The above message to Dad (of OP's) is simply awesome. I respect my Dad, but unfortunately, I do not have the same feeling as you. We used to have different views, and a kind of conflicting environment in home all the time. My mom glued us together somehow. I wanted to show the above piece to my Dad once, but I did not, because:
1. My dad paid almost nothing for my education. I studied in government school and the most expensive monthly fee I ever paid was Rs. 40 in grade 9/10. Before that it was under Rs. 25. My school fee came from my mom's pocket, who used to save some money by small household earnings (sahuji harule diyeko unbata sweater bundine, batti kaatne, dhuup banaaune, sahuji harule diyeko kaagaz ra patrikaa lai kaatkut paarera bhatko maad tasera thailaa banaaune, masalaa packing garne, ropaain ra aru kheti kisaani seasonmaa jyaami kaam garne, etc.) I was too young but I understood the hardship of my mom, and I tried to help her as much as I could.
2. We never bought new clothes for festivals. Our new clothes used to come on the birthdays. Dad spent for the clothes, foods and shelter but I never felt he had to struggle hard to meet those demands.
3. I wanted a bicycle, not a new or used one but to learn riding it. My friends got money for renting a bicycle, if they did not own. They learnt riding bicycle at young age but I did not. I used to feel isolated when my friends had bicycle and I had to walk. Dad brought a phoenix bicycle from his office after my SLC, but I could not use it, because I did not know bicycle riding until then.
4. When I was sick, my mom and sisters took care of me, often with traditional and ayurvedic medicines. Once Dad took me to hospital after finding that the traditional and ayurvedic medicine were not helping much for me. After the diagnosis in the teaching hospital, the Doctor, Dad and myself were shocked to know that I had a serious health problem. Dad did everything he could do in my treatment. I could return to normal life after the treatment, however, there was a feeling of regret not to pay enough attention to a growing kid.
5. I had to fight hard with my Dad and threaten to leave house before making him agree to buy a TV. I was surprised that he agreed to buy a color TV and a japanese VCR player too, whereas I was expecting he would agree to buy only a 12-inch b/w TV. I knew, if he wanted he could afford.
6. I joined "cheap" Tribhuvan University, where I also won tuition fee waiver. I remember, I just paid the admission fee. I don't remember if I ever bought a new book (either in school or college). I used cheap notebook (30 pg Eagle brand) mostly. I hardly bought a second notebook for one subject in the entire year. I hardly did any homework that needed volume of stationary supplies. I never got chance to join private tuition. I have spent pocket money while outing with friends, and could not buy books or stationary for which I got the money. I once found a huge dump of used receipts (bills) thrown away by some businessmen. It had carbon print on one side and the other side blank. I used those papers as my notebook for many years.
7. I got a job during my college days. I needed to run between college and work. I needed a bike so badly. I decided to get a bike and asked my Dad, but he refused because I did not have a license. One friend helped me learning bike riding. He did not show up on the day of my license trial exam at Tinkune. He had promised to come, but he was stuck in some other important business. I begged one person who just finished his trial successfully. He was a good man and agreed to help me by lending his bike for my trial test. I took a few laps for practice but I failed in the trial. I then fought with Dad and made him agree to finance 50% cost of a bike, but the condition was, I have to pay the rest. Back in those days, we needed to pay full in cash to buy a bike. No finance, no bank loans. I had hard time fulfilling the condition.
8. My Dad wanted me to study his subject, which I did not do. Anytime, whenever I share some of my hard times in study with him, he used to say - it is your field that I know of nothing. If you had followed my suggestion, you would have never faced that sort of hard time. It just made me more angry.
9. One of his friend had predicted that I would fail in the SLC exam. He congratulated me the first time when I passed the SLC. After SLC, I graduated from different colleges, worked different places n experienced ups and downs. Many my friends and their parents applaud my success but it never made my Dad happy again. Well he used to say "Good", "I am happy", but I know he was not as happy as I saw him when I told him my SLC result.
10. I got scholarship to study abroad. It was a full scholarship. My only expenses were on preparing a passport and application document. It is hard to remember now, but I think, I did not pay for a visa either, and they provided me air ticket and pocket money too. My Dad did not even ask about the stuffs and preparations I need to do before leaving the country. It was about 30 minutes ago before getting out of home, he came to ask me if I need anything. I was too busy to talk and greet friends and families who came to see me off at home and to finish some unfinished tasks. I think, I could not even care what he said me there. He came to the airport, and told me to take care of my health.
Dad gradually started to realize how hard is it to raise a child when he learnt what other parents have done to their kids. After I left country, my siblings joined a private college, and my Dad had to pay regular tuition fees, and other expenses. Also, Dad had to handle additional social responsibilities that I used to take care of, which made him exposed to many other practical and social stuffs. I sometime feel, he now has realized that his parenting style was not so good. He does not talk to me as other Dads talk to their kids. I mean, he hesitates to disagree with me, which sometime makes me feel sad. Perhaps, I would love better the same stubborn and strict Dad.
Most of my Dad's friends were lavish with their living habits when I was a kid. I always thought we should be able to afford the same, but my Dad always told that he could not afford. I do not know how other families could manage the money or if they had other sources of income. I once asked about it, and Dad told me that those families are descendants of RANA and Kaji khalak, who have owned plenty of ancestral properties. We do not have that.
Most kids of my Dad's friends are in foreign soil (USA, Canada, Aus, EU etc.) today. Unlike my Dad, they have spent huge to educate and to send them out of country. They keep bragging about their kids success and establishment in foreign soil. My Dad does not like talking about kids and family, but I recently knew that Dad talks proudly whenever someone ask him about me.
I think, Dad gave me a hard time for a reason. Many of my friends and colleagues ended up in drug-addiction whose parents were fulfilling their desires easily. I perhaps learnt to survive the adversity and find my own ways in life. I am happy what I am now. I am afraid if I share the above piece to my Dad, I would be hurting him. I do not want to hurt him.
Last edited: 20-Aug-10 10:59 AM
