I live in a country that is not mine with people...that the more years go by, the more I find that I have less in common with. I cannot go back to my country because it is a mess. America, the land of opportunity, sometimes feels like the prison I find myself in. I am used to the ease of the Western lifestyle. I am addicted to the luxury of a lifestyle here. And yet my heart yearns for the familiarity tasted in my childhood in Nepal. I long to be surrounded by the familiar tastes and smells of Kathmandu. But then I remind myself of the other, darker, not so romantic reality of Kathmandu, and I come to connect and talk with other Nepalis in sajha.com. I don't feel comfortable enough to express my personal feelings. So instead I type on my key board to express my frustration of what is going in Nepal. And all that comes out are words and emotions that are over-used and cliche on sajha.com. Like cigarette smokers finding commonality in the smoking hut, we come togethor to inhale other people's second-hand smoke as we exhale our frustrations about the situation in Nepal.

I was so happy to escape to America and leave behind the state of affairs that was Nepal. Today I have some stability in America. And my heart longs for the familiarity of Nepal. Whenever I go to a Nepali gathering, I am reminded of where my heart belongs. That is when I miss Nepal. Because of Nepal's condition and my American conditioning, the decision to go back to Nepal is becoming more and more difficult with every year that goes by. America, for this Nepali, feels less like heavan and more like prison. But if you threaten to kick me out of here, I will protest very loudly. What a dillema?

Vivant,

but dude blame ourself cause we chose to come here we were not brought here u know what i mean America has nothing to do with our situations, we made a mistake by making wrong decision

Coming abroad is like stepping in quick sand. The more you spend your time the more you end up being here and on top of that you have regrets of missing all the festivals, places and people. Its just a pain. We are simply just not courageous enough to go back and face the reality and believe in our self (my opinion). We feel we have the freedom here and we can enjoy the luxuries this developed country has provided us but what about the relationships, places and love for the country we always miss of and we always talk about? Is it really comparable between these? What it is that you want happiness or comfortability (which can be different among individuals)? These are the questions that always strike me. And I am planning to go back after completing my studies. Whatever happens I will see about it.
Talks can go on and on but its all up to you what you want.
And remember you cannot get - "चिची पनि पापा पनि " !!

In economic terms a normal person will make his decision in favor of the
opportunity costs associated. All in all, it is a profitable bargain to
live in the US that's why most of us stick around here.

All you guys have great opinions ideas and thankfully no one has come out condescending as seen in other threads. 

@vivant: you have very good ideas but heres the thing:  We do skype, phone, fb etc but its nothing like talking face to face.  Lets say in yrs ahead Nepal is only 6 hours away not many of us can afford to fly there just for wknds plus until then its still many yrs away.  A lot of us have embraced the culture and lifestyle of US but like said before no matter how well ones diverse there is always a piece missing.  There are not many who can feel like walking New Road is like walking in Times Square.  That sense of belonging is always missed.

 

I agree luxury is addictive but you can always get used to the lifestyle once you realize that you feel whole again.  I also agree to my fren who says you cant have best of both worlds but we are only expressing our ideas here.  May be one of the sajhaites will have a thought provoking idea…..

The question is how can one feel I belong here and stick to it?  How can one not miss everything he grew up is changed, life is awesome here but then you realize as age passes you wanna go back to your roots.  You wanna give back but to pack up and leave is not as easy as it seems and when we talk to people in Nepal they say don’t ever think of coming back because in 2 ~3 yrs you will be frustrated and return to the US again…

 

Homeyji:  your comments?

 

We are not all equal in this world. If my mother nation was rich enough to feed me, I would not be torn between my heart and my livelihood. I would not be trying to pacify myself living in the United States, trying to assure myself that it is the same as staying in Nepal. It is not the same. It will never be the same.

When I walk around in the streets in Kathmandu, I come alive. I can't explain it to you. I know that I come alive. When I walk around Hanuman Dhoka area, I am part of that environment. It is a part of me. Nepal is like my battery. When I am in that environment, I know exactly how to act. The surrounding tells me what to do. I simply obey. I cannot explain this. But some of you guys know what I'm talking about.

There is no place in the United States that I can go...and the physical location turns me alive like that. In Nepal I know immediately how to act and what is expected from me. I don't need to think. I don't need to ask myself: "What is the proper thing to do here." In Nepal, I know. I just let myself go and can be myself with people that I enjoy being with. People whom I understand and who understand me.

It is not only just the people. For me, Dillibazaar has a certain feel. When I am in Dillibazaar it is like meeting an old friend. When I am in Naxal at the Bhagvatisthan temple, it is like meeting a different friend. When I am in Lagankhel it is like meeting yet a different friend. My heart knows these friends intimately. I only need to take my heart there, and my heart smiles recognizing all these different friends.

Even though at this point I have been in America for a number of years, my heart does not feel the same level of intimacy with any one place in the US. Why is that?

If you came after High School your heart is always there. My cousin came to USA with 2 daughters and for last 3 years they always wanted to go back HOME. What ever the puzzle in our brain does get solved in USA, we live a compromised life every where. If you were back home you may be seeing things differently. Is our brain keep reminds us about the other side of the wall is green.

Life is run under compromised and it is like a tossed coin.  you can get ether head or tail not both same time.

I think the questions that we need to ask ourselves is: "How many generations of Nepalese will need to leave Nepal before the Nepalese that have left Nepal come to the realizations like we have above? How many generations of Nepalese will need to leave Nepal before the Nepalese who have left Nepal turn around and do something for Nepal so that Nepalese who don't want to leave Nepal don't feel forced to leave the country? How many more generations of Nepalese need to come out of Nepal and have the kind of realizations we are sharing above...10 to 12 years after they leave Nepal, when it is too late to go back? How many generations needs to pass before the Nepalese who have come out of Nepal turn around and do something for Nepal so that Nepalese don't need to leave Nepal to make their livelihood."

Perhaps some of the people speaking above are correct. Perhaps we are doomed. Perhaps some of us will never go back to live in Nepal.

But is it too late to ask this question: "What can we the Nepalese who had to abandon our nation do so that more Nepalese don't need to abandon their nation only to grieve for Nepal years down the road?"

Homeyji

Why? Could it be (and I am guessing) because you have not been to Nepal in a long time and your heart longs for a part of your past that you associate with happiness? Does  walking past Bhagwati Bahal bring back memories of those succulent lemon and orange flavored candies your favorite uncle bought you at the corner shop? Does Sano Gaucharan remind you of that fall from your tricycle? When your parents and grandparents heard your cries, dropped everything they were doing, rushed to your aid, consoled you, told you everything would be okay and treated you to a popsicle  at the nearby cold store? Could you possibly be transferring happy emotions from the past to fill an emotional void in the present?  Do you still fall from your tricycle at times and look for  someone to empathize with you?  

Is that why we feel so content in those settings in Nepal because they bring back a warmth and happiness that eludes us in the present? 

I don't want to play internet shrink or pretend to be Sajha.com's Ajmeri Baba (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9F0zE8DhvJA) so I'll drop the Freudian line there. However, if I asked myself the same questions my answer would be yes to all of the above (at some level). My inner child sometimes yearns for the innocence and  happiness of the past. I think that is healthy as long as we don't get stuck, or as you alluded to, get imprisoned in our past. Perhaps a visit to Nepal might give you another chance to make a choice about where to live.  I often use my Nepal trips to decide on the next chapter of my life.  I look at my friends who have gone back to Nepal after living in the US for a couple of years and opinion is divided on life in Nepal. Some have come back to the US. Others have stayed on. Both have their own sets of woes. Good luck with finding your answers. On a matter like this, only you can answer your questions to your satisfaction.

Pire and Mucho Fiesta,

Mine is just one way of looking at things and I am sure, like you guys said, there are so many other things to bear in mind.

A couple of other thoughts on some of the points raised on this thread:

As far as specific solutions go, most people will probably agree that there isn't a magic pill to ease the pain in Nepal. There is no one great unyielding truth on how to develop a country and reverse brain drain. It will probably have to be a combination of the things suggested on this thread plus whatever comes out of the creative genius of our people  in and out of Nepal. My personal take is political stability and good law and order will slow down the mass exodus of talent from the country and lay the groundwork for a public-private partnership to improve things in Nepal.

I also feel going back to Nepal is not the solution for everyone. It may be for me but  as I stated earlier, it depends on your personal circumstances and preferences. For all we know, Nepal may not be able to handle the mass return of so many people at one time. What is that nuclear physicist working at Los Alomos going to do in Nepal? Become  miserable writing reports about hydro power at NAST? What about the businessman in Los Angeles running a profitable handicraft store who sends thousands of dollars each year to his aging parents in Bhaktapur? Nepal needs investors as much as it needs professionals and technicians. If you can't go to Nepal and work there, you can still help the country by earning enough and going back to invest. All  who want to help should be welcomed with open arms regardless of whether they go back to work or to invest.  We have much to learn from the experience of the Chinese and Indian diaspora where expatriates have helped the motherland both by returning and investing from abroad. 

Here's an encouraging example:

http://www.nepalitimes.com/issue/2010/08/20/Nation/17369

Vivant,

I don't think that all why's can be analyzed and put into neat piles. Why do I enjoy hearing the strumming of a sitar? Why do I enjoy Narayan Gopal's and Nabin Bhattrai's songs? Why do I enjoy walking through Bouddha in the evenings? Why do I like to talk about my school days with my friends from school? Why do I enjoy my best friend's company?

Just knowing the 'why' analytically and then finding a 'rational' solution is not always the answer. We cannot always just surgically remove all emotions from ourselves and find an attainable solution.

I know for me, I don't want to find a replacement for my Nepali emotions. I don't want to transfer my Nepali emotions and find a replacement for it. I mean, just because we can't associate with our Nepali parents or relatives doesn't mean that we go to an adoption agency in the United States and find a replacement right? At a certain point of 'replacing' our emotions with what is easy and attainable we lose who we are. That is what brainwashing is.

 

Very interesting. Homeyji, you are absolutely correct. It is that comfort zone that we miss the most here. You do not have to take calculated steps everytime you move in Nepal. Here you always need to think if you should eat that pizza with your hands or just cut it up into small pieces and eat it with a fork when you are having lunch with your co-workers. But back home you always know that it is fine to pick up that last piece of momo with ur hands, dip it in the sauce and finish it off by licking the sauce off your finger and it is perfectly fine. I guess with time we can expand our comfort zone here and know instinctively what to do in most situations but it could take a really long time to adapt and before you know it you won't have teeths to bite that pizza so it won't matter anyways.

 

 

Babal Khate,

Agreed. Hence each one of us has to find our own answers according to our needs and circumstances. My perspective applies to me alone. If others find something in common with it, then that's a bonus :) The 'you' in my response was merely to keep with the rhetorical flow of the writing but speaks mostly to my own personal experience. My bad if it sounded a bit too pointed for your liking. The best to you in finding your answers.

Allowing my-self to drop in my 2 cents I contemplate as we/ you change and or grow while living abroad on the other hand so does our country and society. The question is can we/you cope with each other’s change? If the answer is yes than we/you can settle in our country for real.

MOER LIKE BEING A PRISONER IN A GOLDEN CASTLE !!!!!

Things are actually changing back home too and somehow changing for good.

Let me be honest
Not everybody fall under this category, at least not me. I've decided NOT to return back and will die here. Yes, those sweet memories of Nepal still come up once in a while, along with all the negative aspects of our society. Let us be honest, we have lots of social issues, leave aside politics. Unless you come from the dominant cast/class from a rich family to roam around freely with your head high, it is not sweet all the time for some groups. Not everybody was hanging around New Road, Hanuman Dhoka and Thamel having fun, some were begging. Put yourself in their shoes, what do you think their memories are? Some of us have faced cruel upbringing.
In the state, I'm free and can live away from all the BS. Yes, America has its own issue, but I'm not bound by that social pressure, I can choose to stay away from people I hate.
I do admire those who return and RESPECT....wish everybody had your courage.

I totally agree with Vhootee. Let's analyze these two situations.

Your social background at a young age determines what you want to do in your future. Like said above, if you are from a prosperous family, you do have a lot of emotions attached and you miss people back home. While you were in Nepal, you were never misbehaved or ill-treated, never had to earn your living, never thought of how father earns for everyone in the family.S o except than the political turmoil; really there is nothing in Nepal that you would be uncomfortable with. Like you get mixed up with the American Culture, it might take some guts to return and get adjusted but considering family support and love, it wont be as hard as you think right now.

Now, what's with a person who came from a poorer family? I am taking myself as an example. Obviously, its not the same. Poorer family means you pretty much do not have any positive experience. You had no respect and no social support. Things even get worse if your from a broken family, you even loose the family support. So, these kind a people who somehow get here and try to do well and in turn gets the respect they always starved for; never miss so called "Home". This is a new home for them which at least gives them opportunity to grow and gain the pride which they use to dream about. Of course, there are memories associated with friends and some closed ones, but as time passes that weakens too. 

I am sure there are people here who wish that they could work from 8 AM-5 PM here in US and spend the remaining time back in Nepal with friends and families and get back to work on time the next morning.

vhootee,