Hi guys, i m having too much of tension and stree these days ! so i just need some of your ideas regarding my problem. Hopefully you'll give me suggestion ..Here's my problem.

I am a college girl and currently i am in United States. I have been in love with this guy when i was in Nepal and i still love him the same. Right now he is in Nepal, he is trying to come here but as he is applying for the Green Card(through his parents, they live in US for many years and they're US citizen), its taking a long time for getting all his paper works done. But whenever i talk to him over phone these days, we always fight..The way he talks is very different. Kehi kura garyo bhane pani maile nakkal garyo bhancha, i know couple of his girl friends(keti sathi) in Nepal, and he thinks that i m copying him..When i colored my hair today and sent him a picture, he says i m trying to follow Sapana(name changed)..I dont know why he treats me like that ? When i was talking with him on the phone, he said you're trying to talk like Sapana, maile nakkal gare re ? so these days i think if i get married to him, how is he gonna treat me like ? is he gonna treat me the same way he's doing right now ? I know i really like the guy and all my families and his families know abt our Love affairs, But at the same time, i am worried abt my future life....Tyo keta sanga bihe garyo bhane, ma khusi nai hudaina jasto lagcha malai...But i wanna get married to him. I feel like my life sucks. I feel like doing suicide these days, i always cry. Since there's no any Nepalese around my place or city, i live alone and that's what i think abt every single days, I can't take any decisions...What i really should do ? Its been like more than 3 years i m in US, i've been living by myself, i rarely go outside, i don't know any nepalese around the city, i feel like my Life Really Sucks...Ahile samma Driver's License pani lina sakeko chaina....ma k garu, kata jaun, I feel like crying every moment...Yeti dherai tension cha malai....I was majoring in Nursing but right now i changed to different subject and now its gonna take me another 3-4 Years,I've to study all the prerequisite...I changed my major cuz i though Nursing would be tough later....I've nobody to help me decide anything...So i came to know abt Sajha.com through one of my friend and i thought of posting my problem in here , so that i could get some feedbacks...Hopefully you guys will respond me with some ideas so that i can do much better in upcoming days.
Thanks a Lot..
Racheeta(somewhere in US.)

could you be more specific.

i think u need to go to student consuling at your university or college first..
second .. if u changed your major thinking it will be tough ,why don;t u change him ,if u know life will b tough with him
do good and b good ;)

You have to try to analyze everything objectively. I am a girl, so I understand your pain when someone you love treats you this way.
First, you have to put yourself in his shoes and give him the benefit of doubt. After all you love him, and you do not want to give up love without a fight. He must be stressed out and think that nothing goes his way. You have to be understanding, but don't be pushed around. Be supportive, but stand your ground.
Second, suicide is never a solution. You are lonely right now, but you don't need to be friends only with Nepali people. Go out and find some friends, go and become involved in the International Student office at your school and I am sure you will find many other students from different parts of the world that share the same values as you do. Go to your school's website and see if there are any organizations or clubs at your school that match your interests. That's a great way to meet people.
If you really feel depressed and need a friend or just a helpful ear, please email me at jacqueskallis@yahoo.com

Regards,
-sillygirl

silly girl....so u r not a girl huh....anyway....I wam a southafrican fan too...
and to perrybhadra ...well said....I would like to say the same thing to racheeta....well...whatever u do....please dont suicide.....coz like is beautiful...at least thats what I have been thinking and living till date.....be positive....like a proton...I mean like me.....good luck !!!

Hi Racheeta, dont be depressed and dont even think doing suicide, Life is like that.It happens sometimes. Try to make yourself strong. It happes in love and in life. Always try to be optimistic. If your bf bahaves like that, thats not the good way to bahave. Thers must be respect, trust and understanding in relation. So think before you go for the long term relation. All the best for everything.

Hey Racheeta I am really sorry to hear about your situation. The least I can do for now is couples of words. I think your boyfriend is not matured enough to understand that life is not fair.He has a misconception that everything you do is for fashion or to be nakkali,which is totally wrong. He is upset because he is not able to come here soon like he wants.He has a inferior feelings of himself these days.
If you try to lecture him his manner will be even worse.I know you are smart enough to understand all these however you might wanna talk with me and let him know its hard for you too.

If nothing works then you should follow your heart.

what the hell! try to short out things its not easy but thats the only way

you should be asking him these questions.

nakkal garyo bhanera usle ettikai pani ta bhanya huna sakcha ni jiskidai haina?

guys usually say that to girls but they dont mean to be rude...

Well, I am too old to reply these kind of childish threads. Sorry i cant write anything here.

Wholesale Summary

Hello!!!
I had never thought that i would make a post here at Sajha.com but your problem was quite interesting one. Well first of all, by your talking it seems like you guys shouldn't decide about dumping each other that soon. Let some time go and think if you still remember him and even after that. I beleive love gets weaker when lovers are distant or apart. To decide before you should marry him or not just hang out with him for a while and feel if he still cares for you a lot.
And if the case goes worse, try to be active play some sports , make some friends, keep yourself busy. Also listen to cheerful songs and try to relax. Hope this works for you.
If not reply me back.

Asys

hey Racheeta,

Suicide is out of question, girl. That is not even an option.

Now, for your 'boyfriend' problem, look, you are alone in a godforsaken place. Things come to your mind, naturally. You are stuck there, and your boyfriend is stuck in Nepal. You must be 20ish, at least, and this also means that with no prospect of living with him in the near future, you feel lonesome, and frustrated. People live by hope, but you guys don't have even that. You don't have friends, and I am surprised that you could manage 3 years in this situation!

Now, on the other hand, I feel for you. I had a girlfriend in Nepal, I live in a university town where there are quite a few nepalese, and I also have car. I have recently separated from my girlfriend in Nepal. I thought this long distance was way too to keep our relationship aflame. Plus nasty things and suspicion started coming in my mind, and I decided that it is better not to have relation than the one with so much suspicion.

I felt void for a while. What spurs me now is the hope. I am probably way smarter than you (sorry to brag), and so more hopeful about life. I think you are not in love with that guy. You just think that because everybody knows about your relationship, so you should be his. I think you are afraid to leave him, and find someone else in your life. I also think that you should go home in this summer, whatever it costs. Talk to your parents that you are feeling so lonesome, that you might be crazy. 1-2 lakh rupiyaako kuro ho, go home girl, and you will come back rejuvinated. I have done that during my undergrad so many times.I also think that guy is taking advantage of your position (your weakness and devotion) also. Plus, he probably is eyeing at another girl there, sensing now that marrying some medical doctor there (with his greencard, who knows that could be possible?) is a better choice.

All life starts today. You have authority to make your life better starting from today. Look at future, not past. Leave the jerk if you think he is playing with your emotion. Goodluck.

I think that the main problem here is that you are all alone in a foriegn place with no one to share things with and loneliness gets to the best of us. No human being (except if they have avoidant personality) can live ny themselves with no friends at all for a long time. As silly girl put it, the first thing that you need to do is try to make friends, get active in some student associations and not give yourself long lonesome times where you think about things that depress you.

The first step towards acting out with depression is thinking negative and it seems like you are thinking very negatively. If you are havingg suicidal thoughts, it is serious enough to go to a psychologist and it is okay to go. They are there to help you and going to a psych. doesnt mean that you are crazy. Only if you had some social support, i.e friends and the right state of mind, your boy friend's issue would not be bothering you as much and you couls have been able to think straight for a solutiuon.

At the end of the day, what really matters is "you". If you feel that your boyfriend is not doing you justice then try to talk it out with him and if he still does not understand, take a break. Tell him that you would like to spend some time by yourself and think things over. You dont have to break up with him immidiately. If the time alone does you good, then you will know that you dont want to be with him. If you feel like he does not treat you right and you will not be hapy with him, it does not matter how long you have been with him, or who in your family knows about him. You need to think of yourself and be able to let go. Sure things will beed bad at first, but in the long run you will be happy.

Sorry for the huge lecture, just my 2 cents. But as I see it the first thing you need is friends and then someone to talk to who can actually be physically present in front of you. I seriously hope that you can sort things out.:)

"At the end of the day, what really matters is "you". If you feel that your boyfriend is not doing you justice then try to talk it out with him and if he still does not understand, take a break. Tell him that you would like to spend some time by yourself and think things over. You dont have to break up with him immidiately. If the time alone does you good, then you will know that you dont want to be with him. If you feel like he does not treat you right and you will not be hapy with him, it does not matter how long you have been with him, or who in your family knows about him. You need to think of yourself and be able to let go. Sure things will beed bad at first, but in the long run you will be happy."
Rythm,could not agree with you more.We often ignore this aspect of the relationship.
Racheeta, do think about what she said. It is really noteworthy.

Oh poor girl. I have been through a bit like this so I can understand what you're saying. Distance relationship or no-distance relationship, the main thing is trust. If there is mutual trust and understanding, nothing else matters. Relationships are fragile by nature and when small things like these start bothering you, you need to think and introspect. I mean c'mon! What did he say to you? He only said you're trying to copy someone else? So what's the big deal? May be he's trying to pull your legs (boys are like that) or may be you actually did try to copy and not be yourself? This is such a small thing, which should not even be considered a point of mis-understanding and you're come this far even thinking of a suicide?

I am sorry if I offend anyone in this forum but we girls are by nature a bit doubtful. We start doubting on anything and everything sometimes. We picture things about our boyfriends that he might be doing this and that, might be flirting with other girls, cheating and all and it happens more often when there is a distance. Ban ko bagh le chahi hoina man ko bagh le chahi khayo vanya jasto. You need to get out of this and talk all these matters with him. Open yourself up and tell him what you didn't like about him. I am sure he will open up as well. All the very best.

Hi I feel kind of sorry for you.
At first, I believe your education is more important for you. So, get some counselling or guidance from someone who has higher experience and education in your area of intrest. Just close your eyes and think, 3 years in united states and what you have achieved. Does that balance work in your future? Just get your brain occupied towards your future. Ani kura ayo boyfriend ko. Sometimes guys act weird. (As for me, I do love my girlfriend and it's kind of long-distance relationship, just a visit in a month. I do love her, tara sometimes you, it happens. I act weird towards her unknowingly. I don't mean to hurt but sometimes it happens. )This kind of stuffs happen are not abnormal because , the daily activities the partners go through don't relate one another, so the conversation doesn't go in an intresting way. Tesaile, I suggest ki try to involve him in your daily activities as much as can, and let him know, like if you are an artist, try to sketch him and let him know, scan it and mail him. This all hits his first/second degree of stimuli which is very powerful. Personal relationship ma dialectical conflicts harek manusya ma huncha, But to make the relationship healthy, u got manage it. Ani eti dherainai bhayeko ho bhane, give him a visit before he thinks to surprise him. All the best for your upcoming future. Futher queries just email me at zephyrsando@yahoo.com

Correction: This is such a small thing, which should not even be considered a point of mis-understanding and you have come this far even thinking of a suicide?

sucide, huh?

do u think that is the solution. well, let me tell u, it's not only ur life to end. thereis ur family besides u who r going to suffer.
there are millions of ppl in this world...living in a greater pain than urs....gal..urs nothing'''

i have never seen a looser like u. U r thikin' of doing sth silly, jus bcoz of ur boyfren.....ha..ha it's ridiculous,

take care....whoever u r i hate ppl like u.

Dear Racheeta,

I understand what your problem really is and I feel sorry for you but you know to be in love with somebody shouldn't hurt. In pleased and strong relationships partners try not to hurt each other — even when they get irritated. We all get angry every now and then and when we do we have a preference — we can articulate our thoughts in a healthy way or we can harm someone.

No one deserves to be hit for any cause. Hurting somebody — physically, emotionally, or sexually — is not okay, even if it is "just playing around." Someone who is aggressive toward another person needs to get help. Trust your instincts. If you feel you are being treated imperfectly, you most likely are.

It can be complicated for people to know if their relationship is superior for them. We all deserve to be happy. Most of us want to be happy in healthy and affectionate relationships. There are few basic qualities that make up a healthy relationship. They are love, trust, honesty,fairness and good communication.
Are these traits a part of your relationship? If not all of them are, or if you're not sure about some of them, you may want to regard as talking with your family, someone in a relationship you admire, a trusted friend, or a counselor.

You might also want to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE — they can give you a local number to a center near you.

racheeta at last u have reached this post?haha..

anyways i guess i too shud put down a few words..cos i wanna :oD hehe..and hopefully a short one(u must be quite drained out reading them all?)

i hope i wont be repeating too much of wat those above me have already mentioned(wat they said sounds quite helpful doesnt it?well it does to me hehe) so suru garum hai ta?;oP haha

after goin thru wat u wrote..sacchi timi lai ta ke ke ho ke ke bhairaheko raicha..tension ma jhan tension raicha..urghh :oS...about ur bf stuffs..well since he is ur bf u do look towards him(the 1st person u go to?) for comfort hoina?esp since u are currently experiencing quite a bleak period in ur life..thats wat relationships does/are for...hoina?to share joy and sorrows which makes both of them feel better?tara he too seems to be frustrated right now(im tryn to put myself in his shoes..and no his shoes doesnt smell!!yeah u can tell others ur bf feet aint smelly ;oP hehe) esp with his prolonged ongoin application so i guess he wont be the best person right now to expect lots of positivity?

and i guess the long distance is takin its toll too and making it harder to communicate with each other?nothin beats communicating face to face hoina?

in this situation it would have been best if u had some really good frens near/with u..tara the way u said it..seems like u dun have any close frens near there ..esp nepali frens..urghh..well its hard when we have no frens near us hoina?hopefully u do have some good frens(they dun have to be nepalese do they?or most prob ur homesick too and wanna see some familiar nepalese faces..hear some nepali voices speakin nepali?)cos a whiner like me should know how refreshin it feels after being able to complain about those things that were making me frustrated.

well now ur in here..in sajha.com(dunno if we shud consider the person who introduced to here a fren or a foe ;oP haha ) hope lettn it out a bit here def helped u..and hopefully after seeing that ppl are puttn some of their time to hear u and give u some (esp positive sounding)feedbacks will make u feel a bit better.

life ta complicated huncha hoina?tho we always try to make it simple and nice..simple ta kaha huney ho?and i guess there aint any absolute solutions to our life problems..tara for now like most mentioned here..u shud def try to find/feel some "positiveness"..dherai nasocha(haha most of my frens are always telln me this ..cant believe im telln it to someone else..ironic?;oP) i mean ur already thinkin of bihe etc and that he may not be the right guy for u etc..well i guess we do love to plan ahead..but i guess for me ma chai alik prefer to take one step at a time..u never know wat tomorrow will bring hoina?

and i do believe it be pretty unfair to him if he loses u cos of long distance(and no im not supporting him cos im sexist hai ;oP..yo long distance bhanney chiz le dherai tension dincha ho :oS )im sure that will be his huge loss if that happens..shit i better try harder in summarising!!!haha

yeah my suggestions would be..to try and be busy(tho im not sure how u can do that..diff ppl diff ways hoina?for me i end up goin around readin comics..or visitin my fav bookstore to ramdomly pick some books and browse them hehe..well aint really a reader ;oP)mingling and being around good frens would be nice..tara u seem to be the shy/quiet/introvert type?well if thats true..then since ur already here..u have ur anonymity(tho not 100% ;oP hehe) and well i guess there are quite some frenly sunny personalities here that u be able to interact with and smile a bit more than before :oD...well check this thread out..http://sajha.com/sajha/html/OpenThread.cfm?forum=2&ThreadID=45235

u find lots of frenly and ppl who has time to listen and type with u..im sure u will feel quite a home once u get there(plus most of them come at US time too so sounds like a perfect place for u?;oP hehe)

anyways ma chai dherai bhak bhak garya..dun mind me :oD ..ani thanks in a way too..cos after typin here..i got to relieve some stress of mine hehe..typin bhakwash does it for me :oD..i feel much better now..thanks re kya :oD hehe...

guess i better get out..but im sayn seriously i do empathize with u..well am tryn to..cos i feel i too have gone thru quite some similar experience as u..oh i still dun have a drivers licence(am contemplating of gettn one from nepal..u know pay the money and get it flown here ;oP hehe..yeah chor manche chor bahani :oS hehe..well a fren showed me this could be done few mths back..hmm do have another option and i better not go about talkn about it before i seem like im not a petty chor but a maha chor haha..but duh!even if i was to do such things i wont be driving unless i know i can really drive!i dun wanna cause no grievance to others due to my actions duh!;oP hehe )

oh i too changed my line sometime back and had to study smthing new again(3 yrs of studying and 4 yrs of experience totally gone!no use!hehe)..see very similiar?;oP hehe so i guess i can think a bit of wat kinda anxieties u must be goin thru to start again..but well once we make a decision we have to follow thru it hoina?tho yeah i still do think wat i would be doin now if i had stuck with my prev course hehe..and yeah do feel a tinge of regret now and then(esp since currently its not a bed of roses for me hehe)..but thats life?having some regrets?;oP ..yap miss that part of my life..but if things had been diff then..i wouldnt be the me right now?tho i wanna change lots of things about the current me..wat scares me is that i could have turned out worst!haha..so yeah better not ask for the stars?i mean even if i ask i shud expect not to get it ..ok i will still hope a tinee minee haha.. if not why even ask/aim hoina?

seriously this part(lets not even mention some other parts :o| hehe) about being human..wanting more(a bit more) than wat we currently have..tauko tension esp when there are others who are having it a lots worse?:oS

haha i better stop!!!anyways goodluck on ur stuffs..and hopefully the sun starts shinin on u sooner than later :oD...try to be positive hai(haha im telln myself this too..if not my frens will be laughn too much if they knew im actually sayn such things to someone else when they always "notice" that im the one whos too negative haha)...

and if u have time..do type a bit more...interact with those nautankis ..they sure will make u feel a bit better(thats wat i feel anyways hehe)..ppl who are snorin pls wake up!;oP hehe

and oh do give ur bf the benefit of the doubt and some time (esp when its long distance) tara who knows wat will happen tomorrow hoina?but tomorrow wat happens we will find out tomorrow?dherai peer gareyko kaam chaina?:oD tho of cos when peer comes..u just cant seem to get them out of ur mind :oS hehe..lookin at worst case scenario..if ur bf doesnt care about u/stops caring about u*touch wood* there are tonnes others who will and who does care about u?;o) hehe..i mean look at the above posts ..i feel some care in them hau(mine im just blabbering to release me own tensions wahahaha..well thats wat i ened up doin unintentionally i think ..hyaaa :oS hehe)..plus bf material haru pani katti cha hoina?there is always someone better hoina?but its us who has to make the choice if we wanna seek smthing better?or we are happy with wat we have?so ke ko tension hoina?;oP haha..

hmmm i always remember wat my teacher once told us..if we dunno we shud ask!if we dun ask how will the other person know that we dunno?hehe..u said u got no one to help u decide?well in the end we have to decide ourselves since it is for ourselves..but dun feel shy to ask around for opinions here or with ppl around u..and oh yeah its ok if u skip my opinions..it always end up a bit longer than wat it shud be..when will one of my dream come true that i can be succinct :oS hmm i think i shud open a thread askn for feedback on that..shudnt say it here..its ur thread hehe

anyways better go finish the movie that i was watchn before i ended up here hehe..good luck and good day!:oD


ps...rythm sis!!how u doin!!i know im an arsehole havent said hi etc for a while!tension ma ke :oS hehe..but well hope alls good there with u :oD..and ek din aucha hai esto lamo mail ;oP hehe..take care :oD
*gone*