PREVIOUS THREAD AVAILABLE HERE

Coz of the 200 posts per thread limit, i have to continue this thread here. 

On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons.Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family’s only cow was lying dead in the field. The situation looked hopeless to her — how could she possibly continue to feed her family now?

In a depressed state of mind, she hung herself. When the husband awoke to find his wife dead, as well as the cow, he too began to see the hopelessness of the situation, and he shot himself in the head.

Now the oldest son woke up to discover his parents dead (and the cow!), and he decided to go down to the river and drown himself.When he got to the river, he discovered a mermaid sitting on the bank. She said, “I’ve seen all and know the reason for your despair. But if you will have sex with me five times in a row, I will restore your parents and the cow to you.”

The son agreed to try, but after four times, he was simply unable to satisfy her again. So the mermaid drowned him in the river.Next the second oldest son woke up. After discovering what had happened, he too decided to throw himself into the river.The mermaid said to him, “If you will have sex with me ten times in a row, I will make everything right.” And while the son tried his best (seven times!), it was not enough to satisfy the mermaid, so she drowned him in the river.

The youngest son woke up and saw his parents dead, the dead cow in the field, and his brothers gone. He decided that life was a hopeless prospect, and he went down to the river to throw himself in. And there he also met the mermaid. “I have seen all that has happened, and I can make everything right if you will only have sex with me fifteen times in a row.”

The young son replied, “Is that all? Why not twenty times in a row?”

The mermaid was somewhat taken aback by this request. Then he said, “Hell, why not twenty-five times in a row?” And even as she was reluctantly agreeing to his request, he said, “Why not THIRTY times in a row?”

Finally, she said, “Enough!! Okay, if you will have sex with me thirty times in a row, then I will bring everybody back to perfect health.”

Then the young son asked, “Wait! How do I know that thirty times in a row won’t kill you like it did the cow?”

 

Jon was excited about his new rifle and wanted to try it out, so he went bear hunting. He spotted a small black bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder and he turned round to see a larger black bear.
The black bear said “You’ve got two choices, I either maul you to death or we have sex.” Jon decided to bend over.

Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Jon soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip, found the black bear, and shot it. Immediately, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a big brown bear stood right next to him.

The brown bear said, “That was a huge mistake, Jon. You’ve got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we’ll have rough sex.” Again, Jon thought it was better to comply.

Although he survived, it was several months before Jon finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the brown bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned round to find a gigantic grizzly bear standing there.

The grizzly bear said “Admit it, Jon, you don’t come here for the hunting, do you?”

DHwasE, 

Funny Lil Johny

An elementary school math teacher asked her class one day, "If there are three birds on a wire, and a farmer shot one, how many are left?"

One little boy said two, but little Sally, realizing it was a trick question, said, "None, 'cause everyone knows that if you shoot at birds they all fly away." The teacher congratulates her on her correct answer.  Little Johnny, however, disagreed. He said, "No, there would be one -- the one that the farmer shot."
The teacher replied, "No, Johnny, you're wrong, but I like the way you think."

"OK, teacher, I have a riddle for you," boasted Johnny. "Let's say three women are at a bar and they each order a single scoop ice cream cone. The first one eats it by gently licking it around the edges, the second slowly sucks the ice cream off the cone from the top, and the third gobbles the top and then sucks the rest out of the cone. Which one is married?"

After a few seconds of contemplation, the teacher replied, "Well, I think it must be the third, the one that gobbles the top and sucks out the inside."

Johnny responded, "No, teacher, you're wrong -- it's the one with the wedding ring. But I like the way you think."

One more from SMS:

A little boy and his dad were walking down the street whan they saw two dogs having sex. The little boy asks his father “Daddy, what are they doing?” The father says, “Making a puppy.” So they walk on and go home.

A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. The little boy says, “Daddy, what are you doing?” The father replies, “Making a baby.” The little boy says, “Well, flip her around! I’d rather have a puppy instead!”

LOL good one

one from me.

A woman is really mad after giving birth to Quadruplets,(two sets of twins). She demands the presence of her husband immediately. Once the HAPPY dad comes in the room, the ANGRY wife yells at him loud. "I TOLD YOU THAT DOGGY STYLE WAS A BAD IDEA." 

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.

“Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife’s golf ball… stuck right in the middle of the cow’s butt. “That’s when I made my mistake.”

“What did you do?” asks the doctor.

“Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, Hey, this looks like yours!”

A mouse and a lion  were in a bar, drinking a few beers when a giraffe walked in. “Get a load of her” said the mouse, “what a babe!” “Well, why not try your luck?” replied the lion. So the mouse went over to the giraffe and started talking to her. Within five minutes they’re out the door and into the night. The next day, the lion was drinking in the bar, when the mouse staggered in. The mouse is completely worn out, and can hardly hold himself up.

The lion helped his pal up on to a stool, poured a drink down his throat and said, “What the hell happened to you? I saw you leave with the giraffe, what happened after that? Was she all right?”

The mouse replied, “Yeah, she was really something, we went out to dinner, had a couple of glasses of wine, and she invited me back to her place to spend the night. And oh, man! I’ve never had a night like it!”

“But how come you look like you’re so exhausted?” asked the lion.

“Well” said the mouse, “between the kissing and the screwing, I must have run a thousand miles!”

Hahahaha, giraffe and mouse; that was hilarious, thanks dhwase

Hey dhwase bro, thank you for this thread. Reading one joke a day has become a daily routine for me. It helps me "cheer up".

Thank you again. I wish I could contribute some jokes from my side too.
Keep it up. Dont let the thread die.

By the way, where u guys get such jokes from?

Oe dorjedai, let dhwase keep posting and not reveal the source, I enjoy reading those jokes from dhwase rather than some sites, because he filters them all and brings the best... Keept it up ok

A new bride went to her doctor for a check up. Lacking knowledge of the male anatomy, she asked the doctor "What's that thing hanging between my husbands legs?"

The doctor replies "We call that the penis." The new bride then asks "What's that reddish/purple thing on the end of the penis?"

The doctor replies "We call that the head of the penis. The bride then asks "What are those 2 round things about 15 inches from the head of the penis?"

The doctor replies "Lady, on him I don't know, but on me they're the cheeks of my ass!"

COPY and PASTE from www.bhejafry.net

thanks to furke bro and darjdai , ya i agree with furke bro, lets enjoy the jokes for now, no matter where they come from  

One evening, as Uncle John and his wife are entertaining guests with cocktails, they are interrupted by an out-of breath little Johnny who shouts out, “Uncle John! Come quick! The bull is f**king the cow!”

Uncle John, highly embarrassed, takes young little Johnny aside and explains that a certain decorum is required. “You should have said, ‘The bull is surprising the cow’- not some filth you picked up in the City,” he says.

A few days later, little Johnny comes again as his uncle and aunt are entertaining. “Uncle John! The bull is surprising the cows!”

The adults share a knowing grin. Uncle John says, “Thank you little Johnny, but surely you meant to say the cow, not COWS. A bull cannot ’surprise’ more than one cow at a time you know.”

“Yes he can!” replies his obstinate nephew, “He’s f**king the horse!”

Thanks dhwase bro I was waiting for today's joke actually. Nice one.

No big deal regarding the source thing. Was just curious anyway.

I liked this one. Pardon me if this was posted earlier. 

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

“Mother, where do babies come from?”

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.”

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend.

“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”

“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

thanks darjdai, this one is always refreshing , even if its been posted before

 

While waiting for a bus, the blind man’s dog decided to go to the bathroom all over the blind man’s legs.

A passerby commented to the blind man, “What! That dog just went to the bathroom all over your legs, and you are petting him?! Are you crazy?”

To which the blind man replied, “Madam, I am not petting him, I am feeling for his bottom, so I can kick him in the nuts.”

Jane was a first time contestant on the $100,000 quiz show.  She even managed to win the game but, unfortunately, time had run out before the show’s host could ask her the big question.Jane agreed to return the following day and was nervous as her husband drove her home. Jane said to her husband. “I’ve just gotta win tomorrow. I wish I knew what the answers are! You know I’m not going to sleep at all tonight. I will probably look like garbage tomorrow."
“Relax honey,” her husband, Roger, reassured her, “It will all be OK.”

Ten minutes after they arrived home, Roger went out of the home and Roger returned after 5 hrs, sporting a very wide and wickedgrin. “Honey, I managed to get tomorrow’s question and answer!”

“OK. The question is ‘What are the three main parts of the male anatomy?’ And the answer is ‘The head, the heart, and the penis.’ ”

The couple went to sleep with Jane, now feeling at ease, plummeting into a deep slumber.At 3:30 a.m., however, Jane was shaken awake by Roger, who was asking her the quiz show question. “The head, the heart, and the penis,” Jane replied groggily before returning to sleep. And Roger asked her again in the morning, this time as Jane was brushing her teeth. Once again, Jane replied correctly.

So it was that Jane was once again on the set of the quiz show. Even though she knew the question and answer, she could feel butterflies. The cameras began running and the host, after reminding the audience of the previous days’ events, faced Jane and asked the big question.

“Jane, for $100,000, what are the main parts of the male anatomy? You have 10 seconds.”

“Hmm, uhm, the head?” she said nervously. “Very good. ” Six seconds.” “Eh, uh, the heart?” “Very good! Four seconds.” “I, uhh, ooooooohh, darn! My husband drilled it into me last night and I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning…”

“That’s close enough!” said the game show host, “CONGRATULATIONS!!”

“You know,” a guy told his buddies, “I’m a lucky man.I never realized how much my wife loved me until the other day when I had to stay home sick from work.”

“What did she do?” someone asked.

“She was so happy to have me home,” he said, “that every time someone came to the door, like the mailman or milkman, she’d shout, ‘My husbands home! My husband’s home!’”

A guy dies while making love to his wife.
A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, "Your husband still
has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?" The wife replies, "Cut it off
and shove it up his a*s-s!" The undertaker does as he is told. On the day
of the funeral the wife visits her husband for the last time and sees a
tear rolling down his face, so she whispers in his ear, "It [Disallowed String for - bad word]ing
hurts doesn't it!"