What do you say to the man who grandly offers to pay rent for having occupied your heart and space in your home? Smile, and walk away; your heart was never to-let!

That was the irony of love!

But what of marriage?

A friend called me because her marriage, unbeknownst to her had fallen apart. Unbeknownst, because she did not know, until she was served divorce papers by the man she cooked for, looked after, slept with and loved... or perhaps, I got the sequence wrong, can't say. The papers came all neatly packaged in a brown envelope and addressed to her. She had married a widower of three children and whose youngest was one year old. Now after 10 years of marriage and another child together, her beloved husband decided the children no longer needed a mother.
What do you say to a man who decides his wife of 10 yrs was only a glorified baby sitter?

I said, drag him through court... for having used all of her services and then more! Atleast, the little one would received what is rightfully hers.

Do pay offs make it better or demean what was to someone, a sacred thread? Do pay offs make it easier to salve one's conscience or instrumental in sustaining the definition of justice?

I suppose the equation of love and marriage changes as the term "mutually beneficial" reaches the tipping point to favor only one party at which point the" favored" realizes he/she nolonger needs the other, hence the payoff.

As Tina Turner sang soulfully, "What's love got to do with it?!"

Just another morbid topic for a dreary spring day!

Testdirector jiu, I was merely stating my opinion. Did not know that it would crack you up. As long as it amuses you my freind.

Indisguise:)

Isn't it ironic when a woman defends herself against attrocities, it becomes a feminist issue? Thugged out, I got it the first time; I hope your sister is doing well. And, those other males who blame their hydrocele on feminism, get used to it or look for other pathological reasons for a cure!

Meera thanks for reiterating what I too thought was obvious.

Ashley, thank you for the lovely poem from Dickenson. Yes, she did give all to her marriage, and now she needs to find herself.


Shaq dada, :) I know now who to call if/when I need help!

Sad to hear about a family falling apart.

Few questions rose in my mind: why did she marry an already-married-man-with-kids in the first place? Was it an arranged marriage or arranged+pressurised marriage? I saw somewhere that other woman was involved. Was there any other man involved? If the ex-husband's good friend were to relate the same story to us, would it be much different than the one we heard?

In any case, in teh event of a divorce, the wife should be entitled to 50% of teh property of teh husband [provided that there was no prenuptial agreement to teh contrary]. The husband should also be entitled to 50% of the wife's property. Joint custody of the children.

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Do pay offs make it better or demean what was to someone, a sacred thread? Do pay offs make it easier to salve one's conscience or instrumental in sustaining the definition of justice?
--------------------unquote

Pay offs and divorce should not be quid pro quos but merely somthing to make the lives a little easier for the aggrieved parties ( I assume, the women are teh aggreived parties in Nepal most of teh time).As far as marriage being a sacred thread is concerned, it is , but both should be in agreemetn: it should be two-way. I hope i did not sound much pholosophical there.

Let's go back when the current wife married the man with 3 children. A woman marries a widower with 3 children. Pure love? Or some mututal benefit? Not all marriages are based on mutual benefit, but I would like to say most marriages are based on mutual support (quoting a previous poster). This one seems like the man gets someone to take care of the kids, and the house, while the woman gets her legal status while she stays with him. If she was a smart woman, she would have tried to do something for her, like getting a permanent status and a job she can depend on if the husband left, or died. Yes it is really sad that the man cheated on her, and is willing to leave her. But how can we punish the man without hurting the woman. It is impossible. Living together for 10 years, she should have experienced something about the man and broought it up whenever something did not seem right. Sounds like she just tolerated a lot of things from him, knowing that he was screwing around, and at the end she has no choice but to sign the divorce papers.

Like Every male tends to be a macho pig ... every female is a feminist... Rule of thumb babes... you dont see us complaining and calling you a masochist macho pig just because you decide to defend the damn husband...

About time some balls were busted!

Let me assume the woman, as it stands, is totally innocent and devoted to the husband. The only motive of the woman is sharing of love for return of the household. Then it should not take a mathematician to see how best to form an equation. The husband has mercilessly left the wife, after having gotten her to take care of the 3 step kids and one biological kid. That much assuming she is innocent.
The woman has to take him to court no matter whether it is her fault or not. Get the 50% of the asset plus alimony for the 4th kid, (and yes let the new lover take care of the 3 kids if necessary). In the mean time the woman must, I say, MUST move on, if she has not already. I think this is no brainer. The challenge might be to find out how much asset he has, hidden and unhidden. If the man is from Nepal (from another country, more difficult here), make sure his properties in Nepal is accounted for, not in Nepal, but in the US court.
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Women from Nepal getting through such problems is not new to the USA. Women and girls know about it better. They have got the freedom, used it and benefited from the freedom. Good for them. Alas, sometimes those benefits defy known/unknown consequences. I again think it is no brainer, but I still say they have got to learn that too. My $0.02
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Indiguise,
Do not take anything seriously in this thread, at least whatever I said here. Today I'm not in good mood.

Lol! Ya ta ta mukka hana han po pare rahechha. Just kidding.

Fellows, divorce in US is very common. Just look around. Its not that common in Nepal. Be it man or woman, if a partner is not satisfied with anything boom a divorce. Riht! So whats there about crying so loud.

I use to think sitara was amazing smart lady but with the whole thing when she adviced her fren to pull her husband on court. Dyaam....................you dont know anything about commitment and relationship. Shame on my jugement..................
Well my dad was dick...head, ass...hole and mo......fu..............cker.......but look at him how he is getting back to my mother..........look at my mum sacrifice what she did just looking at my face and my brother. If she could have thought like you, i could have been some where rotten, well i dont know how to talk,sleep, dream and eat english like you. I certainly know for sure that i know what i am talking.

Why the heck on earth, u dont bring them on table.............who the heck on earth are you to decide between husband and wife? What do u know in detail going between them? May be she was a good mother of kids but what about wife? Has she been good wife? Living in US , has her husband good physical relationship from her. YOu may bee good to satisfy your husband but her..........she may be hesitating...then it is quite obivious to do so?

Dyamm girl bring them in table and make them talk.............think about kid...
when the realtion dont work lady there is something wrong with guy and gal as well.........make them work

i know what u gonna reply me saying..............what a lammer and using all those big time english word.......i said what i have to say

u r not a fren u r Kashai" dont put your fren head in aachano until it is vital to be cooked"

I got VISA problem, i come for three day training. Now already one month.

I like America. I like stay in America. I hear Neprican very good. I marry Neprican get Greencard. Any Neprican you know, i Divorce after Greencard.

I got nothing. only one long stick,long tonge two big baal.

Chakman ,

Go hunt MILF

Aach testdirector,
Kya ho, budi sanga ko jhagada yaha sajha ma pokhidine? Haha.

Lu lu.. and am not taking anything serious here. If anything, 'few' ppl have been hilarious in here. Later.

IndisGuise:)

Moneyminded,
You might not know, but statistics show that majority of kids turn out better coming from a broken home than growing up in a broken home. So I am not sure how much more rotten you would have turned out had your parents lived seperately.

Hurray:
Just one comment. I do not believe it is possible to be more rotten that Moneyminded bro already is.

No IndisGuise,
It's my younger kid getting sick. I hate to have to give my little ones antibiotic.

Every time somebody points out the obvious, feminazis start screaming civil liberties and other such horsecrap. My now divorced colleague(and a staunch liberal, fyi) tells me he would have preferred living in victorian times. No wonder. American men are marrying foreign-born ladies in droves for a reason.
Sitara's post of course was based on the premise that her good friend is right, and the husband is wrong. I see a lot of clairvoyants on Sajha these days. How do you all know what he is going through? Miss Cleo told you? You got your own stack of tarot cards? Give me a break.
Let's stop with the gossip mongering. Who knows, the husband might be reading this thread. He got his own issues and we can't know with 100% certainty what they were. What are you supposed to do if the wife sucks in bed? Men **have** the right to divorce too. Cut him some slack. It's just a he said she-said sort of feud. Nobody's right. Let them feud.

Am sorry to hear that. Hope your younger one would be fine soon.

I could not help but wonder, ' yeuta timi chau antibiotic khuwauda dukha manne, arko 'tyo' mathi post gareko story ko bau cha sano chori ko ama lai deport garne dhamki dine." "Achamma ka hunchan manche haru. "

But then again we have not heard the story from both side ni. Ki kaso ? ;)

Once again, hope your son gets well soon.

IndisGuise:)

InDisGuise,
You wrote
' yeuta timi chau antibiotic khuwauda dukha manne, arko 'tyo' mathi post gareko story ko bau cha sano chori ko ama lai deport garne dhamki dine."
Where do you see dhamki from me?
I think you are mistaking me for someone else regarding that dhamki, or I could not understand you. I don't want her, whoever she is, to be deported. Why would I want to deport her?
Can you retype your statement in Devnagari, or rephrase it in English if you want me to understand?

At least it is my direct responsibility to take care of my kids versus "she said he said" her. A 7-month old should rarely be given antibiotic, if only needed. Now if I take my kid to the doctor here, they will right away give amoxycillin, so little worried.

That is a sad story, Sitara...My heart goes out to your friend.

Below are some feminist quotes:

I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat. ~Rebecca West, 1913

Feminism is the radical notion that women are people. ~Cheris Kramarae and Paula Treichler

& my favorite is:
Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. ~Timothy Leary

Just like Leary said, we are not equal to men, we r far superior to them.

The Crowning


Met in singleness,
Walked with wooden shoes on
Infant air screaming loud,
By god I?m in love
My heart has been crowned.

The affinity of hearts well tied
The precarious feelings set aside
Will it work as a knot?
Does this doltish stranger work?
Oh I think I?m in love

Wake up with four arms on you,
Don?t think thy separate than mine.
Cup of coffee and a warm kiss
A methodical social life commences
I think I?m in love.

Five years of walk on the same road
Ten thousand meals together
Moments of joy and yet the anguish ?
Don?t want to hear about your swelled every day
Didn?t come this far for this
Am I in love?

Now the crowning begins
From her to me as a ?deranged person?
From me to her as a ?psychopath?
Rhubarbs and turmoil
Sleeping on the ends of the bed a vision passes
I don?t think I?m in love

Scribbly scribbly letters on a shiny paper
Flaccid tears storm out
Why can?t I convince myself I still love you?
Made in heaven, broken by law,
An irony to itself, marriage
I?m never getting married again???

Why am I not afraid?
Or is it that I was too afraid to hide?
Well what is so sexy about a girl with attitude and a pair of tight leather boots?