Time keeps repeating in loop. Incidents re-occur as flashes. I had just glanced at the time on the gifted watch standing near beautiful yellow mustard plants of Chitwan. The image is quickly replaced by a gloomy site of dense green forest. I was hiding behind a tree.

It's my fault. There is no argument on that. Do I blame the time when I first started drinking, or do I simply put all faults at my decisions of that morning ? Or should I evaluate all lapses in between. I do not know if time played me, or I played very badly with the time.

I wish people understood how guilty I feel, but I can never stop them from making comments and judgments on me. I think my intentions have been good for most part throughout my life. All the hard work and a desire to serve others has been wiped away. For many, my life has simply been summarized to the tragic darkest hour just before the dawn. My errors were so fatal that I have no mornings to show them.

Only way to show that I care and I do realize my errors is to willfully be part of the eternity. I want to spare everybody involved from this agony.

I wonder if the time displayed on my very first wrist watch knew about the time I am facing now. I wonder if this journey was somehow always linked. Both times show me a kind of relief, alas, however, under very different circumstances.

(This is an imaginary article based on true events. This is a story on 'time' and 'fate', which is also written for memorial for departed souls. I do not know any person involved in the incident.)