A MISERLY IMPULSE

>>> Click here for the whole story.

Thanks,Sum_off.

Was worth a wait.

One comment on your writing.I know using typical Nepali jargons make your story interesting but being too Nepali oriented keeps the readers (Wider range)out of loop.For example, I didn't understand the game of marble ( I don't know how to play).Keep that in mind while publishing your stories.

Thanks again.

Yet another superb writing. kudos to Mr. Sum_off's attention to details and excellent storylines.

At the beginning I thought the title referred to sum_off's miserly impulse to delete the half written story . Good to finally be able to read it all! Keep em coming.

Ooooaaagh!!! Finally finished the masterpiece. I will not quote anything this time coz every sentence is quotable. I will have to copy the whole story to quote. Every freaking sentence is so meaningful. It is high time you get published Samaf and make us all proud. One thing nobody tells you is how philosophical your writings are. Kriti telling her son to go fight Uday is the most deep thing in the story. The dialogue between Kriti and Ashim are just wonderful. You, my friend are unbelievable writer. Thank you.

Finally read it.

Sumoff the Champ,
Thank you so much for sharing this surprisingly well written mini novel with us. I, from today on, decided to join sumoff fan club.

I am wondering what sort of mother Kirti is. Mothers, I know, tend to be biased or at least protective towards their sons, no matter how heinous crimes they commit. Mothers, I know, would certainly not believe more in outsiders, Raman and Uday, to teach lessons to their sons and make them realize their mistakes.

"It pains me to see your pain for Sunil"

So a friend's love is capable of going through a more painful ride for his friend than that of a mother for her son?

Engaging story but some very interesting and incomprehensible characters (to me at least). Some of the dialogues are engaging too but at times they sounded dramatic to be coming from the characters at "those" moments. I reckon, the writer was talking on behalf of the characters but not all characters in reality are as smart and as philosophical as the writer himself.

Am I missing something?

San,

Thank you for making the piece work. I use Firefox at home for obvious reasons. You have some work left to make your fonts and format work in that browser (the way they do in IE). Take your time. It is not a showstopper. Firefox is quite virus-proof, but at the same time, it can be some-good-stuff-proof too.   

 

NoMM,

You ask:

‘How did a mother like Kirti raise a son like Sunil?’

 

I wanted someone to ask me that. I was so tempted to write that part, but in a short story, you know the limitations. Anyway, this is my take on why Sunil was the way he was:

 

After his father died, Kriti could not spend a whole lot of time with Sunil. She was mourning. Besides, Reeva was only 11 months old and Pallu was three. Sunil most probably grew up at/with his grandparents during that time and began to resent his life. His grandparents, perhaps, spoiled him because they were rich (the mention of ‘Loreta’ and ‘Lady Shri Ram’ was for that purpose). By the time Kriti geared up to handle all three children by herself, perhaps it was too late in Sunil’s case.

 

If you are not keeping count, I am. This is my fourth story in a row without a female villain.

 

In regards to my own tantrums, don’t you think they are too miserly?

 

Pacifier,

If you are in the US and you chose to write to me at 2:52 AM EST, what else could I possibly ask for? Thank you and god bless you. 

 

Occult,

‘Bh’ is correct. I will make sure I will not make that mistake again. Thank you for all the enthusiasm you have shown. Oh, it helps.

 

Mokshya,

Like your Login ID, what a significant question you ask. This is what makes me come back to Sajha again and again.

 

I can give you a million reasons why Ashim went to Raman’s house that afternoon. Like, seeing his friend at Dr. Bhatt’s clinic triggered it, plus the conversation with Kriti which made him sympathize with his friend even more … plus, he was incited when he caught his sister getting off Raman’s bike … plus, he woke up pissed that day and his Vinaju’s boss only made his day worse … plus, being drunk only added to all his anger and confusion. But as someone who created Ashim, I believe my argument should be more reflective.

 

Ashim is a man (after all), who has a man’s ego. He takes Sunil’s loss as a team defeat because he was a part of that ‘Elina struggle’ all through. Of course, he cares about and sympathizes with Sunil, but more than that, for him it is his fight too. When Sunil loses, he loses, as a team. Think about it, there was never any prize for Ashim in that fight; for him it was always about honor and conviction. For men of code (that Ashim was) there is nothing more precious than that. Men of code are usually driven by their un-miserly impulses. Am I talking too much? I will stop.

 

Dipika02,

Welcome and thank you for the kind words. Before responding, I always check on people that I am not familiar with, so I Sajhoogled you. Good to know that you are one of the new writers here. Welcome again.

 

So far, I have only read your first writing. I saw glimpses of brilliance, but you seem to write from your heart. When you write from your heart, with the story, comes the message. I hear there is a saying among Hollywood writers: “If you want a message, leave it at the beep.”

 

If you have a message in your story, just hint it and move on, you cannot dwell on it. Leave the rest to Deepak Chopra.  

 

Be more cynical, I beg. A regular person observes what he sees because it is there; a cynic observes what he sees because he is there.

 

You think I understand my one-liners myself? Of course not. 

 

Amber,

Oh, Amber, oh dear Amber, only an excellent writer like you can offer such goosebumps-hatching compliment. I will not lie. In the morning, I check responses to my thread even before I check my office emails or my hotmail messages. I had read your post early in the morning. The day turned out to be beautiful. Thank you. Keep on writing, you are very natural. BTW, your ticklish ‘crybaby’ tease tickled me.  

 

Amazing,

Thank you so very much. You are so kind. So, how was Prashant Tamang’s concert? I am scared to ask this question in Sajha, but since you are very nice, I will have to ask you this:

 

Mr. Tamang does not compose music. He cannot read music. He does not play any instrument. He is not a lyricist. He is not a part of any band. He does not have his own songs. How does this person become concert-able?

 

Don’t get me wrong, I am not arguing or insulting those who went to his concert, I just want to hear your take who obviously feels otherwise. I have absolutely nothing against Prashant Tamang and I wish him nothing but the best. I am just puzzled by the premise. Why is our penchant for art tied with our nationalism? Isn’t that an unwarranted compromise?       

 

Timetraveller,

Thank you for making Dec 2, 2007, my day in Sajha. I had never seen so many threads of one person in the front page. It was nauseating. The logical answer to your question is Rohit uncle. Thank you and good luck with your finals. Then again, the way you are, you don’t need the ‘luck’ part.     

 

Gahugoro,

Read and tell. Thanks.    

 

Riten,

Oh, I wish. Oh, I wish. I was reading your comment somewhere up there … You had written, “I am afraid I have not read works of xxxxxx or yyyyyy or zzzzzz. Mero kami, uuniharuko hoina.” That is the way you settle an argument. Your last sentence did it.

 

Thank you for the kind words. And don’t stop speaking your mind. It helps people.

 

Teso vae Deep le dhokaa diyo haina ta ending maa? I really don’t think so. It ended exactly where it should have ended.  

 

Sheetalb,

You are different than Sunil. People like Sunil will never ask the question you asked. For people like Sunil, what the world does not know about them is their reality. They don’t confess as long as they know others don’t know. Thank you for reading. Just out of curiosity, what do you think he told his mother when he came home with broken fingers after that table tennis match? (I left that part to reader’s imagination). 

 

Tisa,

Thank you for the suggestion. However, I don’t know why, to some extent I want to disagree with you. I think how ‘Gholera Khelney’ is played was optional in the story. I was sharing with you each player’s temperament by explaining how he was reacting to the game itself. Ashim and Raman played by the code, because that is who they are. For Prabhat, fun is an integral part of the game (he is joking even when he is losing). For Sunil the game was all about winning marbles. Sunil was the best among the four, which means he must have tons of marbles at home, but he is not willing to share any with Ashim. Having said that, I completely understand where you are coming from. I will keep that in mind.    

 

Ratobhaley,

Thank you, Veer Ratobhaley. You never cease to amuse me. My tantrums are my frustrations facilitated by the edit button. I blame San.

 

Oho,

You write: “Kriti telling her son to go fight Uday is the most deep thing in the story.” Say no more. That to me is 1/3^rd of the story. I can go on and on about why she said it, but I know that you have figured that out. Thank you for reading, and read you do. Honestly. Thank you.

 

Pjna007,

Oh, it’s a friend’s club, and welcome. I get very jittery when someone tells me they read me for the first time. I am glad you liked it. Hope to see you more in Sajha. Thank you for the compliment.

 

Godzilla,

Thank you for reading.

 

 

 

 

Edited because of a huge misunderstanding with a friend. 

LOL, Sum_off, that is because that person is not me..you got it wrong..but I know the person you are referring to.

sumoff,
no, i havent lost count, i have noticed indeed the lack of female villians in the story. But i decided to not comment on it. Because its not like men like ashim are everywhere and women like kirti are few and far between. They exist in equal proportions. So why commend you on the existence of  kirti, why even draw attention to the fact :) But thank you for the existence of the female protagonist, who dont seem to come as naturally to you as a male one would :)

When I read your stories these days, I dont even want to comment. Because whatever observations (doubts) we have you have a better argument for that. And if we have thought about it, we can rest assured that you have thought about it as well. I also know that you would not compromise your story for the story's sake but if you do, I trust you. I trust you to say those dramatic dialogues  or include or uninclude a plot.

And like Amber said, your style is your strength.

I also agree with someone who had problems with the use of 'V' for Bh. Bh is definitely more pleasing to the eye.

I was going through all the comments today and was amazed at how insightful all of them are. Arent you proud of all of us? :D

And please its NOT NoMM. :)

Amazing,

Thank you so very much. You are so kind. So, how was Prashant Tamang’s concert? I am scared to ask this question in Sajha, but since you are very nice, I will have to ask you this:

 

Mr. Tamang does not compose music. He cannot read music. He does not play any instrument. He is not a lyricist. He is not a part of any band. He does not have his own songs. How does this person become concert-able?

 

Don’t get me wrong, I am not arguing or insulting those who went to his concert, I just want to hear your take who obviously feels otherwise. I have absolutely nothing against Prashant Tamang and I wish him nothing but the best. I am just puzzled by the premise. Why is our penchant for art tied with our nationalism? Isn’t that an unwarranted compromise?       

 

Samaf Dai, you caught the point. Its true that I was one of the biggest fans of Prashant in Sajha. I supported and also donated my hard earned money for him. Its not because he was a good musician/singer but just because of blind nationalism. I know, you know, the whole world knows there were other better candidates for the title, Amit, Emon, Puja..to name a few (if u had heard those name, by chance)

I will never say that he is a great singer, at the same time, I cannot deny that he is not good either. Of course, he became Idol with huge support of Nepalis votes but he was slected top 10 among 43 thousands wannabe singers (whatsever no) and that was decision of the judges.

Personally, I donot like Prashant as a singer. Moreover, he is a dull performer. Then there might be question why I supported him so madly. In fact, there are many factors. Nepali community in India is living a different life, the jobs they hold and the way they are treated are out of out of imagination. Few Nepalis who hold good jobs feel ashamed to introduce as Nepalis. Except few exceptions, the image of Nepal in India is like (Humla Jumla image in valley). I have experienced all these in my two years stint.  After that also, Ive extensively traveled  most parts of the North, South and North east  India and the situation was not much different. (though Ive not been to Sikkim yet). All the Indians think Nepalis are no good than guarding their houses as CHAUKIDARs.

And I just voted him so that the identity of Nepalis could raise at least beyond CHAUKIDARs. So  that Nepalis, Bahadurs, Chaukidars whatever name we give could feel proud to see one more fellow Gorkhali on big screen, papers, TV (we all know the extravaganza of Indian Idol in media) .And he had already presented himself as an Indian based Nepali in the show.

Samaf dai, about coming to your questions, he is not concert-able but its a kind of whim that will fade away. We were comparing, why we Nepali people donot respect Nepali artists? Well, how many times Prashant has perfomed in Ktm or in the USA for that matter? Just once. But he is so demanding now jsut because he is brand new. I wont be surprised if I see barely 50 people in his 7th or 8th concert in Ktm (if he chooses to come). On the contrary. Many times people compared with Nima Rumba who has performed more than 1000 times in Ktm and still he is as popular as he was. Well, people started leaving the concert once he started singing in Pulchok (Just heard hai), i think thats obvious becasue ppl purely went there to watch Idol and they might have seen Nima hundred times before.

Its simply getting lengthy so I will take your permission to stop here, but one thing is sure, he would have been not so popular (not even close) had he been in Chinese idol, Russian Idol or American Idol for that matter.

Ya I agree with u somehow, about his connexion with nationalism but we also cant forget some emotional part of the reality show.  Dont u think that was a COURAGE to sing ''Gorkhali ko chhora hu.ma...'' in front of billion Indian viewers, in Indian territory that too being an Indian national. I think one really need a NEPALI heart for that. And how about putting Dhaka Topi (Topi is not just Topi, in that case) whereas our so called leaders haru India ta ke Indian Rajdoot sanga pani darayer kattu mai pisab garchhan.

------------

OK dai, its been like ma garchhu agra ka kura ooo garchha gagra ka kura... sorry for taking your time.

Sum Off,

Juxtaposing events to keep the audience speculating, is brilliant. You unveiled Sunil as he would in a real life. Sunil is such a complex character. I expect this character gets some sympathy on first interaction with anyone. When they get to know more, people find him distasteful. It took a long time even for his mom to know him well. You succeed on giving that impression. 

I like the way you describe the game of Glass Marbles. Someone who had never heard about it would know how Sunil cheated on the game.

As always you have left your signatures here and there in the story with those witty, strong and philosophical quotes.

Staying hungry for more of you…

-SunnyDev

 

Didn't feel like sleeping so read your story. And as i scrolled down the mouse i figured out that your story is as long as River Nile. But screw the length! Nile is still beautiful and your story is still fantastic. Though i thought tht i'd grow old by the time i'll finish it but  hardly took 25 mins. Ya, never believe my thoughts!

You are a gr8 storyteller , that goes without saying. But i was just thinking if there was an option provided for us where we could actually choose either to read or hear(in your own voice) your story , then that would be gr8. I'd click you and you'd tell me bed-time stories.
Lack of sleep makes people crazy, and i just proved it!

and ya looking forward to reading(hearing?) your next item. How about writing a supernatural(ghost) story this time?

Good luck & Goodnight! (Though stupid birds have already started to chirp, I feel like sealing their beaks)

"Ten Thumbs Up! One of the most witty writers of the century." - The Sajha Express

"Not only the main story, but I keep checking back to read sum_off's response to his fans." - Anonymous

Sum_off:

It is my great honor to get words from a writer like you. Frankly saying I am not even a writer. I adore sharing a few unforgettable moments that I had left behind. And I agree with you that I carve from my heart. About being cynical, all I can say is I will try my best.

Finally read the whole story.

To all the Sunil(s) of this world, all the best because I am sure most of the people who read the story must have hated or are still hating Sunil-like men.

To all the Asim(s), do you exist? I guess I am too cynical.

Nice story there!  

alik late bhayecha...mailey padheko chai aastinai ho, adha nidra maa tyo pani, pheri padhchu bhaneko...finals cha, kaam cha alik gaaro kya...aba its good bhanu bhaney sabai ley bhaney haaley, ramro ramro...kati ramro...aha sarai ramro bhanera sabai ley bhanchan...ma chai last maa post garda tyo tyo chai milena bhanney matra mero bhaag maa parney kya...matokni k bhancha rey nepali maa...tyo leftover kya...aba aaja ma chai kehi pani nabhanney...STABDHA bhaako ni katha padhera...ma chai gaye aba sutna...nidra laagna laagna khojyo...football pani sakyo....g'nite sabailaai...

Amazing broda how u been ??? long time no see...how amazing :P...meera pani recha aaja ta abuiiii ni...i thought u were bz wid ur finals kya...

alik late bhayecha...mailey padheko chai aastinai ho, adha nidra maa tyo pani, pheri padhchu bhaneko...finals cha, kaam cha alik gaaro kya...aba its good bhanu bhaney sabai ley bhaney haaley, ramro ramro...kati ramro...aha sarai ramro bhanera sabai ley bhanchan...ma chai last maa post garda tyo tyo chai milena bhanney matra mero bhaag maa parney kya...matokni k bhancha rey nepali maa...tyo leftover kya...aba aaja ma chai kehi pani nabhanney...STABDHA bhaako ni katha padhera...ma chai gaye aba sutna...nidra laagna laagna khojyo...football pani sakyo....g'nite sabailaai...

Amazing broda how u been ??? long time no see...how amazing :P...meera pani recha aaja ta abuiiii ni...i thought u were bz wid ur finals kya...

Sum Off, it is needless to say that you are an accomplished writer. By now I am convinced that you can write stories on anything and everything. On this particular story, I wish a drama series is made, preferably in MaHa adaptation. Moreover you have left room for Sunil's adventure, so length wouldn't be a problem, I assume.

Very few readers are lucky to be able to interact with their favourite writers. With you, we can demand too. So I have one request. I'd like to read one story from you which is set on the west and more importantly depicts western characters and lives only.

Also more stories with serious sociological/anthropological/philosophical/aesthetic/romantic and tragic bearings  belended together please, the likes of 'A thin slab' and few more...

 Only if wishes were horses... If I think about these wishes for one more minute, the chances are, I will not hit the 'Submit' button. So, I will not think anymore  and hit the 'Submit' button right away.

really appreciated your time that you devoted for this story, thanks a lot for letting us enjoy such a wonderful story

I was unaware that you had finished this story and had posted it as I have not been a frequent visitor of sajha  recently. I read the whole story and wondered how could one think and develop such a plot. It was quite different from the ones that you have written and it truly takes a highly creative and complex mind to write stories as such. I have always complimented you on your writings and your ability to think about the most minor as well as major details. This one was no different, however, it did not touch my heart like some other stories of yours have. I loved "From Kavre to Thimi", the one about ANA and also the one about the jacket. They kept me thinking for a long time and wondering how you coud have developed such a wonderful plot and potrayed emotions so easily. I could visualize everything, and I actually cried while I read from Kavre toThimi. I believe that if you have the ability to make someone cry with the aid of your fictional characters, then you certainly are one powerful writer. This one was really good too and the details were astounding, yet it did not touch my heart but did bring out admiration for you. And of course, as always please keep writing as your stories are always a pleasure to read. :)

The protagonist turns out to be antagonist. The world is like that: not a mathematical equation where you are certain of the values.

Great work man. Your impulses are benevolent.

It's a pleasure witnessing a masterly work.