hey,

@ Homeyji  most definitely the amount of support I got is overwhelming when i thought i was alone and had lost hope......My sincere thank you to all ...........and I think I put a kind of problem into perspective..... when I had noone to talk to or understand me....i clearly found out how much it is prevalent in our society. Thank u for ur support.....

Oh!! there are lots of Dr. Phil here :D:D .j/k (if it cheers u up then thats great)

Its really sorry to hear ur story. But i am quite perplexed that i did not see ur father and siblings role on handling that act.

As u r the youngest and u r already in states, i am assuming that they(siblings) r already in mid 20's or late 30's. But still they (ur dad n siblings) dont discuss these treatment u r getting. As u say it will be pretty obvious to them how she is treating with u, u never had discussion with them? And they don't do any abt it?

I am not the youngest and its been a while (or more than while) i am planning/participating in my younger siblings b'day party. sometimes its a party, sometime i just make them feel good by saying ur the youngest and they mean a lot to me and today is ur special day and i can do any thing for them with crooked smile on the face(so they also know I am just boasting about i can do anything for them), but they always love it.

dude have u ever confront ur mom in this issue. its ur choice (sometimes it can be a solution or sometimes u might find more dark secrets why she is giving cold vibes to u)

Now what next, thats the thing u r looking now.. i believe that the best thing is.. give ur respect and love to mom (although she might deserve it or not is a different story). And at the same time what i will suggest is that confront her... now u r already have stable life and mature enough...next time when u meet here personally.. just to talk to her personally.. tell her that.. i always feel u neglect me a lot, never ever recall a single moment where u made me special and u were proud of me .. but still with those treatments u gave me, u made me the man whom i am today and i am proud of being who I am .so I would like to thank u. But at the same times i would also like to let you know now it does not make me difference how u will treat me, now i am used to of it. But I will treat as my MOM and let me know if i can do anything for u"

At last "Never judge people until you have walked a mile in their shoes" So try to empathize ur mom and find why she treat u like the way she is doing, might because of a mental condition or just because of any other reasons"

Khoikkhoik,

Why do you feel it is is important for ChicksRock to empathize with his mother? Especially if he thinks that she is a sociopath?

CUZ,

nobody born like how they are today..  it's just the circumstances what they were in and their  judgment (poor/good) at that moment..

And if it is because she is a sociopath, its here sociopath syndrome, which made her to make wrong judgment/decision

And chicksrock is a mature guy and he did not have to make a decision as he is a sociopath or any path. What is the difference between ANGEL/DEVIL if ANGEL is making same decision as DEVIL, will not she be a DEVIL??

We r humans and have to have humanity all the way

So anyone can make a mistakes at anytime and sometimes u have to carry its guilt for a lifetime. But its always GREAT if u know ur mistakes and it will be the BEST if u did not commit it again

Khoikkok,

So you feel compassion towards ChicksRocks mother?

childsrock,

Bkate Dude... I was the one who suggest for confronting her.. now it seems like u r confronting me :):)

I say  i am NOT compassionate about her. I am just saying there must be something that is making her to act like that. May be the mental issue, may be because of drug, may be some related to her pregnancy or anything?

I was just confused that she tried to had an abortion when she was 5 months pregnant. Why in the hell it will take to 5 months to decide to have a child or not ? what made her to decide okay she will not have this child ?  (sorry dude, ur case isdiscussed in public)

If someone have mental issue in ur family, u cant run way from them. They are already in the state where they can easily make wrong judgment and now its the high time when they need u a most. isn't it the case?

guys,

chicksrock is fabricating all these stuffs. A mom would never to that to her own kid...PERIOD!!!!!!!!

jotsamachar bro,

to chicksrock:

interesting case. I am quite surprised ur aunt did not say anything at that time. Also suprised how disconnected u feel with ur siblings. U have a sister and also feel disconnected. If u were raised normal scenario then most of the time ur elder siblings will look after u and if it is a sister then they will look after u pretty carefully. May be having a five years difference seems a lot when u r children, but for adult ones its like from same generation isn't it. How many people u have made friends in US who r may be 3-4 years elder then u

Being a child at 28 is not an embarrassing moment. One of my cousin had a children when their elder one was in grade 10, they and we all are Okay with that

I am not the psychologist or have taken any psycology class. So my advices are not the professional one

It seems like u r very close to ur DAD. Have u discussed these things with ur dad. if i am amazed u have not discussed these things with ur DAD. when u r children, most of the question u asked when u r too curious abt it. And when ur in teen-phase ( i will say rebellious phase) person will show the rebel characteristics and u have not discussed it.


I  can understand how mentally tough u r, these things bother u some times. And time is the best medicine. Try to keep ur self busy. so that u have little time to ponder abt it. i think most of the time when u r alone then these things bother u a lot. Get married and have companion i will say it will be best healing process for u.

bro,

Chicksrock,

It is obvious that you feel quite morose about the situation. There are not always clean solutions in life. As people have said above, sometimes you just have to accept that we get shitty parents..and move on. Get counseling and help and move on.

bro if u are trying to lighten it up a lill bit thanks bro.......

I know it's easy to say, but hard to accept. I'd say, just move on and learn from the things. Get into relationship and give as much as love possible to your own kids, but don't spoil them. Every parents are not good to their children. I knew that after reading crime stories here. Feel lucky that you're not orphan and had a very loving father and you weren't abused when you were kid. I've read parents killing their own kids, or beating them severely even to the ones as young as infants; locking them in closets for several hours (2 out of 4 died in a closet; news from last week) or even starving the kids to death or other kinds of physical abuse. Even in Nepal, in some parts, parents basically sell their kids to to pimps or as 'kamalaris'. Gender discrimination among the kids are still not rare in Nepal. I've seen the cases of the parents alienating the kids for the rest of life for not marrying the girl or boy of their choice. Here also, kids get caught up in parent's divorce.

thanks arahat

jptsamchar wrote "A mom would never to that to her own kid...PERIOD!!!!!!!!".

Really? Believe me I have seen lots of mom doing that. Just because you give birth to a human being does not make you a good mother or a parent. You need to take a look outside of the nepali veil you are wearing that tells you parents are always great, right and should thus always be respected.

 Just the reason to have kid is in self-interest on parents' side so no as a child we owe nothing to them.

Hurray. Go ask your Mother

ChicksRock,

I know that many of these guys are trying to give the best advice that they can give to guys like us. But without understanding what a sociopath is (and how they cannot be reasoned with--by definition), there is no way they will understand your story.

You cannot expect these other guys to understand. They either do not know what a sociopath is or have never have one in their family. Probably it is both.

Definition of a sociopath:
http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html

But I understand what you are talking about. The pain of a society like ours forcing you to love someone who has nothing but their own interest in mind...is undescribable.

It like having someone with a Hannibal Lecter kind of personality (from the movie Silence of the Lambs) in your family...as your mother. For most of you, that is more than your imagination could stretch. And for good reason. Just be thankful that you were spared experiences like the ones that ChicksRock and I have gone through.  I wouldn't wish the kind of mother that both I or ChicksRock have had...on anyone.

If you really want to know what it feels like to have a sociopath in the family, read this article. But remember that this is from an American perspective. To be in a society like Nepal and to have a sociopath as a mother is 4 or 5 times worse. Why? Because of the kind of responses you see in the thread where people who have no concept of what a sociopath is...want to tell you...'just love your mother and everything will be ok...afterall, she is your mother. She wants nothing but the best for you.'
http://www.youmeworks.com/sociopaths.html

Like Hurray said, just watch American news of father's abusing daughters. Mother's killing their children. It is just that in our society no one talks about these unpleasant things so it never comes out.

In this thread I have seen reasoning where some people are saying: "She was not born that way, so love her anyway." I don't understand this reasoning. If someone becomes a serial killer or goes crazy beyond the point that they don't know what they are doing, should you just close your eyes and let them destroy your life also...all in the name of loving them? Why? Why is that a good idea?
Just because they are family, even if they are not acting like family, should you just sacrifice your sanity and peace of mind because they are related to you? Why does that make sense? Why would that be good for anyone?