Like most of the girls who are attracted towards jerks and stick with them who even after they were abused, Ashu you were duly paid off for your affair with Comrade Natasha. You taught me couple of things by your story.
1. I should have Everest toothpaste smile.
2. I should buy pressure cooker regularly to get free pressure cookers. It would be a good income soon.

Good April Fool story.

you naughty boy!!!!!!

even knowing it as "fool" stuff, mentioned at the top, i went through it with birds eye, and from first sight I could recall that i read it sometimes ago somewhere.

it is really interesting and reflects some sorts of life of a maoist fighter. they are used to in killings and/or dying. it's difficult to imagine how they will adjust themseves in the lives in the village/city from lives in the jungle if they come to mainstream.

Natasha reminded me of the lady maoist who once came to my office back in Nepal for donation. I am sure she must have bought few pressure cookers from the money she got from us.

Good one Ashu, enjoyed it thoroughly.

ahaha kati ramro prem katha - cho cho romantic!

Thank you all for your kind words.
I appreciate them all all.

Three additions:

1. This was originally published in Nepal's most influential English newsweekly --The Nepali Times, issue dated the 1st April 2005.

2. The piece is adapted from lengthier materials used for a half-hour ko English-Nepali stand-up comedy show in Kathmandu on the 1st April 2004.

3. Needless to say, this was and is a work of fiction.

oohi
ashu

This article made me laugh right from the beginning.

Butwal Lodge in Kalanki re, somewhat like Bajrayogini Momo center
Assume a date assuming a kung-fu pose when asked for a cigarette
a date having Glow from Tiger Lalteen in her face and stealing pressure cookers and many more such instances

must have made a nice stand-up comedy

thx for the laugh

Good!

Ashu,

:-) Such a refreshing re-read!

And the hospital food would have doubtless tasted awful! :-)

My apologies for using this rather esoteric metaphor that they use in my line of profession ie when one incurs severe damage/fracture to the karang region! This is how you vent your spleen at others for offending you: hey, you *^^$%&^& , FANCY the hospital friggin food or what? :-)

Even with having to nurse the 12 bichara broken karangs and oh, a hip-replacement surgery to boot, Oohi Ashu pulls together - customary though it is of him - that rare gusto of standing up in his crooked crutches (ouch! the karangs hurt!) and still easily manages to bring the bloody house down. Blimey. Excuse the French there! This is OA at his humorous best.

Would it be pol-tee-kali karekt if I were to draw a sano comparison between OA's humour bites with that of the Bart-Simpson looking literary weirdo fron NY who otherwise goes by the name of Woody Allen? Because the karang episode reminds me of my reading him many moons ago. It must be in his 'Complete Prose' or 'Without Feathers' where he has some really funny things to say about Hemingway and his perversely fascinating ways in the world (bull-fighting, and err womanising - what else!). Sad old git! :-)

Right, next time yours truly is home, he is going to look her up. Oh yes. He might as well take up Oohi Ashu's place, knowing fully of course what will be in the menu - the broken karangs included! Ahem. Hey what's wrong with him having a tad bit of smooching with the feisty bhayanak Comrade Natasha eh? Fancy hospital food? Well, he will be stealthily clad in one of those military bullet proof body armours when he jumps in for the 'final act''! Sorted!

A very happy belated April Fool's Day! :-)
Carpe diem

Mahisasur,

Thanks for your kind words.

***
Jira,

A word of appreciation (literally) from you about my attempts at writing humor means a lot to me. I have long been a silent admirer of your extremely humorous pieces/poems and stand-up comedy-esque monologues that you post here on Sajha.

****

S L,

Thank you.

Like you, I am a big fan of Woody Allen, and my so-called humor pieces, for what they are worth, owe a lot to my having read too many Allen pieces and to having watched
and re-watched too many of his movies. Allen is a god, really, of finely controlled absurdities.

oohi
ashu

Ashu,
Thanks for your reply. So, you too, like I, are a big WA fan? Blimey! Yes, Allen is a god in his own right. I think, the unique Woody Allen craft lies in his ability to put together examples, literary or otherwise, and draw from these a general description to elaborate his crooked grand theories. The end product is always hilarious - only a few writers can shoulder the Allen mantle.

I have read a few of his books including 'A Complete Prose' and 'Without Feathers'. Cracking. Any particular books that you might perhaps recommend to me? Yes, his films are a class act. Annie Hall, Manhattan, Everyone Says I Love You collectively top my Allen list.

I forgot to say in my previous post that I'd greatly enjoyed your humour (excuse my English spelling! :-)) when it was first published in Nepali Times. The other I like immensely was about the Miss Nepal beauty contest - the comments about some Brahmin-surname sporting sundaris but with their decidedly un-Brahmin anuhaar were funny! :-)

Hope all is well with you and that workload has not withered your otherwise invincible passion for debate. Did enjoy your posts in the other Baburam thread greatly. Your shubha-bibaaha prep taking apace, no? My best wishes as always.

Have a good day.

Ashu ko serious kaam Sajha ma ayera post garni ho? haha Sajilai raicha Nepal ma gayera dollar kamanuna ta.

S L,

My better half and I are doing well.
Thank you.

Meantime, here is that piece that you remembered some details of.

********************************
The gori details
by oohi ashu
(published under a different name)

Nothing like a modelling contest to remind you that beauty is only skin deep

From Issue #199 (04 June 04 - 10 June 04)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So there I was, working hard on a presentation all through Saturday afternoon, wondering what to do at night to let off some steam. Should I call up friends and go see Mani Ratnam’s movie "Yuva" at Jai Nepal Cinema with dinner at Thamel afterwards? Or chill out with them at an airport sekuwa ghar with beer? Or I could make some thick soup and curl up with Ha Jin’s book "The Bridegroom". Then again, listening to some humid jazz in one of Kathmandu’s smoke-filled bars sounded good too.

Then the phone rang. My buddy SMS was inviting me to the finale of 2004 Saboon Beauty Star Contest. “For free, yaar,” SMS went on. “I’ve got you a pass. There’s dinner afterward. Be at the Hyatt at seven. I’ll meet you at the lobby. And, uh, wear something nice.”

The Hyatt was packed to the rafters with Kathmandu’s who’s who. Not the literary, poetic types. Nor the rabble-rousing political brigade. There were corporate types with wives in various stages of undress. The multinational crowd was there in force and the media typhoons. Elderly women, sporting salt-and-pepper hair, were resplendent in their saris. The men were all dressed like Wall Street bankers. Everyone seemed to know each other and in the pre-event cocktail chatted with effortless rib-poking banter.

The show begins. Eighteen girls make an appearance, wearing skimpily outrageous costumes that no woman would wear on the streets of Kathmandu. They were scrawny—some looked positively malnourished. “Don’t they feed these girls?” I ask SMS. “Only lettuce,” he answers. What are these? Goats?

The ethnography of the contestants is fascinating, and some of the visibly non-bahuni lasses have bahun surnames. What is going on here? “When we bahuns sleep around, we contribute to the melting pot of this great nation,” whispers SMS. The guy in front gives us a dirty look: we are ruining his concentration.

Looks like the fair ones have an advantage here. And sure enough, the dusky ethnic types don’t stand a chance. The winner iss as gori as they come. The Kathmandu elite in attendance is composed of old-line aristocrats, largely irrelevant and in need of money, and the yummies (young, upwardly-mobile mummies) who have amassed new money but are in the process of acquiring class so they are taken seriously. And what could be better than for both types to cross-pollinate each other, to see and be seen together at events such as these?

And over in the far corner are the 60-something men, who can’t seem to get enough of the 18-year-olds sashaying down the ramp. Next to us is a nattily dressed Alfa Male who displays an enthusiasm for chatting up other people’s wives while neglecting his own. The corporate also-wannabes are clicking away with their Olympus digitals just so they can ogle at the pictures with co-workers on Monday morning.

Given the state of the country, I guess it is a form of escapism to spend a Saturday evening watching people watching beautiful young women. And I could still get back to Ha Jin's chinese stories. THE END

quality stuff.........

i hope the police n army r not harassing u for this article!!

Had read it a year ago, what a phenomenal writing, glad to read it again.

kudos ashu.

best piece of creative writing i have seen in sajha...

NICERRRRRRRRRRRRR !!

nice sarcasm, Ashu

A hilarious re-read, Ashu - doubtless proved a most fitting way 'to let off .. [the mid-week] steam'!

Lettuce eating, malnourished goats eh! :-) Thank goodness, you didn't let this comment slip off your mukh there or the drooling, ogling, hormonally charged, cud-chewing cloven-hoofed male bovids would have set upon you and your 12 karangs/haddis at once! :-) Excuse the burst of adjectives there - my half-baked humour if you will!

I hope you have a good day today. Me, out in the field this afternoon, doing some orienteering, and the mausam is fantastic - the air is nippy though! Take care.