Hi all. I am 25 and I am having a serious quarter life crisis. My boring story goes on like this.

 I am from an average middle class family in Nepal, so since the day I landed in states I had to work my ass of to pay bills for my college and living. I was really good with my studies like you know getting good grades in SLC, plus 2 bullshit. Anyways my transition to states was not as bad as I hear of but not really good either. Most of the time I had to be cautious with my bills and sometimes I had to work extra hard or ask my family for financial support to pay the bills and dues. Hard work bla bla bla I did graduate and got offers. Something told me to go for grad school and I started it. And got a few papers published too. I have no regrets whatsoever.

 In the end in retrospection when I look at my personal life it despairs me because at 25 I have very few good friends I can count on. Tonight was the worst when I couldnt even find anybody to drink with. I am a cynic at heart and I tend to have worst first impression. But people who know me from a long time know that despite my acerbic bitterness and hatred towards everything in general, I am a good person at heart like you know somebody you could count on. I know it is not something I should be telling but its true and I got to accept that. With all that existential bullshit, I cant seem to find a stance and position myself and be a person I want to be. I am in a shitty relationship that we both know it is not going to work, and besides that I have no motivation, driving force or an inspiration. All that used to inspire me seems like a total bullshit and despite all that "its a wonderful world" euphemism, I somehow get mad at it. I now have a more difficult time in approaching people to befriend as my self-esteem and self-confidence has gone down the drain. I would rather hide behind my desk. Believe it or not my weight has gone down by some pounds and I am actually scared that I might be heading down the vicious road towards depression.

 Now what the [Disallowed String for - bad word] is happening to me, and how to fix this mess? Last week I went to Barnes and Nobles and got two books on self-help but they have been lying at my desk and I can barely go through a couple of page. I already hate them. I have become a freak. Can you imagine my frustration. I am the same person who used to read at least a couple of books when I was in high school. Its been four years and I havent even finished a single book except that book/ poem collection by Bertolt Bretcht. What the [Disallowed String for - bad word] is happening? Where is my salvation? Am I really a pathetic person? 

The problem with coutries like US is that close friends live far away and it is hard to meet them. Texas, California, NEw York and then you are in the middle. Even if you live in a big city, time table doesn't match because of work hours. For shopping you need to have a vehicle and drive about 30 minutes to reach wal-mart or a mall. In US it is hard to get a good social life.  Unlike NEpal where you can call your friends and meet up in just 20 minutes, here in the US it's hard to do that. Trust me I have seen many like you and infact you could say I am one of you with weight problem, skipping classes and wanting to be in my room the whole day watching TV or surfing the internet. One thing that is keeping me alive is watching sports like college Basketball(following my college), NBA and sometimes NFL. It gives you a sense of virtual happiness and occupies your time. Try getting into some hobbies of you likeness and it would surely keep you a little happier. Sometimes i do webdesigning staying in my bed with a laptop and time just passes by while I wait to graduate. All you need to do now is have a plan for your life. My plan is to earn a little money buy some equipments from here and then go back to Nepal and do some modern businees stuffs. I would use my experience here in US and apply it in Nepal ( not necessary college knowledge).  The good thing is I will be back in Nepal and will  be living an easy life with dal and bhaat. Anyway welcome to mid-life crisis and just dont do anything stupid !~

Lol!

this types of things are common here in us. The foremost thing is not to PANIK, it will bring down the hell out of u. U gotta seek help from anyone , may be it be from library personnel, church, temple, anyone, may be even with meetup group,
common u r in usa , and u dont need a friend from school or college to be your friends, u can simply join any social networking group and find ppl of your interest and share your stories

they can be of your best help, dont think you are alone, just join meetup group, u can find hundreds of ppl with similiar type of situation and they might channelized your positive energy in the better well being, just dont think u r alone or u dont hv buddies

or just volunteer in church in sundays or saturdays in their daily activities,in that u can connect to the commnities, one thing ppl misnderstood abt church is that it is not only for praying, but also getting connted with different wake of life.
Just remove the sterotype feelings that u dont hv drinking buddies or shopping buddies, just go out, u will shine for life.

 Why don't you marry and have couple of kids. I am sure your boredome will just go away in split of second :)

I think this is something that happens to everyone, not just you, including people who are not non-resident aliens. In fact, it happens to everyone everywhere. So you're not the exception to the rule.

The reason why you feel the way you do is because you've come this far knowing what you're supposed to do, suddenly what you know has been completed and your periodic quarter life epiphanies ask you what next? You don't have the answer, you shouldn't have the answer, most people don't have the answer and they start to panic.

Most people in their 20s don't realize that their 20s will never come backuntil they turn 29. It took me two years and plenty of not-so-good people to really grasp this concept . While I may not be here with my family, I do have a tight circle of friends from all cultures who've stood with me throughout the worst times. I know I'm not gonna have time to enjoy life with them later on as we all settle down, so I take the time to enjoy life with them. I spend time with family when possible, despite the gen gap, because I know they're the only ones who care about my best interests. Understand that having and knowing your purpose in life is a comic book theme, not reality. 

As cheesy as it may sound, so much is under your control than you think. You're in a "shitty relationship" you say, what's keeping you in it? Get yourself out, meet other people despite challenges, you'll learn from it the least.  Develop a hobby, like someone said earlier. This can only be accomplished by doing new things. If you're in college, that's even better because so many different people are around you. People who are working don't have this luxury.

So stop thinking and drinking, get back down to reality and focus on enjoying life. Good luck. :)

Thanks for your comments ppl, I now still have faith in sajha (and humanity in general, the irony is there) as a forum to share experiences and all that jizz jazz. But there are always cynic clowns and I don't reprimend that coz I am one of them. 

 Anyways as much as I liked reading all your perspectives, abstract imagery, and some helpful lifehacking suggestions (cliche and non-cliche type) I loved foxconn's perspective the best. Once again thanks to you dude/gal (whatever it is). Your insight on the running out of ideas and getting panic attacks upon realization of one's "lost soul" is true, and the more I think of it the more it sounds like its the deal.
 
 Now I demand more answers. Besides all that name, fame, and green game, what do people really want? What's that thing in your white stuff in your head that makes you a go-getter and not a couch-sloucher? I am interested in that too. What makes you a party king/queen and not a loner drinking in a dark by yourself? I expect more of a substantial and ridiculous hypothetical answer that I can relate to rather than those old cliche ones (like "be yourself", "enjoy your life", "approach people and make friends", IDK shitbag ideas like that coz if you have read about it or thought about it, chances are I might have done the same). 

Once again thanks everybody for reading, and thanks x 2 to all for posting. (even a three letter work "LOL" qualifies you for that extra thanks).
Peace and cheers

P.S I haven't really posted or read sajha for a long time. The last time I was here there was no such thing as like/flag thingy. I didn't flag answer on purpose. I just thought it was something like dislike (it is my own judgement and I could be wrong. I clicked like/flag solely on how I could relate to it)....

Hey Madtech, aren't you the same 'girl' who was going apeshit over your delayed flights ? What was funny about the original post? 

B_S, there are a number of things that people can relate to. If you're in a crappy relationship, let her go and start fresh. I'm assuming she's not happy being 'stuck' w/ you either. If that's not the case, try to work it out. Re: friends, having a few good friends is enough. None of my closest friends live close to me and I'm fine w/ it. Try finding ways and methods to keep yourself occupied, motivated and uplifted. Indulge in activities that you can do on your own or w/ some strangers that will keep you occupied. Are you into sports? Play soccer, basketball, chess etc. Go for a 2-3 mile run ever couple days. Join a gym. Exercising on a regular basis will decrease your stress level and improve your mood. 

Find ways or reasons to take a trip to visit your close and near ones. Resort to good music instead of alcohol and drugs (if you're consuming them)! 

It's easier said than done but try to remain positive. There are millions of people your age who're in worse situations that yourself (Think Nepalese in the middle east, Malaysia etc.) If you're listening to "Bittersweet Symphony" on a regular basis, try replacing it with "Lucky Man". After all, you could have been in a much worse situation.

Everybody goes through shit phases in their lives. Stay strong! Remain positive! 

Good luck! 

bittersweet_symphony 
its very hard to keep us driving when we don't meet short term goals and our long term goal keeps getting farther and farther away.
but its life we can't stop. i am also in similar situation. i just force myself to do stuffs that takes me towards my goals. sometime i feel like i have been locked out of luck. but can't stop here. i used to enjoy nba and nfl, but don't enjoy it anymore, only follow. don't get frustated because you are not around friends - this is the life is usa, friends are around us only during good old school days. listen to your heart and keep moving because the world is moving otherwise we will be left behind. 

1)It is good that you do not have friends to drink with coz that is the best way to becoming a drunkard.
  Consider that as a blessing in disguise.

2)Having many friends is way overrated. It is better to have a couple of good friends than tens of mere
  acquaintances. I have just 2 friends and they are overseas.

3)There are many things to do in life to keep you occupied. Try to volunteer, sports, gym, cycling, yoga,
  meditation, watching movies, listening to songs, etc.

4)Never lose your sense of humour. Once you lose that then you lose everything. Watch family guy, etc and if you
  dont find that funny read jokes online. You will find humour in almost everything once you change your
  perception.

5)Find a motivation in life and set a target goal. Be realistic. I have a target goal myself which i had told myself
  that i would achieve in 10 yrs. I could not achieve it. So i extended it by another 5 years and now i am closer to
  achieving it.

6)To be depressed is normal. Everyone has depression at some stage. The only difference being many find a way to cope
  and get over it naturally than through medications. Thankfully as Nepalese, our threshold for pain is higher and our
  ability to recover from pain is much higher.

7)If your gf is giving you a problem, deal with that in a mature way. If problems cannot be solved, it is better to
  move on. It is better for both. Plenty of fish in the sea for both.

8)The last book that i read was also years ago. Many people have this habit of losing interest in reading. This is
  normal. Do not force yourself to read. Once the interest comes back, you will slowly get back to it. Reading articles,
  news, etc online is also reading.

9)Have faith in God. Getting a divine perspective of life gives a newer meaning to life.

10)Each one of us comes with a single entry visa to this world. Some have it for a few days, some for 120 odd years.
   Life is unpredictable but short. Try to be happy and bring happiness to people around you. Keep away from greed,
   selfishness, aggression. When i was in Nepal there were a few times where i have let people cheat me fully knowing
   that i was being cheated. But of course i would tell them that i hoped they would not do that in future. I have never
   fought for money. I believe in karma. Nature has her own way of handling these things. And i was over paid on my first
   job here in USA. When i reported it, they asked me to keep it!. It was 1000 bucks!.

So cheer up brother. You are just 25. Life is a roller coaster ride filled with love but there will be pain as well.
Have patience. Good luck and all the best!. Do keep posting.

Cheer up boys. This song is dedicated to all single guys who visit sajha.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWNaR-rxAic

 Guys, I am humbled by your earnest opinions. There was a time when I believed that sajha was a homebase for pseudo-intelluctuals with their hackneyed and stereotypical preachings. Some of the things you guys said have really touched my soul.

 Riddle, your comment was great but I don't think I want to compare with anybody else coz' I feel that I cannot measure happiness in that way. Like somebody else in Malaysia might work really hard and save something for his/her family and be very happy and proud about the accomplishment. Or there could be somebody like our very own ex-crown prince Paras who has everything he needs but doesn't seem to find happiness. This lands us back to that old Aristotalian philosophy. Anyways I liked your idea of running. I will try that from today.
old_jeans, you are right. Getting stuck in this status quo and eventually failing to move forward is what scares me the most. Somehow I am not being able to do so and I still dont get why. That's why I used the anonymity of internet forum to reach out and find answers as I am too embarassed to talk about this with my friends/family.
freedom2012, I duly appreciate your effort and time for that itemized perspectives. Although itemized stuff tends to be a distraction for me, yours was pretty stolid and I enjoyed reading it. I loved your perspective on humor. To be honest that is perhaps the most helpful tip I have recieved so far. The visa thing was funny too. Anyways about the relationship drama I just don't want to start as I myself know the solution but I am unable to implement. However I am a affirmed atheist and I plan to study a little bit on Buddhism once I get my rhythm back.

dcgirl, you must be on your early teens. 
 

I wasn't literally urging you to compare yourself to people working menial jobs in SE Asia or the middle east. Just trying to comfort you by saying that you're in a significantly better position and you have no reasons to be unhappy with but then again, happiness is relative. 

And yeah, you should definitely go take a run and get more involved. The result of exercising is phenomenal, not just physically but mentally, too. Taking out all your stress, frustrations on the field or the running track will significantly improve your mood, attitude and outlook in general. 

To BS- No matter how many advice you get, the real change has to come from within yourself. So here are a few questions for you to answer yourself.

1. How open are you to suggestions? Do you only want to hear the stuff that confirms and reaffirms your pre-established world view or are you able to peek outside the bubble and take things from fresh perspective?

2. For your relationship and friendship problems, looks like so far you are approaching people with a clinched fist rather than an open arms? An open arm usually translates into a warm hug for another person, followed by a smile. Physical proximity might help  but chances are a phone call might just do the right trick as well.

3. May be you are walking with clinched fist due to your own insecurities. Or may be your  ego and machoness is getting in the way. We men (I assumed you are a guy, I maybe wrong) tend to think from the d**k sometimes , you know that thing called testosterone.Can you think rationally about your insecurities and try to improve a few small steps at a time?

4. The fact that you came out and opened about your problem shows you are moving in the right direction. Don't be afraid to ask for help when needed. The world outside might not be as cynical as you presume.

4. Are you able to walk a few miles in somebody else's shoe before judging that person? (for your first impression and cynical persona)

5. Are you a perfectionist inside or better yet are you being too hard on yourself? Finishing masters at 25 sounds like a achievement to me? Are you celebrating small things in life rather than lamenting every nitty gritty stuff? Every morning wake up and fill in the blanks for 
                    I am grateful for __________. See how that goes?

6.Do you take any recreational drugs including weed? ( I am giving you the benefit of doubt here, I have so far assumed you dont do it, no offence)  You dont have to answer it in public forum but you know what to do. Steer away from it.

7. I personally have found inspirational video on TED to be short, to the point and eye opening. It might be worth a shot.

8. Last and foremost, know the difference between lonliness and solitude. They may look the same, but solitude provides you ample opportunity to think and reflect on life. It is a prefect moment for soul searching. So, be grateful for solitude but don't linger on it so much that it ruins your relationship with others. That is one more thing to be grateful for.
 
Cheers and a warm hug your way in the most non-gayish brotherly love possible.

PS I tried to paste a smiley, but looks like my teen years are way behind me.It didn't work. 

 forget about getting drunk, I'm getting out of my mind not getting laid 

You need to be an egg and then find a chicken in order to get laid.

Misery doesn't like a company. Much of your problem alleviate from lack of a good company. Allow me to suggest few things.

First and foremost, nobody will knock your door and ask you if you can be their friend. If somebody did, then run!! Jokes aside, you have to take the initiative to goto places where you will meet people. Talk to your friends, whoever is left now, and see if you can tag along to goto gatherings with them. You will meet new people this way. Be open to friendship from people of every demographic.

Join meetup groups. There are plenty of websites (meetup.com). You must have a hobby or sports that you like. Just going there to play and enjoy will help you earn friends; trust me there are sports of every level out there.

In all of this, be yourself. Don't get into bad crowds and horrible habits.

Let's start with a plan. Tomorrow, I want you to wake up an hour earlier than you normally do. Waking up early in the morning makes your day so much brighter. Do some simple yogas or cardio. This will give you a good start. Now smile and keep a positive outlook. Talk to people, bring that smile in your face and you will feel better (this is a proven method).

Once you have more friends and better company, your perspective will change itself. Having a short-term and 5-10 years plan will also help.

Good luck. Let us know if you need more help.

Bittersweet,

Sometimes things are easier to deal with when you realize your place on earth. We are raised with so much expectations and righteousness that it is very easy to fall into the trap that you are falling into.

It helps to understand who you are. You are an animal who belong to the human race who have become more advanced animal because of language and more efficient brain. After thousands of years each of us is bombarded with expectations from family and society that it feels like we are a failure instead of accepting our true worth. Our life is so miniscule compared to the whole universe, we are but a speck of dust, yet during the lifetime of the dust, the dust feels like the king of the world. You are a speck of dust and the best thing for you to do is enjoy your time while you can. Don't worry about others expectations of you, or try to fit into something that you don't want. At the end of the day nothing else matters besides your mental stability. You should keep trying to control your mind till you know how to control your mind, and realize that this life is nothing but experience and what you want to make out of it. You can keep going with the flow of external influences but as long as you learn to be the master of your own mind, then you don't have to worry about a thing.

very well said rethink, very well said. We Nepali ppl suffer from living our lives on other ppl's expectations all the time. we often make major life decisions based on other's expectations and can never be happy. the idea what you are just expressed is the same idea bhagwan Krishna told Arjun thousands of years ago in geeta. same idea what Jesus told his deciples with versus like,
Matthew 6:25-34
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?". our life is so short . i think we should focus on living clean, stress free life and dying clean when the time comes.
25 - yr old dude, don't forget you have accomplished so much in this short time. maybe you're coping with stress free life for some times after school without worrying about homeworks or tests.maybe this is the time you wanna pursue your hobby or do things you couldn't do while you were in college due to your busy schedule. did you wanna play some musical instrument, or learn karate etc?

Time for the Sunscreen Song.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI