If you've willingly boycotted the 'Commitments-cum-Expectations' camp long back, 'Friends with Benefits' (FWBs) is probably the thing you're looking for.

For your frame of reference, this fad defines a mutually beneficial relationship between two friends who indulge in casual sex with no bonds or expectations involved. In an age when all that people think of is adding digits to their bank balance, this trend has become quite a rage. Commitment might have taken a backseat but the desire for pleasure never will.

On being asked reasons as to why this trend has come into being, relationship therapist, Rachna Kothari says "Some reasons would be, the mere known fact that two friends are physically attracted to each other and can benefit each other (most often sexually), the want of pleasure or feeling of loneliness in a person or exes wanting to be in a physical relationship with no label attached. For those who believe they live in a culture that pursues individualism as the highest goal, it makes this relationship more pragmatic. Because there is no commitment or responsibility, one is free from feelings of hurt, pain, etc. and this can be a very honest and practical way of going about in relationships."

It is for sure, considering how comfortable one is with the idea, 'Friends with Benefits' is not a bad way to go about relationships. But then again, it is not all that easy. Here are certain dos and don'ts while being a FWBs.

Most times, in such a relationship, it is difficult to maintain proximity after you're done with your physical needs. Don't hook up with someone you are extremely close to or someone you can't do without on a regular basis. People generally say that women tend to fall in love with their partners after getting physical. But studies break that myth. It is normal that the moment you have had sexual intercourse, the body naturally emits hormones which generate feelings of love and affection. Sometimes, one of the partners agrees to being 'friends with benefits' just because they have feelings for the other and think that having casual sex would actually initiate sparks for the onset of a relationship. This can lead to heartbreak or a break in friendship or, in a worse scenario, both.

If, god willing, you fall in love at some point, this past phase can provoke doubt in your current relationship. FWBs can be a human interference when you're in a real relationship. Your current love can actually be insecure (and we see no fault in that) because of this so-called past-bed-buddy. If the FWB is an acquaintance, it's easy to break ties once you both have satisfied your physical needs.

Remember, it's about having an unspoken agreement between you and your friend to have occasional sex, leaving out the emotional baggage. You both should acknowledge this. Make sure the signal 'We're not lovers' is clear. Don't nestle or cuddle everytime you get an opportunity. Even sympathy sex is a no-no. This paves way to wanting more than just sex.

Rachna Kothari says, "Mutually, if two friends agree that there's no expectations, no commitments, then it's not detrimental because their attitudes are set right for this. But for those who believe that lovemaking and not mechanical sex is what's important, it is obviously detrimental as it violates every bit of their expectations."

Make sure the intimacy of this relationship is just between the two of you, without making it a public deal. Don't brag about what a love muffin you are. The friendship could be gone with the wind.

Comfort is the key word while being FWBs. You need not be worried about concealing that birthmark which you've always disliked, or those flabs you couldn't lose in the gym or whether you will perform well in bed. Just enjoy the moments without fretting much.

Most importantly, play safe. Don't just hook up without taking precautions. A bubbly night or a stressful day should be no excuse to not use protection before sex. Make sure you don't end up panic struck because of this risky relationship.

Maintaining friends with sexual benefits can be quite a hassle unless you stick by the ground rules. There is no harm being offbeat in relationships, but not acting in accordance to the rules would just lead to your life going haywire

Afu le garna napayeko le post gare ho casual sex with casula fren

 tyasto garna mann lagera ni garna napayeka haru dherai chhan yaha, almost 90% sajhaites...haha

Copy cat!! Give the credit where the credit is due. least mention the source and do not pretend as if you wrote the article. 

http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2011-06-08/man-woman/28376724_1_relationship-friends-benefits

For those who dont have Casual sex friend, Sex toys can be option

 

यौनसन्तुष्टि प्राप्त गर्न प्रयोग गरिने कृत्रिम यौनसामग्री नै सेक्सटोयज हो, जुन ठ्याक्कै उही आकार र रंगमा उपलब्ध हुन्छ। यसका थुप्रै भेराइटिज छन्। आफैं सन्तुष्टि पाउनुका साथै अरूद्वारा सन्तुष्टि प्राप्त गर्न पनि यसको प्रयोग गरिन्छ। यौन खेलौनाका बारेमा थुप्रै गलत धारणा विद्यमान छन्। भनिन्छ, एक्लो र सेक्सुअल पार्टनर नभएका व्यक्ति, समलिंगी (गे अथवा लेस्बियन) हरूले यसको प्रयोग गर्छन् तर सत्य अर्कै छ। यसको प्रयोग सबै व्यक्तिले उत्तिकै गर्छन्। कोही एक्लो भएका बेला वा यौन मित्रसँगै यौन आनन्दका लागि यस्ता सेक्सटोयज प्रयोग गरिन्छ। सेक्सटोयज क्वालिटीयुक्त सफा एवं आकर्षक हुनुपर्छ । यसको प्रयोगबाट यौनजन्य सरुवा रोगबाट बच्न सकिन्छ। सेक्सटोयज मुख्यतः माड्ने, दल्ने र भाइब्रेटर हुन्छन् जुन यौनांग र मलद्वारमा यौनसम्पर्कका बेला प्रयोगमा ल्याइन्छ। 

सहवासमा सेक्सटोयजको प्रयोग

कहिलेकाहीँ आफ्नो यौनप्यासका सम्बन्धमा आफ्नो सेक्स पार्टनरलाई भन्न गाह्रो हुन्छ। नयाँ खालको रमाइलो गर्ने कुरामा उनीहरू आफ्ना कुरा व्यक्त गर्न सक्दैनन्। कतिपयमा सेक्सटोयज प्रयोग गर्नु हुँदैन भन्ने मानसिकता हुन्छ। इमान्दारिता र खुला रूपमा आफ्नो सेक्स पार्टनरलाई यस विषयमा बताउनुपर्छ, जसले गर्दा यौन सम्पर्कका बेला यस्ता सेक्सटोयजको प्रयोगका सम्बन्धमा दुवैमा सकारात्मक धारणाको विकास भै पूर्ण यौनसन्तुष्टिको भागीदार हुन सकिन्छ। सेक्स पार्टनरलाई के गर्न मन लाग्छ ? उसले यौनलाई कसरी स्वीकार गर्छ भन्ने कुरादेखि लिएर सेक्सटोयज स्वस्थ हुनुपर्छ जस्ता  कुराको ख्याल गरे यसले जीवनलाई आनन्ददायक बनाउने दाबी गरिन्छ।

सेक्सटोय किन्दा ध्यान दिनुपर्ने कुरा

कस्तो खालको सेक्सटोय छान्ने अथवा कसरी प्रयोग गर्ने भन्ने सम्बन्धमा केही कुरा दिमागमा राख्नुपर्छ। यसको प्रयोग आनन्दायक र स्वास्थ्यका दृष्टिकोणले यौनजन्य संक्रमणरहित हुनुपर्छ।

सेक्सटोयजको प्रयोगअघि त्यसको क्वालिटी र अवस्थामा ध्यान पुर्‍याउनुपर्छ। नरमपन पनि जाँच्नु आवश्यक हुन्छ। सेक्सटोय च्यातिएको अथवा भाँचिएको पनि हुन सक्छ।

सेक्सटोयजको प्रयोगमा चिल्लो पदार्थको ठूलो भूमिका हुन्छ जसले सुरक्षित यौनआनन्द प्रदान गर्छ। यसका लागि आफ्नो यौन खेलौनाअनुरूपको उच्चस्तरीय चिल्लो पदार्थ (लुब्रिकेन्ट) बजारमा उपलब्ध हुन्छ।

सबै यौन खेलौना साटासाट गर्नु उपयुक्त हुँदैन। यस्ता सामग्री कसैलाई दिँदा यौन संक्रमण हुनसक्छ।

नधोइएको र कन्डम प्रयोग नगरिएको सेक्सटोय मुख र महिला यौनअंगमा लगाउनु हुँदैन, किनभने सेक्सटोयलाई गुदद्वारमा पनि प्रयोग गरिएको हुनसक्छ। बिना सावधानी प्रयोग भए यसबाट महिलाहरूको पिसाब नलीमा संक्रमण हुन सक्छ। 

यदि सेक्सटोयको प्रयोगले पीडा भए तत्काल सम्भोगक्रिया रोक्नुपर्छ। आफ्नो पार्टनरसँग सेक्सटोय प्रयोग गर्दा एक-अर्कामा विश्वास आवश्यक हुन्छ। पुनः इच्छा भए केही बेर आराम गरेर सेक्स टोयमा थप चिल्लो पदार्थ लगाई काम सुरु गर्नु उपयुक्त हुन्छ।

सेक्सटोयको सफाइ

सेक्सटोय महँगो हुन्छ। यसको प्रयोग बारम्बार गरिन्छ। त्यसैले पनि यसलाई जोगाउन उत्तिकै ध्यान पुर्‍याउनुपर्छ। यौनजन्य संक्रमण र जीवाणु आक्रमणबाट बच्न पनि सेक्सटोयलाई राम्रोसँग सफा गर्नुपर्छ। केही रोगका जीवाणु सेक्सटोयमा लामो समयसम्म रहन सक्छन्। हेपाटाइटिस र स्क्याबिजजस्ता रोगका जीवाणु केही सातादेखि महिना दिनसम्म जीवित हुन सक्छन्। त्यसका लागि सेक्सटोयलाई कसरी सफा गर्ने भन्ने कुरामा ध्यान दिनु आवश्यक हुन्छ।

कडा सेक्सटोय

कडा सेक्सटोय जुन सिसा, स्टिल, कडा प्लास्टिक वा सिलिकनले बनेका हुन्छन्। सिसालाई साबुन पानीले धुनुपर्छ। नरम सिसाबाट बनेका साधन साबुन-पानीले धुँदा सफा हुन्छन् भने यस्ता सेक्सटोयलाई तातो स्थानमा राख्नु हुँदैन। स्टिलबाट बनेका सेक्सटोयमा विद्युतीय मेसिन जोडिएको भए हल्का मनतातो साबुन पानि प्रयोग गर्नुपर्छ। यदि विद्युतीय मेसिन प्रयोग नभएको खण्डमा त्यसलाई ब्लिच र पानीको घोलमा १० मिनेट उमालेर सुकाउनुपर्छ।  कडा प्लास्टिकबाट निर्मित सेक्सटोयलाई एन्टिब्याक्टेरियल साबुन-पानीले धुनुपर्छ भने यसलाई पानीमा उमाल्नु हुँदैन। सिलिकनबाट बनेका सेक्सटोयलाई पाँच मिनेट उमाल्नुपर्छ, त्यसपछि धुनुपर्छ। सिलिकन टोयलाई एन्टिब्याक्टेरियल साबुन र तातो पानीले धुनुपर्छ। सिलिकनबाट बनेका भाइब्रेटरलाई उमाल्नु हुँदैन, किनभने त्यसले भाइब्रेटरको आन्तरिक संरचना बिगार्न सक्छ।

नरम सेक्सटोय

नरम सेक्सटोयहरू रबर, रेक्जिन, नाइलन तथा छालाबाट बनेका हुन्छन्। रबरबाट बनेका सेक्सटोय पारदर्शी र नरम भएकाले सफा गर्न गाह्रो हुन्छ। यो विभिन्न केमिलकको मिश्रणबाट बन्छ जुन स्वास्थ्यका लागि हानिकारक हुन सक्छ। त्यस कारण यस्ता सेक्सटोयको प्रयोगमा कन्डम युज गर्नु उपयुक्त हुन्छ।  रेक्जिनबाट बनेका सेक्सटोय एकदम नरम र धुन कठिन हुन्छन्। यसबाट धेरैजसो कृत्रिम लिंग बनेका हुन्छन्। यसलाई नरम तातो पानीले मात्र धुनुपर्छ। सुकाएपछि यसलाई सफा र चम्किलो साथै धूलो नटाँसिने बनाउन पाउडर लगाउनुपर्छ। नाइलनबाट निर्मित सेक्सटोयलाई एन्टिब्याक्टेरियल साबुन-पानीले धुन सकिन्छ।  छालाबाट बनेका सेक्स्ाटोयहरू पनि धुन मिल्ने खालका हुन्छन्। यसलाई सफा गर्दा लेदर कन्डिसनर प्रयोग गर्नुपर्छ।



सेक्सटोय प्रयोगका फाइदा

 

• विश्वका लाखौं व्यक्तिको यौनचाहनालाई यस्ता सेक्सटोय निर्माण कम्पनीले विभिन्न प्रकारको यौनसामग्री उत्पादन गरी पूरा गरिरहेका छन्।  यस्ता सेक्सटोयबाट मानिसहरूले राम्रै फाइदा लिने गरेका छन्, अर्थात् सेक्सटोय पनि उनीहरूको यौन सन्तुष्टि पाउने माध्यम बनेको छ। यसको प्रयोगले थुप्रैलाई प्रत्यक्ष फाइदा पुयाएको छ।
• सेक्सटोयले यौनव्यवहारमा विविधता ल्याउनुका साथै यसले यौनसम्बन्धमा पूर्ण सन्तुष्टि प्रदान गरेको दाबी गरिन्छ।
• सेक्सटोयले मानिसको यौनआकांक्षा पूरा गर्छ। यसले यौन सम्बन्धलाई पनि सहयोग पुर्‍याउँछ।
• यसले राम्रो यौनसम्बन्धलाई पनि मसालेदार बनाउन सहयोग गर्छ।
• सेक्स पार्टनरबाट सन्तुष्टि नमिलेको अवस्थामा यसबाट आफ्नो इच्छानुसार यौनसन्तुष्टि लिन सकिन्छ।
• सेक्स पार्टनर टाढा भएका बेला यसको प्रयोग गरी सन्तुष्टि लिन सकिन्छ।
• सेक्सटोयको प्रयोगले पूर्ण यौनसन्तुष्टि दिनुका साथै तनावबाट पनि मुक्ति दिन्छ।
• सेक्सटोयले यौन सक्रियता बढाउँछ।
• पार्टनरलाई यौनचाहना नभए यसको प्रयोग गरी आफूले सन्तुष्टि लिन सकिन्छ।

This is somehow interesting topic.
In nepal, sex is still considered a taboo while in western world , it is much like basic need after food.
There has been much discussion regarding friends of benefits. I found this article very informative.I do not bolg but with much convinced from friends , i started blogging , n it has been on n on.

One of my dearest female friends is in a relationship with a friend of her own. It’s not an unhealthy relationship, but the man has made it clear to my friend that it has a definite ending as he needs to move away for a job. She understands this, intellectually anyway. But there’s some question as to whether our intellect can overrule our emotion in every instance and in every situation.

I suspect that the more time we spend with another person involved in intimacies, the more intimate we get regardless of our overall intentions. I would even go so far to say that it’s inevitable. That like that old premise in “When Harry Met Sally,” men and women can’t just be friends. Well, I mean that they definitely cannot just be friends if they’re actively engaging in a sexual relationship.

I know my friend knows that, so intellectually, she’s cool. But I also know that matters of the heart can often short-circuit our rationality, leading us to engage in behaviors that, in the long-run, may not be emotionally the most healthy for us.

These thoughts led me to look up the research literature on “friends with benefits,” and I was pleasantly surprised to come away with a few citations where this phenomenon has actually been studied. These kinds of relationship most often occur in younger adults (high school and college-age students) who are still actively exploring their sexuality.

Puentes and his colleages (2008) collected over 1,000 surveys of undergraduates and came away with the following observations on these “friends with benefits relationships” (FWBRs):

1. Males. Over sixty percent of the men (63.7%) compared to slightly over half (50.2%) of the women reported experience in a friends with benefits relationship. While not statistically significant, McGinty et al. (2007) also found men more likely participants and concluded that, “men focus on the benefits, women on the friends” aspect of the friends with benefits relationship. Previous research comparing men and women has emphasized that men think more about sex, report a higher number of sexual partners, and engage in more frequent sexual encounters than women (Michael et al., 1994).

2. Casual daters. Respondents who were casually dating different people (76.3%) were significantly more likely to report experience in a FWBR than those emotionally involved with one person (49.3%) or not dating/involved with anyone (49.9%). It is clear that while the respondents were having sex with a friend, they did not define the relationship as a dating relationship that was going anywhere. To the contrary, the participants had a dating life (or were open to one) with different people that was separate from the friends with benefits relationship.

3. Hedonist. Undergraduates selecting hedonism (82.2%) as their primary sexual value were significantly more likely to be involved in a friends with benefits relationship than those selecting relativism (52.3%) or absolutism (20.8%). Unlike relativists who prefer sex in the context of a love relationship and absolutists who won’t have sex outside of a marriage relationship, hedonists are focused on sexual pleasure, not the relationship with the person.

4. Sex without love. It comes as no surprise that participants in a FWBR were adept at having sex independent of love. Indeed, over 80 percent of participants in a FWBR reported that they had had sex without love, compared to 13.4% of non participants who preferred sex in the context of a love relationship. This difference was statistically significant.

5. Nonromantic/realist. In contrast to romantics who believed that there is only one true love/love comes only once, nonromantics (also known as realists) viewed this belief as nonsense. Analysis of the data revealed that undergraduate realists who believed that there were any number of people with whom they could fall in love (57.9%) were significantly more likely to be a participant in a friends with benefits relationship than were undergraduate romantics who believed in one true love (44.7%).

In effect, nonromantics believe that they would have many opportunities to meet/fall in love and that a friends with benefits relationship would not cancel out their chance of doing so. Hughes et al. (2005) also found that persons involved in a friends with benefits relationship had a pragmatic view of love.

6. Question deep love’s power. Participants were less likely than nonparticipants to believe that deep love can help a couple get through any difficulty. Slightly over half (52.7%) of participants in a FWBR reported they did not believe in the power of deep love compared to over 60% (62.3 %) of nonparticipants who did believe in such power. We interpret this finding as another example of participants being nonromantic realists who were not focused on romantic love in their relationships.

7. Jealousy. Undergraduates identifying themselves as a jealous person (58.8%) were significantly more likely to be involved in a friends with benefits relationship than those who did not view themselves as jealous (51.1%). We are not sure how to interpret this data as we would assume just the opposite. Nevertheless, the data show that participants are more jealous. Perhaps those having sex with a friend wonder how many other sexual partners their “friend” has and want to feel that they are “special” and “unique.”

8. Blacks. In regard to racial differences, over sixty percent of blacks (62.5%) in contrast to over half of the whites (52.9%) reported involvement in a friends with benefits experience. Previous research comparing blacks and whites on interpersonal issues revealed that blacks valued romantic relationships less than whites, were less involved in an exclusive relationship, and were less disclosing in intimate relationships (Giordan et. al., 2005). Data from the National Survey of Family and Households also revealed great instability of black compared to white marriages (Raley 1996). A “friends with benefits” relationship which provides minimal emotional investment for a sexually involved couple is not inconsistent with relationship instability.

9. Higher class rank/age. The more advanced the undergraduate in class rank, the more likely the undergraduate reported involvement in a friends with benefits relationship: freshmen = 45.4%, sophomore = 55.1%, junior = 55.2% and senior = 62%. As might be expected, the older the student, the more likely the FWBR involvement with those 20 and older being more likely. We suspect that age increases one’s opportunity for a FWRB experience and that older undergraduates given the opportunity for a FWFR are more likely to cash in.

10. Money focused. When asked about their top value in life, undergraduates identifying financial security (67.9%) were significantly more likely to be in a friends with benefits relationship than those who identified having a career that they loved (53.9%) or having a happy marriage (48.5%) as their primary life value. Seemingly, the pursuit of money was more important than a love relationship moving toward commitment or marriage and they (participants in a friends with benefits relationship) took sex in whatever convenient context they could get it.

Frankly, the more I read about friends with benefits relationships, the more convinced I am that my friend isn’t actually involved in one of these (since they occur with increasingly less frequency as one ages and matures).

Perhaps she’s simply in a relationship in which the man is simply unawares or purposely ignorant. As long as she is aware, and isn’t expecting more from the relationship than he’s willing to give, then I think it’s fine.

But I also think it’s difficult for us, as humans, to separate sexuality from our emotions (even though it appears men are more able to do so than women). Even when men do so, I believe many do so only outwardly. Inside, perhaps unconsciously, they still feel the connection they’re making through sex.

Because sex is more than just a physical act of pleasure. It strips us, if just for a moment, of all of our social masks, and bares our physical desires (and some might argue, our souls) to the other person. While men may deny that happens, I can’t help but believe it does. Maybe not in everyone, but I think in more men than research shows.

As for my friend, I worry about her. While she’s a smart, attractive, and wonderful person, I think she may be blinded by her own cynicism about relationships, love, and attraction. But after awhile, it’s hard not to. When you meet so many people who are just interested in relationships on their own terms (and for their own ends), it can be hard to see the forest through the trees.

Or the man who has feelings for you, despite his protestations to the contrary.

Sex is so over rated these days. With empowerment of women, more of hidden desires will surface. Expectation in any kind of relationship is bad. Love should be unconditional