(1) A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart.
It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poot. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the women's feet, and said in a rather stern voice, "Ginger!" The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate.
She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit Ginger!" Once again the woman smiled and thought, "yes!" A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip with a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "dammit Ginger, get away from her before she shits on you!"
(2) There was a good old barber in USA. One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies:"I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service". Florist is happy and leaves the shop.The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a "Thank You" Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.
A Confectioner goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber he again refuses to take the money.The Confectioner is happy and leaves the shop.The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is another "Thank you" Card and a dozen Cakes waiting at his door.
A Desi Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay, the barber again refuses the money saying that it was a community service. The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there ?
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A Dozen desis waiting for a free haircut... with printouts of forwarded mail mentioning about the free haircut !
(3) One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step.
Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step.
So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step.
So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, L J standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!"
Shocked, L J says, "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends."
(4) Santa Singh died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth.
In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
Santa thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the answer I expected, so your answer is correct.
But how did you get only 12 seconds in a year?"
Santa replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,March 2nd, etc...."
Saint Peter lets him in without another word....
(5) One morning at a doctor's surgery a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him, "OK, what happened to your back?"
The patient replies, "You know that I work for a local night club? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him, That's how I strained my back"
The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor said, "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible. What the hell happened to you?"
He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."
The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two patients did. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened to youuuuuu…..?"
"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor"
(6) You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!" That's Direct Marketing.
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's very rich. Marry him." That's Advertising.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me." That's Telemarketing.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, and offer her A ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm very rich. Will you marry me?" That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich..I want to marry you" That's Brand Recognition.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm rich. Marry me"
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback !!!!!
(7) BRAIN OF AN INDIAN:
This is not a story but a true incident that happened in USA. An Indian man walked into a bank in New York City one day and asked for the loan officer. He told the loan officer that he was going to India on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000. The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan. The Indian man handed over the keys to a new Ferrari
parked on the street in front of the bank. He produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Indian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parked it there.
Two weeks later, the Indian returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest, which came to $15.41. The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your
business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow "$5,000"
The Indian replied: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return'"
Ah, the brain of the Indian... "Prudent" eh?'
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Enjoy and please don't forget to point which # is great ? (If u want to comment)
Last edited: 10-Oct-07 06:32 PM
