Hello friends,

Is any of you married to a western woman? If yes, how often do you get into negative thoughts, insecure about the relationship, and what if it ends kinda feelings?

I have been together with my western wife for over 2 and half years, but lately we have been fighting a lot mainly due to my insecure feelings. I don't know what I should do. It's just that I feel like it won't last forever:( Even though she is an amazing person!

Please input your thoughts, if you have also been in such relationship. What should I do to overcome such insecure feelings?

Thanks in advance,

what exactly is your "insecure feeling"? It's quite vague.Have you talked to her about it and ask for her suggestions/help? Communication is vital for any realtionship. I'm pretty sure if she loves you, she'll definetly help you overcome such "insecure feelings"-which I have no idea what it is.Reverse the role if she goes through her "insecure feeling", else you're a selfish person.

ususally people married to western woman start feeling insecure after they have gotten their GC or Citizenship I wonder why?
I think they want ways to get out of the marriage so they start fighting for no specific reason at all.

Hey guys,

I just got married few months ago, it's nothing about PR or anything. About the insecurity, I have even talked to her about it, but still I can not get over the fact that we are from different cultures, even though we are doing well now, but things might change very easily in such relationship, meaning between a south asian and a westerner. So, what I am worrying about is only the future, when I think abou the future I feel insecure.

I am not selfish or anything. Maybe I shouldn't have brought this up here. It's my problem, I should deal it myself and with my wife. But thanks anyway.

Brain,

I didn't mean anything to offend you. You didin't explain properly in the beginning. So your insecurity is " since we're  from different culture". What aspect of culture is interferring in your relationship? Is it that she doesn't cook?, forces you to go to Church, yadi yada, something like that. What exactly?Let us know what is that, since it can be anything. I think it shouldn't be a big of deal, should your mind not think of it. What insecurities are those for the future?, that she might leave you anytime? Well I'm telling you this, it can happen even if you get an arranged marrige in Nepal these days. Things have changed;those days of Nepali wife will stay with your forever are over. So you should forget about the differences and come to a compromise with her. If she has not forced you with anything and if it's just because you think (THINK...I mean think) she's western and might leave you anytime, then you're hallucinating. Can you see future? Do you think eveybody gets divorced in the West? You can get hit by a car and die tomorrow, that doesn't mean you'll not drive. Same logic.

welll.....man .....fu(k her up so hard that she would love only ur (0(k....this is the way u can feel secure.....n u'll NOT loose ur wife.....man

take it easy

brother,
              one way to look at this situation may be to look at yourself and change your thoughts, i can tell you it wouldn't have mattered even if it was  western, eastern, inter cast ...and so on.
               its women ... its women don't be a bigot.

sorry guys, but some western girl are just too weird to have long lasting relationships. it's not unusual now a days to see even American men dying to marry asian women for secure relationship, and the classes are full of children living with single parents.
 Sometimes it just doesn't work.. she might think you working 8 hours a day is too much working, while you used to pull 100 + plus hours when you were single. She might think that curry smells like shyttt, while you think it's the best smell in the world( specially when you live with a white woman , limited on salt and pepper as spieces). But i t all depends, marriage is a compromise.. you can marry a Nepali girl and still feel insecure. be careful, who she hangs out with man, most of the time her friends are the ones who always tell her to leave you... for some strange reason most girl friends dont want their girl friends to have a secure relationship ( my personal experence in this country) and they would rather have her date someone else and gossip.. so watch out , who she hangs with man.. may be you wanna go for a vaccation or buy her that breath taking diamond gift ( breath taking for you emptying the pocket).. good luck and start acting like you trust.. thas all you can do.. and don't forget to tell her like 10 times , at least a day , that you love her...

Thanks for the response guys, special thanks to rewire! You are right rewire, I should let the relationship go with the flow. Nobody has seen the future.
There is one more twist in this though, she is pressuring me a lot to have a baby already, which I don't want mainly because, I think things are gonna become more complicated with the 3rd person in the family. This baby thingy is bugging me a lot as well. I just don't know what to do, I have told her to wait for 3 years or something. But she says that's too much, she can't wait that long! Btw we both are 24.

Thanks for the response so far. Really appreciated.

Careful with the baby thing coz I have seen a lot of American woman marry foreigners and divorce them after they have a baby so they can get child support from them.

Jenny's right.. she's definately been a keen observer of foreign + American marriages.. i'm stunned.

 

Brain,

Do you know if you were in Nepal,a year after you marry you're expected to have a baby or face the yelling from parents and "infertile" status from your neighbour. You're in a better situation now. Never forget where you come from.

Now with baby, you have 2 choices:

1. Financial : If you're not financially stable, you'll have to pin down from monthly diapers, daycare, rent/mortgage, car payment, groceries even delivery cost during pregnancy. Add them up and show it to her why it's NOT the right time. This will only work if you're NOT in the most finiancial situation. She'll know if you're making them up, so becareful, it might even turn worst.

But if you're fine with your finiance, it's a whole new story. It depends upon you whether you really love her. Give her one child, let her be happy. She's the one who'll do the most, taking care and raising him/her. Tell her that she'll have to do everything if she wants a kids right now and that you can actively get involved only if it's after 3 years. She'll agree.24 is not that young. One day you'll have to kids anyway. If you're financial stable, why not start a little bit early, it's not like your're 16.

2.Belief : If you're one of those who thinks kids are pain and hate them, you should explain her about it. Good luck with that. There's no way to change your belief  since you're raised with those values. I've seen few in my life too. It's a disaster for these people to marry anybody when young.I don't think it will work, no matter who youre' married to.

I have met mny Nepalese married to  European or American women and living happily with love and kids. It all depends upon confidence to each other without any self-interest. Love is love - it does not matter much about culture, religion and language. So it depends on you how you adjust yourself. However it is true that it is better and comfortable if you marry within the same religion and culture and this is the reason that Nepalese parents here wish their children to marry in Nepal not here as far as possible.

Although love is blind, it is better to try inside our own culdture and religion.

 

Brain,

I think it wont work! sorry..thats kinda a harsh, but you wont be happy with her. not your fault, not her fault.

Upbringing is to blame. you and her do not think alike,  cos we (nepalis) and them (westerners) have different and sometimes(Actually most of the time) contrasting ways of looking at things. of course there are always exceptions, but thats usually rare..  and your insecurity is not really a surprise, i think! No mattter how much we deny it, our generation has an inferioty complex against westerners... if you were born and raised in nepal, you can never get over it, thats your/our roots my friend!