I am having this urge to return back for good. But of course i wonder if i will regret my decision. Has anyone returned back from foreign country for good? I don't mean those who are citizens abroad and can return back but those who have left for good giving up their GC or citizenship abroad. Does anyone else have this urge?. I also think about the problems in Nepal which i suppose will only get worse. So anyone out there who made this decision to return?

btw , how many of us absolutely hate these questions?
where are you from? ( asked like if you're unsual, don't belong here) not because they are curious to know where actually you are from
your name is, WHAT?( like everyone who don't have names as john or joe is from planet mars and deserve to be humulated)
WWWAAATTTT? (they understood you but they like to play game)
do you guys celebrate christmas, thanksgiving? ( fked up question asked in innocent way to make u feel u don't belong here?)

I just read Vivant's story.
Since my decision so far has been to stay in US, I disagree with many of his observation, most notably that people who talk about everyday mundane things and game scores, do not have a bigger picture. I have had opportunity to talk to many "philosophers" in Nepal and I have had that opportunity to do the same here. I think it also depends upon who you are surrounded with. If you live next to the kids from Jershey shore, all you will be talking about is hari gel- but if you get to rub shoulders with some of the brighter minds here..and trust me there are plenty..you will have a meaningful conversation every single day.

Having said that, what touched me is the line, "in all this chaos there is a strange sense of order..." Very poignant. Couldn't agree more.

I am at a juncture where I feel like I don't belong here or there; hopefully my son doesn't.

Though i agree that i also feel i do not belong here, i do not hate the "where are you from?" questions. After all we are in their country, had they been in ours, we had done the same. I have learnt a lot from the West, especially to think and reflect. But to be honest, somewhat i still prefer the chaos our country presents to some extent. I hate modernisation to a certain extent. I miss the unmodern Nepal so much. I miss the real freedom where cows also walk on the road alongside humans. This might seem strange to some but i feel some level of humanity in that. Even after living in the West for so long, i still love the lifestyle that i left behind. Where even in the city you can hear roosters crowing!. Though the West has given and taught the world a lot, i think they have lost it by making life such a regimented and mundare routine!

Nothng but bunch of Gorkhey Insecurity....why are you scared of  " where are you from" question"? Do you know even white americans ask that to each other right? Its okay to be from anywhere in the world. Be confident and tell them where you are from. Here is a clue.....say you are from Kathmandu...Go Mahendra Police Club.....Khaires do it all the time.

If you are important enough at what you do or where you stand in the society there is no need to prove anything by being born in a superior country, wearing branded clothes or any other living high means. And yes you can say YES or NO to celebrating Ramadan, Dashain, Christmas, Thanksgiving or any other holiday. Just be confident at what you say. Don't be a rat or feel like one when Khaire asks you these questions.

"But if you are willing to share parallel ideas on how we equalize ourselves with foreginers in business from home or provide a gist of what you do might make a difference."

@sujhab: Alas, I wish I could throw a list of things that would help one go eye-ball to eye-ball with foreigners but I will say this : empowerment comes from being yourself, standing out, not trying too hard to fit in with people you dont really feel like fitting in with and speaking from the courage of your convictions.

"Most folks who return from US to Nepal are losers ! Let's get this straight i said most, not all !!"

@usreturnee: I am sure you may have your reasons to feel the  way you do but my experience has actually been the opposite. Many of the people I know who have returned have been leaders in their own right.  Just like it took a lot of courage for people to initially leave their families in Nepal and move to another country, it takes even more guts to leave behind the comforts and conveniences you have acquired, shake up your life and respond to your inner calling to go back.

@pshrestha78 :  I hear you. I have learnt the best way to deal with such annoyances is  to be as tongue-in-cheek as you wittily can.  But I admit your wit can often fail to muster in  situations like that - I guess the stress of working and living in a high-pressure society like America can dampen your wits pretty quickly ;)

I agree having rich parents helps, whether in Nepal or America, but filthy rich parents are by no means a pre-requisite to doing something in Nepal. A richness of spirit, more than a richness of wealth, goes a longer way in my opinion.

@freedom2012: Yes, there can be vibrancy in chaos -  it's quite exhilirating in its own way as I am sure you will find out when you return. Nepal is not for every Nepali in America though, it certainly is not for many people on this thread going by their comments, but if you have your heart set on going back and are open to some initial adjustment pains, I am sure you will do well. Plus, if you need a support group - there are plenty. There's one on Facebook called "Farkeka Nepali" at http://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/farkekanepali/?fref=ts that you might find to be of interest. There are also other offline groups and you could very well find yourself forming your own groups as your interests and priorities  evolve.

"I think it also depends upon who you are surrounded with."

@kiddo: Agreed. Although it is probably easier to ignore and be unaffected by  people you dont like when you are in an environment where you have a sense of belonging and can move around with your own swagger.

@sidster: Yes, most definitely, go Mahendra Police Club ! I have a feeling if people in Nepal were even a fraction as involved with their sports teams as people in America are, maybe they would stay off the streets and we wouldn't have as many protests and revolutions as we have had. Spectator sports has been a great way to tame the masses as Michael Moore once alluded to. The Romans had gladiators to keep people's minds away from politics, the Americans have the major league sports and Hollywood, the Europeans football, the Indians cricket and Bollywood - and lo and behold they have a far  more stable polity than ours :)  I am joking  of course - but only half so.

Vivant, nice story - we are glad that the move has worked in your favor thus far.

A few questions for you if you are comfortable in answering them (these might be helpful to others):

1) Were you ever a US PR or citizen – or had a working visa?
2) It looks like you were mainly motivated to move due to culture shock (and a desire for self-belonging, i.e. family) - true?
3) What are your views of a multicultural society?
4) What was your role within IT or Finance – back office work can be mundane at times.
5) A decision to settle down, in my opinion, is somewhat an end to the ultimate pursuit of happiness (as you have accepted the place for what it is) – and given the following tools as a literal way to gauze the success of that pursuit: the rights to life, liberty and property – to what extent do you think these are prevalent in Nepali society today (i.e. equally applied to all citizens) in relation to other free market economy countries?  

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There are a few generalizations which are worth noting (and that other readers might want to be wary of) in terms of the difficulties Vivant have had in adjusting to the work culture as well as noticeable uneasiness when he was out and about.

I think most of us probably have gotten the hang of it to have found the courage to fit in (both work and social wise) - and have done it rather well. But I think it is important to address these two issues if you happen to be one of those having difficulties and have decided to pursue your lifelong dreams outside of Nepal. I can only speak for countries like US, Canada, Australia (and London, UK and a few areas of EU) - as these places are overwhelmingly inbred as a civic society (i.e. melting pot) and not linked to or defined by any one particular ethnicity or race.

Work 

If you are lucky (yes, the economy is shaky these days) enough to be on the work force - there are plenty of ways to be content with the work culture and office politics. You mostly learn these during the first couple of months on the job. It is essential that you prepare yourself beforehand to understand the firm's culture whether it is corporate, small biz or non-profit - there are lots of variations among these work environments. Over the years I have found that celebrating multiculturalism has been a very positive aspect in how we view colleagues from other countries. There will be personal biases, of course - but in a professional work environment it is the work / project that you do which unifies different cultural backgrounds to come together – so cross-cultural clashes are considered quite trivial. The friends you make and the conversations you carry with your colleagues are essentially limited by your own ability and skill - there will always be someone you will not typically like or someone who you really admire - and most importantly, there is no such thing as being an American (or Canadian / Australian / English) while you work. If American means being patriotic then you are more likely to get criticism from colleagues - the higher the job in the white collar work scale the more so this is bound to be true. If American means talking about your favorite sports team then you can either join in or move on - no big deal. Surely, you are bound to find a colleague with similar interests in the long run. Naturally, if you behave professionally and do your job well - you will get a lot of admirers and possible promotions. Also, ensure to use a lot of assertions at your work place – they do wonders.

Being out and about

In the general scheme of things, this is very much tied to how you behave really. If you are open and easy going with an accepting attitude then there is no reason why anyone should give you a hard time. Unruly people exist everywhere - not just at Chipotle or Wal-Mart – but majority of people are forthcoming to let you fit in (if they see you are really trying). Do not let a few incidents discourage you from going out and discovering places you really like to visit. There is no need to mention this – but the countries I stated earlier are phenomenally (and unbelievably) littered with so many ways you can enjoy life (and with support groups if you need them) while you adjust to the new country.

Some thoughts

Being a first generation immigrant is, no doubt, difficult. But it does get easier as you learn and work the eco system (legally) around you. An important advice is to sort out your residency issues early on (if you haven't already done so) - and the rest will fall in place in time. 

I do think that Vivant's move is positive for Nepal too. As more experienced people like him move back the more influence (we hope) they will have on the Nepali economy, government and the secular prosperity in improving its current condition – thus, raising the standard of living for an average Nepali family. Let’s also hope that these returnees  treat all of the working class people, whether they are waiters or what not, with dignity – as the saying goes ‘treat them the way you want to be treated’ – and of course, with so many years spent overseas this should be even more poignant with compassion and generosity in their part.

Moving onto a bit of a macro view – I believe that our unwitting vision and foresight to see our politician’s general lack of temperament, perseverance, integrity, intelligence and meritocracy (and I really do mean all of them) has put Nepal where it is today – no doubt. And as we all know the wider the income gap the more trouble a country is likely to face in the future – not that I am aware if anyone has done any research – but I tend to think Nepal’s and US’s income gap between the poorest and the richest income outliers (in each country) are likely to be close enough – albeit the extent of the income size in the US, of course, is astonishingly lot higher. So, in the long run a big fish in a small pond is a big fish no longer.  Self-sustaining prosperity is difficult to support if your neighbour isn’t as well off as you are. In contrast however, self-turmoil hardly exists if there is a wide income gap between a rich and a poor country (as history shows).

Needless to say, I see no incremental benefit if overseas Nepalis were to move in herds back to Nepal - as there is - obviously - still a lot to be accomplished and learned from the knowledge base of countries outside of Nepal (and thus we see more out-migration every day - manual labor or low skill excluded). If you are keen to move however, another important aspect to consider is to ensure your industry of choice in the Nepali market place has not already become too saturated. A few have also opted to invest and become involved in Nepali affairs although they may call another country their official place of residence, i.e. NRN – this has been my (personal) preferred approach.

 -JB

 Wise words, JB 

wise words re?....bullshit really..

  Here is a simple algorithmn which can help people in dillema. 

lots of things have changed in coming years , when I used to read indian news ppaper i used to read ppl having 100k jobs left usa to be in india, ppl having bussiness left for india
now its really good to see nepalese ppl are doing thi for sake of them selves orindirectway for country.
this is really a good news to hear, atleast ppl want to live in nepal rather than sharing and living in materialistic world.

i like vasudev's "loser alert"...seriously what are you doing here if you are over 35, have no legal status and the respectable income. If you have a good inheritence go back home and be a loser at your own home than becoming a loser in foreign land. If you do not have a good inheritence then you do not have a choice but to remain the loser here.

The "american way of life" is not relevant here. Very few US citizens or even the residents will be asking whether to go back or not questions.

 Junkynfunky, he probably copied it. Why so serious? 

Riddle I am not being serious but just trying to put on my crtitical thinking hat.  I personally know a few friends that went back because of their obligation to serve their aging parents. The parents were reluctant to move to US after spending half their life back home. You see life is not black and white as we like to think. When we start to label people as loosers simply because they decided to go back, we risk labeling them without knowing their personal circumstances. All I am saying is lets see beyond label and take this discussion for what it is, a personal choice.

@Java Beans,

I had started answering your questions only to realize my post was turning into a lengthy autobiography that was getting too personal and voluminous for a public discussion forum. I'll try and share more details later, perhaps as a separate thread, time permitting. My apologies for the short answers but I had a green card, chose not to become a US citizen, worked as a consultant for a Fortune 500 company  that  often popped up on the list of 10 best places to work in the US (the sound of blowing my own trumpet hurts my ears but I only mention it to make a point). I would say I had a decent life in the US but after a certain point I did not find it fulfilling enough for the reasons outlined earlier. My family was a big reason to move back too.

I think multi-culturalism is a noble pursuit but it operates within the prevailing power dynamics that  tend to favor the dominant culture. There is plenty to do in America for those who's priorities align with what the country offers and I hope they find an abundance of happiness there. There are many things I like about America - the best thing I like is as Noam Chomsky put it - in America a janitor and a professor (or a President) can talk as equals. Of course, they might not have much in common to talk about about but that's another story. Interestingly enough,  now in Nepal a PM and a cobbler can eat as equals - Baburam ji has been helicoptering around the country inviting himself into the homes of the marginalized and breaking bread with them. It's more symbolism than substance in my opinion but at least we have something to compare against President Obama's famous fist-bump  with the White House janitor :)

I am not a evangelist preaching a return to the motherland. Far from it, I think people should do whatever makes them happy wherever they live. Nepal needs all kinds of minds and there are many ways to contribute to the country as you alluded to. And there are some who don't care about contributing, at least not right away, and  that's fine too, to each their own. When the time comes, we will all be confronted by questions of identity, belonging, family, happiness, life and death at least once in our lives and we must each  find our own answers.

Jai Nepal!
(And to all those staying back, I am tempted to say God Bless America  - although as an ardently secular atheist I want to petition the White House to remove God from the phrase. Bill O'Reilly, eat your heart out!)

@ junkyfunky Look at the algorithmn once again. You don't reach the loser alert node easily...If you have been in US for more than 5 years, you have finished school long ago and u r above 35, you are not making decent living(Not for ppl who r earning comfortably) and lingering here in US without purpose. And you intent to go back thinking about salvaging what is left...then only u reach Loser Alert note.

Mero bichar ma kagaj banaera or in other word Gc banaera jada Huncha just in case ull wanna return why because deep inside your heart u know u will regret anyways

@Sidster.....if you think these people are losers with "Gorkhey Insecurity", what are you doing in the US in the first place? Stupid schmuck !!

after 8 yrs in the US, i had the same urge some 9-10 yrs back..i returned and i'm glad i made the decision to return then

It is easier for guys in Nepal. But girls have many restrictions.  I know a Nepali couple who went back  because the hubbie likes Nepal  but the wife wants to return to the US because she has more freedom here.    
No offense to anyone hai.