I am currently dating a foreigner whom I intend to marry if everything goes well. However, my family does prefer Nepalese girl to a foreigner. Anyways, she is of Indian origin but has never been to India because she was born in Africa before migrating to West. Hence she follows a mixture of both Indian and Western culture. More Asian than Western, I have to say. However I am slightly worried about getting committed because I have seen majority of the Nepalese people I know marrying a foreigner ending up in divorce (majority white women), some within a short time but some after a long time together because of cultural difference that does prop up from time to time. So all of those in this forum who does have similar experience, can you share your experience of marrying a foreigner or advise me on the best course of action.

Many thanks

I don't now who you are referring to "Foreigner". You are the foreigner if you are NOT in Nepal.

Indians are not foreigner... they are like nepalese.

If you are not sure of getting married to her.. then dont commit to something that you are not sure of

Mr Hussain, foreigner obviously means someone who was not born in the country of your origin unless you have left your country of origin by the age of lets say 12. Its not that I am not sure of committing, I just wanted to know how difficult it really gets or is it not really that difficult and its only my perception.

Marrying anyone other than Nepalese comes with it's own set of challenges. But if you both have same political views, follow same religion, attained comparable education levels and career-tracks, have similar tastes, have enough intellectual affinity to discuss on any given topic for hours, can make family from either side to get along, share similar family-values etc and of course love each other,  then your chance of a long and successful marriage is quite promising.

Deciding on whom to marry is not about doing what is ideal or patriotic but rather about what will make you and your partner's lives comfortable and what will not hamper the achievement of the little life-long goals that you have set for yourselves even after the marriage has been consummated.

Good luck to you in the most important decision of your life.

HelpYouHelpMe this is the most valuable advice and I do respect it a lot but I would like to get more advices from ones who have been through the circumstances.

Thanks for your warm comment.

How long you guys been dating ? If you have dated for a while and you know she has good personality . Go for it.

Do not listen to others, listen to yourself. Once you are out of country and not planning to back for good an  arrange marriage may not be a good idea.

No matter whom you are going to unite,  first and the most important thing is you both must have understanding and compatibility  which carries the married life. If you find this to any girl go for it, if not answer is NO.

The mantras " Compatibilty and Mutual undestanding"

 

Incredible ji,

Well, it's something of what you want in your life from your life partner. I won't agree that marriage won't be success with white women too.

As there are many successful marriages in Nepal too and some are unsuccessful. Those who are unhappy with their marriage lives end of having kids and the life goes on so divorce hardly occur in Nepal.

I can't say Indians origins are good or bad , But if you are lucky and if she is from a right family back ground , some hindustani girls are 100 times better than any Nepalis girl . They are well behaved and more respectful towards our cultures and values.

I'm married with an Indain girl. It has been 2 years , you can't predict rest of the life , so far I feel like I made the right decision of my life choosing her .

Yeah, it's important respect each other values /cultures  and differientiate .

 

Good Luck.

tom

incrediblesuperbatma



a) Are you getting married for yourself or for your parents?

b) If you are going to spend the rest of your life with someone you better make your own choice. It's almost alike your mom shopping your underpants, if you let her decide or approve your life partner.

c) Stop with all that BS such as having the same political views, religion, cultural background, education, career path, interests and mutual understanding and bla bla.... they all look good in the books but not in real life.It all boils down to one thing, Will you compromise with the things you like for her?

d) Do you see yourself with the same girl for the rest of your life? in another words will you say "NO" if a hottie wants to blow you after getting married? In another words are you committed and will not commit adultery?

Search for answers to these questions. You have the answers. Better get  them soon before it's too late.


Good luck,
Atro

PS: Interracial marriages should have a low chances of breaking up due to social pressure since you are more involved in making the relationship work and prove your family and friends that you are right and they are wrong.

Stop with all that BS such as having the same political views,
religion, cultural background, education, career path, interests and
mutual understanding and bla bla.... they all look good in the books
but not in real life.It all boils down to one thing, Will you compromise with the things you like for her?

The more the difference between the partners the less the chances of
mending the relationship especially when the relationship goes down-hill or is under
stress-test.

Difference in subscription of political-view causes this to happen. It was in 1990 circa, on election day, a "Congressi" husband locked up his wife so
that she could not go and cast her vote for the UML.

Difference in religion: Say one is hindu and the other a muslim and wish to remain same. Everything is good for a while. Then something happens they did not plan for...When the children are come, which
religion should the children be brought up under Hinduism or Islam. And how about throwing in the religious observations of both Hinduism and Islam into the mix.

The view of balance between Career Aspirations and Family Life. This
should be discussed well in advance because balancing family life is as
important as winning the bread (in our case I guess Rice). Sometimes
work requires sacrifices and the partner in crime has to be
understanding and working out something should be feasible quickly if not at the snap
of a finger.



Will you compromise with the things you like for her?

Easier said than done. Why
would you want to compromise of the pursuit of childhood dreams when
you can find someone else who can put up with you on that? After all isn't
life all about, life itself, liberty and pursuit of happiness? When time arrives to face the compromises whose duty is to do the compromising part you or your partner, you better decide before hand cause it's human nature to stand his/her own ground when the situation arrives.


Are you getting married for yourself or for your parents?
(That's a classic question I understand and most people tend to answer that with a lot of empathy for the hero and "heroni" in the Bollywood movie.)
Lemme ask you, can you replace your parents? But as far as life partner goes, JeLo has replaced several husbands already even before hitting forty. But I don't think she can replace her mom who also happens to be a mega-bucks lottery winner. My view regarding parents and life-partner pick is this you make your own decision but give pretty good consideration to suggestion or inputs from parents who are your most important allies in life that you will ever encounter.


Life in itself  so complicated already why would you want to make it worse by marrying a woman/man based on faith in current love and promise of compromises but with less consideration on practicality.

When betting on something always expect the unexpected, prepare for it and you will turn out just fine.

Yes only if the foreigner is blonde coz blondes are hot and stupid. Hehe. just kiddin they are hot anyways...... Be very very aware of culture. if you are the one who can mingle in her culture or if she (even Indian) can mingle in our culture then only i see it matching and good idea to get married. I think you don't marry a girl you marry her family and culture or vice versa........ Have a nice honeymoon......

i always believed in this approach.  marriage is about compatibility and understanding, no doubt about that. whoever we marry that person should be understanding and compatible regardless of race, color, caste and country of origin.  however, i also believe in this fact that if someone marriage with similar background, culture and so forth, we would not see too many surprises in the future.  it would be lot easier to cope with situation.  sentiments and thinking might be similar as well which also matters a lot.  but, if you really love someone and really think that is the right person, please go for it.  please dont marriage just the sake of getting residency or something, which i am sure is not the case in this particular thread.  When a marriage starts with some kind of cheating (sake of getting PR or something), it bound to end up in divorce, i guess that is what happening to lot of marriage between nepali and foreigners. 

This is not like buying a japanese car or germany car..

Dude, you are in relationship...so my questions is ...You have a doubt to spend a life with her.

Above all she is a woman. Being a man, if you know your woman very well..that is the happiest relationship..doesn't matter..culture, race.country..

I, myself, is a product of foriegn (as you said)  mom with desi dad. My parents, they have been happily married for 30 years.

 

good luck

 

My god, I did not expect so much response and advice. As a matter of fact, now I am getting even more confused. I really really liked some of the comments especially that of Mr. Hyde. I have had bitter experience in the past when I followed my heart and not my head with Nepali girl who was quite Westernised after leaving Nepal so I wanted to be extremely careful this time around.
And this time I think I will give myself a bit of time to use my head and keep all of these advices before coming to a conclusion and if I do propose I will post it here.
Thanks a lot everyone for your wonderful advices.

The only way to know someone for sure, before tieing the knot, is to move in with them...and live together for some time.

For example, if you are able to stand by her antics for the millionth time, and she is able to cope with your peculiar Sat night behavior for the ten gazillionth time then you know there is a spark that won't fade. You do not want surprises once you have made your decision.

I will not get into details...but relationships between partners are very complex and they need to be appreciated in order to make them work.

Look beyond the race, religion, politics, family, cultural, and material possessions and ask these questions to yourself:

- Does she make me happy? Does she understand me well? Does her affinity for intellect makes me comfortable? Is she there when I need her? Is her insecurity well cared for? How does she act when she meets your friends and co-workers? Does she compromise and meet you in the middle during arguments? And I could go on....

Notice that the above questions are independent of all those baggage that I said to look beyond from.

This is how soul mates are made! Cheers and good luck!

Marriage is compromise it is 100 percent correct and you need to know how much compromise you are going to accept no body knows in the begining. As the life goes it goes with it once it is over the limit will so the consiquences. .

As someone said  you must have understanding and compability, these are the very basic first step to move ahead for your decision. Some of you are saying it a political isssue, no bro no. I think either you are not dating nor you are married or even not thinking of getting marreid soon.

Understanding and compabiltity are the core mantras before you think of marrying. Leads to you a long term relationsip.  But in life there are many other issuse that govens our lives, but these two be considered first. During your date if you find these along with others go for it. You are not marrying for you parents, your happiness is thier happyness too.

I would say make sure how open she is to your culture/family. A marriage cannot succeed for Nepalese or will be a very strenuous one if one of you are not open or accepting of other's culture/family.

Make sure she meets your family several times if possible before making the final decision.

Can she handle you with your family?

Can you handle her with her family?

Check out the whole package and not just her because once the glow of love fades away, you will need all these support systems to hold your marriage. ANY marriage for that matter.

Thanks!