Welcome to the dawn of your pseudo-adulthood, my 21-year-old teenager! You were more adult at 15 when you first sat behind the steering wheel of my Civic, and more adult when you cast your first vote in the Presidential election, than at 21 when you are legally allowed to drink, buy alcoholic beverages, coolly stagger along with a drunken group of other 21-year-olds, respectably pass out in a drunken stupor, and honorably nurse a hangover on a head that was not wisely used, the night before! At 21, you are still a glorified teenager and a half-baked adult.

The notion of adulthood is a matter of perspective. Notice, I said, “notion?” However, the reality of adulthood effectively pulverizes any existing “notions” or “perspectives” that may be flirting the peripheries of the gray zone. You cannot claim to be “mama, I’m almost adult!” as you cannot claim to be “almost pregnant.” You either are, or aren’t. The realities of adulthood are grounded in consequences—you drink and drive, you will get arrested; you have sex without protection, you will get pregnant; you get pregnant at 21, your academic and career goals are shot. I am not saying getting arrested is going to boost your career, either. And what about finances? You squander the money you have not yet earned, your credit will be shot; your credit is shot, you won’t be able to buy a car, rent a room, or get a bank loan. Basically, you can’t take a piss without a decent credit history. And what about that license you lost trying to celebrate your 21st, so you can’t drive to a job that can barely provide for you and your baby, pay for your health-insurance, not to mention the overdrawn credit card and student loans, circling you like a shark despite your interrupted student life? In adulthood, it will cost you too much to say, “Ooops, I did it again!” There is no “again!”

The day you own your health-insurance, car insurance, pay your mortgage/rent, utility bills, car notes, school loans, pay for your own vacation (and maybe mine—no pressure there), buy your own groceries and cook your own food (Ramen noodles don’t count), and perhaps, grow that age-old wisdom, I shall call you an adult. I say “perhaps” because learning from the follies of another is wiser yet harder than having to learn from your own. Yes, I confess, I am still working on the latter. My Love, adulthood can be a train-wreck waiting to happen. Now, do you blame Peter Pan?

Having sufficiently scared you like a conscientious, Asian, tiger-educator-mom typically should, I want you to know that exploring pathways to adulthood can be enlightening, empowering and liberating. Oh, to be 21 years old, to traipse around the world unshackled, unburdened and unlimited by culture, tradition, geographical boundaries, children, husband, boyfriends and parents! Oh, to be passionate about your views, values, notions, perspectives, loves, lovers, sex, sexuality, however, ignorant they may be…or not! To travel light, to shed excess baggage, to be able to toss your pretty head and say, “Fuck you, I don’t need you to clutter my life!” and strive on! Oh, to study to your heart’s content, follow your quest for knowledge till eternity, and experience the highs of the Everest region and lows of your armchair philosophies! Oh, to be young, youthful, unconquerable, inexhaustible and fearless about life and afterlife! Simply put, Oh, to be so gloriously and ignorantly blissful that you naturally attract the bounties of life and nature!

That is where you are at 21—taking that leap of faith into graduate school, then on to med-school, then on to honing your skills and applying them in service of humanity. “A lifetime of learning, Shibani!” as some have warned you, but how much longer will your lifetime be if it has no learning?

Just be mindful, like the “The Road Not Taken,” you will always be presented with a fork in your pathway—would you then take the “Road Not Taken” or the one that is well-traveled, trampled to dust by a million feet, comfortable, predictable and oh, so numbing, so mechanical, mindless and simply boring?! When you approach this junction, however, know that you will be equipped with Choice, the ability to exercise that Choice and the ability to engage your intelligence while exercising that Choice. You will also have Power-- to activate Will, to activate the ability to engage your Wisdom while acting on that Will, but most important of all, the Power to practice Self-restrain where necessary. Yes, My Beautiful, the choice is in your mind, the action, in your hands, and the consequences in your future.

As an educator, I recognize your “stickability” (the ability to persevere) and your learning stamina (your voracious appetite for knowledge). As a mother, I recognize your vulnerabilities that actualize your inner strengths; as your friend, I appreciate your trustworthiness, and as a human being, I recognize your compassionate being. You have inherited Bijo Papa’s quiet, yet resilient core, Anushka’s individuality, Zen’s (your first dog) no nonsense alligator moods, Boo Angel’s (blind/deafy pup) blindness to limits and obstacles, Hubble’s (the adopted stray) wanderlust, Sydney’s (toy poodle rescue) ability to overcome self-doubt, and finally, my own wry sense of humor/humorlessness!
Finally, welcome to the golden age of 21, the age of adult-wanna-be! You will be graduating this year with a degree in Neuroscience but know that adulthood is more about common sense than neurosurgery. That easy! Go figure! ☺

This was inspired by your question and our phone discussion on "the meaning of life" (not a book).
Happy Birthday, Sweet Child of Mine! You have been blessed by all your family members and those friends who’ve graced your life.

 

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Last edited: 17-Aug-15 06:41 PM

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A very nice and moving read. It is amazing how time flies. How fast kids grow up and how fast we grew up! (although I sometimes wonder if we ever truly grow up - it seems to be in our nature to cling on to and drag our childhoods out as long as we can.) Congratulations on this milestone in your life and please keep the stories coming.

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