God had played an awful trick on her. Giving her an ugly face and making her forget her past. She even got these feelings at times that she could not explain. She would be doing something, and all of a sudden she would have a feeling that she was lost in her thoughts. She could not recall what she was thinking or doing, but time just passed. When she floated back to consciousness, hours would have passed and she did not have recollection of what had happened. She was too afraid that she would be labeled as crazy if she told someone about these occasions; hence she kept them to herself. This had started happening since she was seven years old. At first she had been scared, but later she was used to this strange sensation. Sometimes when she came back to reality, she would be shaking like she had just watched a horror movie. She would have a strange feeling that was between excitement and fear. She did not know why she felt this way but it sometimes scared her. Sometimes she would not experience this for days to come and when she thought that it had gone away, it would happen to her. There were times when she felt like this a couple of times in the same day. These experiences did not help her self esteem at all. It made her feel like she was the strangest little girl in the world. She understood why no one loved her, or wanted to be her friend. It was because she was so inferior to all the other kids in the orphanage that no one would want to befriend her.
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It was 1 p.m., Saturday in Buckner. It was the children’s day off from school. They did not have any schedule for the day and were allowed to spend their time as they pleased. Some napped, some did their homework and most of them played with their friends. Though every other day had a strict schedule to follow, Saturdays were fun days where everyone could enjoy themselves. When most of the children were spending time with friends, Mallika was sitting on top of her bed, doing her homework. She normally finished her homework on Saturdays and read a storybook on Sundays during study time. She found it easier to indulge in things like storybooks when she knew that she had no homework to worry about. She could never indulge in anything fun unless she knew that she had taken care of schoolwork. It was a normal Saturday at the orphanage when she dozed off into one of her thoughts.
When she came back to reality she was hiding under her bed. This was the first time something like this happened. She was shivering and she could feel sweat all over her forehead. She knew she was scared… not only was she scared, she was petrified. She had no idea why she felt this way. She tried to control her feeling, she tried to get out from under the bed, but there was something tugging at her. Something telling her that it was not safe to go out yet. She stayed in and closed her eyes, she did not know what was going on and she definitely did not like the feel of it.
Someone came inside the room and shouted, “Martha you come out of wherever you are hiding right NOW!!â€
It was Mrs. Smith, the warden on duty on Saturdays. This was the first time Mallika had seen her so mad.
“Come out right now Martha or I will not be responsible for the consequences!â€
Mallika got out of under her bed, “My name is not Martha, Mrs. Smith. Its Mallika, I don’t like it when people call me Martha.â€
Mrs. Smith’s temper flared at that comment as if somehow she was lying. “Martha or Mallika, I don’t care what you want to be called. It really doesn’t matter if you are indecisive about your name. What really matters is what I saw you do. I know now that all the things said about you are true. How could you hurt someone like that?â€
Mallika was shocked; she looked at Mrs. Smith as if she did not understand a word coming out of her mouth.
“Oh, don’t give me one of those fake blank stare of yours, I can look right through it. Come with me, I am taking you out myself.â€
Mallika was so taken back that she did not know what to do. She followed Mrs. Smith out the door and into the car. She was curious about what had happened that had made Mrs. Smith so mad. She had a feeling that something very bad was about to happen and at the same time she was relieved that she would finally find out what happened to her when she seldom dozed off in the middle of the day.
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Dr. Basco looked at Mallika through the one way mirror. Mallika was sitting in the other room and reading one of the Nancy Drew series, which was an advanced book for a twelve year old. There was no doubt that the girl was a very bright and intelligent student. Dr. Basco turned back and looked at Mrs. Smith, and Mr. Shaw, who was the Vice President at the orphanage.
“So you say this is Mallika’s file and you think that everything in this file is true?†Dr. Basco addressed Mrs. Smith.
“I have told you already doctor, it has to be true. Every adoptee that has ever taken her tells us that she did bad things. One even told us that she took a knife and attacked their cat. You should have seen her on Saturday when she was attacking Tommy with the rock. She hit his head, and did not even flinch. You should have looked at those hazel eyes of hers, it was almost like she was enjoying what she did. She looked completely different. And then she saw me and ran back to her room. When she came out of hiding, she was again back to her original self.†Mrs. Smith was telling the truth and Dr. Basco knew that.
“Do you realize Mrs. Smith, that Mallika is not aware of any of the things that you say she has done?â€
Mrs. Smith looked bewildered, “She is lying doctor. I saw her when she hurt that boy. She is capable of anything.â€
Dr. Basco sighed. She knew what was happening, but was amazed by what she saw. “And who is Martha?â€
Mrs. Smith looked like she could not stand these questions anymore. “Look doctor, I have answered all of this three days ago. I told your secretary about all this, so I don’t know why you are asking me this again. Martha is just Mallika’s nickname. She likes being called Martha at times, and then other times, she hates the name with all her gut. I don’t know what’s wrong with that kid, and why she has to be a drama queen.â€
Dr. Basco sighed, “Does she look like a drama queen to you?â€
“Well, she is a good liar.†Mrs. Smith sounded like she already made a decision about Mallika.
“We think we know what’s going on with the girl. Are you aware of DID- Dissociative Identity Disorder?†When she saw the blank stare on their faces, she continued. “It’s a disorder where the patient who suffers from a deep trauma develops another personality or another alter within themselves. The other personality is like another human being, there are two or more personalities trapped inside one body. They might not even know the other exists. They have different characteristics, different identities and different birth dates. When one takes over the body, the other goes into a state where she is unconscious and does not remember what’s happening. Seven years ago, when Mallika was in the car wreck and lost her parents, it was too traumatic for her to remember the details. Martha was born that day, so that she could remember that instance and protect Mallika from the suffering and trauma. Martha and Mallika are two different characters that live in the same body!â€
Mrs. Smith and Mr. Shaw were speechless. They had never heard of such a thing before and they had never suspected that something could be wrong with Mallika. “What going to happen now doctor?†Mrs. Smith finally asked.
“Hopefully, with intensive treatment, she can be treated.†Dr. Basco sighed, but was well aware that she might never be treated because she had no financial backbone.
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Mallika read her book in the small cubicle right beside the doctor’s office. She did not know what was happening. She could not wait to go back to Buckner because they were not telling her anything here. They were just keeping her in a room and giving her books to read. She was tensed about her coursework. She would be behind at school and would have trouble doing homework. She sat there waiting for her guardians to take her back to the home that she had come to know. Little did she know that she was not allowed to hope because fate had different plans for her- plans that she had no idea about.