I am curious to know how you feel at the time when you are having sex?I have promised to remain virgin before I will marry to my Mr.Right..is not it good? because of the some rumors that nepalese girls(not married women) living in the United States are kind'a sluts..I would like to prove that still there are some virgins outta here...soundz cool?

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Nice points vishontar. spiritual enlightening and pragmatic - they are!

I dont see a point in arguing about sex before/after marriage. I see a point in arguing about sex with the right person(committed relation)! as LOVE is , so is SEX. of course, DIVINE and with extreme PLEASURE!

Sex with the right person , once committed ! Thats the right thing to do , without any guilt! Relationships require commitment, beliefs, compassion and you wouldnt want your partner to have shared the compassion for anyone before, the guilt remains within you or the other if you commit a "sexual misconduct" as per vishontar's definition. And, its amazing to see very few a people lead life with extreme TRUST / COMPASSION for their partners.

In simple words i would suggest: there are better things to worry about! SEX is not an important "necessity" unless you find your partner.

vishontar what is dhamma?

IF U DONT HAVE A GF/BF THEN IT IS BETTER TO REMAIN VIRGIN THAN TO GO AROUND SPENDING MONEY TO LOSE IT..IF ONE HAS A PARTNER THEN HE/SHE BETTER ASK HIM/HER..RATHER ASK HER( HE WILL BE READY 99.99% OF THE TIME TO JUMP FOR IT,,DONT ABOUT SHE PART)

These days everybody's reason to have sex seem to be 'We are modern' syndrome or is it 'COOL' in US? but i would really respect a man who has a self discipline and has abstein himself from various physical relationship. For me that man is COOL and modern, one who knows what he is doing.

And i htink it shows in lots of other areas of life as well. A man with loose morals have other areas in their life that they need to work on.

Sometimes we seem to forget that we are Nepalis and our 'real' culture. Our real culture is still committment in relationships.

I feel shame about grammar/spellings/language when I read my own postings :). Why do I care, I have friends out there who loves me. They are mine and they know my weakness.

I am sorry I couldn't reply on time because of my hec-tic life. Please allow me to reply successively:

Gahugoro Ji and Amrapali Ji, please I am leaving this to you guys if you want to open a new thread. I have been writing in different threads and everybody know wherever I will write I will not write other than Dhamma. No matter what will I write the core theme will always be Dhamma.

Dharma is the most adorable thing in my life, and I will be more than happy to share with you guys. Your questions will be my honor. Please feel free to start a new thread with your question.

I am feeling unbounded happiness because I didn't know that I can find this many people whose hearts vibrate at the same frequency as that of mine.

My happiness is touching the peak because there are so many people around who have positive attitude.

I am sensing a real 21^st century! In real 21^st century people will live highly honorable life

However, this is a just a beginning; but invaluable beginning. You understood things intellectually this is a big thing but not biggest. The biggest thing will be when try to apply your knowledge in your life. Knowledge without application is dead. Your knowledge should be spoken by your action. I am worried whether your understanding will die out. Don't let it be so! My work has been done, I found you guys have positivity in your mind. Now your job is to multiply that positivity. It's only you who can do that. I can just encourage you, I can just trigger you and I will always be there to encourage you, to trigger you.

Amrapali, here is the mystery of my name :). I wrote this for one of my hearty friends, Birkhe Maila, who mistook my name as Vishnuavtar :).

एका देशमा एका कालमा, विश्वन्तर राजकुमार थिए।
अनेकों दानशाला खोली, मागेको भएको दिए।।
उनको चरित्रले मलाई, मुदित प्रमुदित बनायो।
सम्झी रहन उनलाई, उपनाम लिने शोच आयो।।

लोभ मैल हो त दान साबुन हो, राक्षस लोभलाई जित्नुछ।
दुई दिनको जीन्दगी माईला, सत्कर्म रोपी बित्नु छ।।
सत्पुरूषको बाटो छोडी, म किन लोभमा अल्झिए?
प्रेरणा लिनलाई माईला, विश्वन्तर उपनाम लिए।।

अबदेखी मलाई माईला, शुद्द सम्बोधन गर्नुस् है?
बिष्नु अबतार हैन नी, विश्वन्तर भन्ने गर्नुस् है?

:)

You must be an interesting person as you mentioned you grew up with Anthropologists. Hope you will not hide your knowledge!

Oldmaven Ji, thank you my friend, thank you for your wonderful words. Thank you for sharing your view from which I can definitely say we have something common.

AutiKT Ji, how have you been? Long time :).

Wonderful question! Buddha was asked this question by an old illiterate lady something like this:

"Lord, I am an illiterate lady, Dhamma must be a field of scholars. However, I have desire to know know it. Will you please tell me in a simple language so that I can comprehend it?"

Buddha replied:

" Old Lady, Dhamma is very simple, listen mindfully:

सब्ब पापस्स अकरनं, कुसलस्स उपसम्पदा।
सत् चित्त परियो दपनं, यतं बुद्धानुसासनी।।

(Abstain from doing unwholesome, Work hard to multiply wholesome.
Strive hard to keep your mind clean, this is the teaching of all Buddhas )"

Dhamma is the teaching of the Buddha and Buddha is the one who knows Dhamma.

In summary Dhamma is:

1. Don't do which is unwholesome!
2. Do what is wholesome!
3. Keep your mind clean!

Please feel free to ask if you want further explanation.

and what is wholesome?

shit, akko baad chaina ni k kura garya married or unmarried.

Question:

Would it really change the price of the fish if you were to, say, eat your desert before the main course?

Of course, it wouldn't - because it would still taste the same, won't it?

Happy desert eating! :-)

Now let me bail out of this place before I get howled down by the marauding fleet of the disgruntled Sajha 'Virginist' lot (or is that Virgin lot?) with nostrils flaring in anger! :0)

Here's to humour - oh, okay, to 'humor'! :-)

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Can´t wait until it gets hot.
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Cerine ji, good question!

Wholesome = good, harmless, productive, positive result result giving.

Wholesome is the action which is praised by wise people and followed by wise people.

Any action which will yield happiness (not pleasure, I made clear distinction between happiness and pleasure) as a result is wholesome.

Free expression of emotions will result unhappiness eventually, that's why they are unwholesome.

Controlled use of emotions will result happiness, that's why they are wholesome.

Now i am confused, at certain point we were sharing about refraining the desires. Now we are desiring to be wholesome.
And how one could be unhappy with free expression of emotions. i have always felt happy to share my emotions with my family and friends.
I think i am off the track. Please explain.

npl2us Ji,

Thank you for the question. In fact you have raised two different questions. Let me answer them differently.

First Desire:

We have nothing against the word Desire. Desire could be constructive as well as destructive. If you desire for wholesomeness you will get happiness, if you desire unwholesomeness you will get suffering.

Example: Uranium is used to build a nuclear bomb and the same uranium is used to generate electricity. Uranium can be used constructively as well as destructively. You can use gun to kill people and you can use the same gun to save people. Gun can be used constructively as well as destructively. Same is true for desire : you can use desire constructively as well as destructively.

To get wholesomeness desire alone is not enough. Here is what you have to do get wholesomeness:

अनुप्पनानं कुशलानं धम्मानं उप्पादाय छन्दं जनेती, बायमती, बिरियं आरभती, चित्तं पग्गणाती पदहती।

(One first desires, then use effort, then strive hard and controls the mind to get wholesomeness.)

Here is a successive steps to get wholesomeness:

छन्दं जनेती = One Desires

Desire is just a first step, its a very weak step. It does not have strength to bring wholesomeness in your life. However, it is a starting step so it is quite important.

बायमती = One use effort

After desire you use your effort to get wholesomeness. Using effort is second step. Desire is passive but effort is active. This step will lead you closer to the wholesomeness. With effort you achieve great deal of wholesomeness.

बिरियं आरभती = One strive hard

Third step is stronger then effort. It is striving hard for wholesomeness. It is more dynamic and most effective. This is the step which will help you to achieve the subtlest wholesomeness.

चित्तं पग्गणाती पदहती = one controls and leaves the mind depending on necessity.

In your life if you desire for something, use your effort to get it, and strive hard to to get it; you will get it. This is science. The same science is true for wholesomeness. Just you are switching the direction.

Wholesomeness = The quality of being beneficial and good

Controlling Emotions:

Human mind can generate positive as well as negative emotions. Anger, lust, ill-will, jealousy, greed etc are negative emotions, compassionate love, joyfulness, happiness, sympathy, generosity etc are positive emotions.

Positive emotions are good for you and others, so you can express them any time you find them. They are constructive and they are widely welcome by society because they lead to happiness. However, negative emotions are harmful to you and harmful to others. So, be careful while to express them.

Negative emotions are sign of weakness. That is the reason why shame is associated with them. Negative emotions are destructive and as much as the degree of destruction they can cause, that much shame is associated with them. For example: you might feel shame to express your lust openly to your family but you might not feel that shame to express your anger. Lust causes more destruction than anger that's why you do so. This is the reason why anger is digested in every society but not lust.

And it depends on situation as well. You can openly express your anger to your family but you can not do that to others. For examples: if you are working in your office and dealing with bothersome costumers. You have to control your emotions, don't you?

If you want to learn swimming, the only way is to practice it....This is science. Similarly, if you want to control over your emotions you have to practice to control them. ..... This is the same science you have used to learn swimming.

If you want to quiet smoking you should stop smoking whenever you feel for it......This is science. If you want to quiet anger or lust or any negative emotions, you have to stop practicing them....This is the same science that you have used to quiet smoking.

However, suppressing emotions is also equally dangerous. This is the reason why today psychologists/psychiatrists recommend to express emotions. Can this be a solution? I doubt! If I feel lustful for Aishorya Rai (which I don't :)) and express to her, Abhishek Bachhan will kill me :). If I get mad to my boss and hit him/her, I will lose my job. This is definitely not a solution....

If you want to learn how to control your emotions, you practice Dhamma. It will teach you step by step how to handle emotions; how to eradicate negative emotions; ow to feel heart with positive emotions and get happiness. However, don't forget, it is not easy. You have to go through all three stages that I mentioned earlier. You have to have desire for it. Then you have to use your best effort for it. Then you have to strive hard for it....

Happiness is very difficult to get; for that you have to strive hard and regulate your emotions, that's why many people in the world are not happy. But pleasure is easy to get; for that you just have to express your desire....this is why many people follow this path. But it is essence less!

Remember one simple fact, all negative emotions are lead to restlessness and all positive emotions are lead to happiness. For happiness you must control and remove your negative emotions. You can not be happy when you have negative emotions in your mind.

so what is considered being good?
good for urself ? good for others? go all out with it? :-S

tyo condition ma bhar parne kura ho ni ta

What is considered being good ?

If your physical and vocal actions are not harmful to you as well as to others, you will be called good.

What are physical and vocal actions?

Physical and vocal actions are offspring of mental action. They are mental actions which generate physical or vocal actions. Example: first anger arises in your mind (mental action).... which makes you to scold, to abuse (vocal action)..... and finally to beat (physical action). Physical and vocal actions are just follower of mental action. Physical and mental actions are servants of mental action.

To have your physical/vocal actions harmless, you have to have your mental actions (thoughts) harmless. If your mind is clean, your physical and vocal actions can not be harmful. But if your mind is dirty ie full of negativities like anger, hatred, ill will animosity, jealousy, greed, ego etc, it is impossible to speak sweet words and to act good.

So, mental actions (thoughts) are the root of all actions. Basically you will be considered good if your mind is full of positive emotions like compassionate love, good will, generosity, sympathy, joy, selflessness, helpfulness etc.

In fact if you analyze what we are,... is how we think. In other word: Mind is what we call "I"

In conclusion being good means to have clean mind. Dhamma is a dynamic technique which teaches how to clean the mind. Dhamma is all about cleaning the mind.

(I am sorry I really don't understand what do you mean by the last question? :) I mean go all out with it..?)

It does not really matter, its like finding or familiarize with a taset example ; sugar.


Does not matter whether you are married or not it tastes the same. But as you get older the you taste mechanism might not be that good.

Try it , feel it..decide it for yourself. Experience is better.

Sex and Marriage are two different things. One does not need to qualif other.

But don't end up with a geek if you remain to be virgin, its goin to be really boring if both does not know how to stir the sugar.

Just my Opinion.