These strangers are family now
PHOTOS and TEXT by SHEHAB UDDIN

From Issue #304 (30 June 06 - 06 July 06)



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http://www.nepalitimes.com/issue/304/Culture/12087



Most people find shelters for senior citizens depressing and avoid visiting them. But working on this photo feature at the Pashupati Bridhashram over the past six months, I have been inexplicably uplifted. I forget the stress of living in Kathmandu and my homesickness for my native Bangladesh. I feel fortunate that I have a family, as many of the senior citizens once had. But what gives me hope is that even though they have lost families and possessions, they still care. They care for each other and they retain a deep sense of humanity. The story of how they landed up here is almost always the same: in their old age they became a burden on their families who dumped them at Pashupati. For the elderly, it’s sometimes a relief that they are in such a holy place and don’t have to bear the taunts of a home where they are no longer welcome. None of them came here willingly and no one has anywhere to go. The Pashupati Bridhashram is run by the government so its budget is limited, it is congested, short-staffed and shows signs of mismanagement. There are 230 residents, 140 of them women.



GREETING: “Namaste, aram?” That is how Sankule Lati, 77, greets strangers with a namaste and a quick tilt to her head.



LAUGHING: Til Kumari Khatri, 71, and Yadongba Tamang, 70, laugh and play like children. Til Kumari has been here since 1998. Her daughter-in-law brought her to the shelter one day and left saying: “I’ll be back soon.” She never came back.



CHANTING: Every morning and evening residents gather for bhajans. Those who can’t walk to the prayer room chant from their own beds.



BATHING: Dhana Kumari Ranabhat, 99, takes a bath with the help of her husband Dil Bahadhur Ranabhat, 90. The couple is lucky, few here still have their spouses. Dhana Kumari was forced here after her husband died but married Dil Bahadhur, a retired soldier.



CHATTING: Tirtha Maya Thapa, 75 and Man Kumari Thapa, 75, sit and chat. Tirtha Maya was so busy taking care of her parents, she never married. But after they died, her relatives evicted her from her house. Man Kumari’s long lost son came and took her home a few months ago.



EATING: Bishnumaya Lati, 72, takes her evening meal with her two favourite dogs in attendance. She lives here with her husband.



COOKING: Kanchi Khatri cooks food in the shelter. She was the maid servant at the home of an astrologer and when she was no longer able to work nine years ago, her employer brought her here.



PRAYING: Laxmi Thapa, 68, prays to a wall full of pictures of the gods. She doesn’t remember where she was born or her family since she was married very young. Laxmi worked as a domestic all her life. Her alcoholic husband used to beat her up. When she broke her arm, her employer abandoned her so she came here. Now she prays all the time. “I spent all my life helping others,” she says, “now there is no one to help me.”



FEEDING: Dipa Thapa, 75, has two pet cats in the shelter. They are her only friends. She used to sell flowers in Pashupati and when her husband died, she came here.



COMBING: Ratna Maya Katiwada, 68, has kept to herself since she came here three years ago. No one knows the whereabouts of her family or where she is from.


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RECITING: Shanti Tuladhar recites a poem from her book, Unko Samjhana. She loves poetry and is still writing. Married at 30, her husband was in the army and when he died 12 years ago, she was sent here. Shanti doesn’t like to talk about her son. She reads us her favourite poem



In my old age
Shanti Tuladhar

My sons have grown up
Huts have turned into high-rises
They’re adding floors one by one
For me, there is just the pyre left

As the house grew taller
We were pushed lower
Lower than the staircase dark and dank
My son has grown up but what has he done?

I became a burden and he brought me here
My family is foreign forever,
These strangers are family now.

Tamang Lady,
wow ..i mean you know ..you are so great social worker..hehehe u know what i mean.:)
yes, during such social service trips i had chance to see these people with my own eyes.


We see lot of organization working for kids education etc but there are not enough to addess s or help these people .So, this is one of my future project that i really want to do .lets see how it goes.May be in future i might be coming to sajah and asking for help. This will take a while though i am busy with life's other activities.But i have this in my mind.

Sure i will help as much as possible now too.

This thread made me think about myself when I become old. This is another fact of our life. Damn I am imagining myself in one of that situation..Hopefully I will be on my own feet and die when I am 55 or something :-(

I see no difference here in the west and there. Here they have retirement centres. There in Nepal, we have pashupatinath ko ashram. Here we have retirement centres with nurses and people caring for these seniors with all sorts of diseases, (maily alzhimers) there these strong stout people dont have AS MANY diseases, but they don;t have as much services that they can use. Here, the govt pays for it, there peopl'e "chanda" or dontation keeps the dharmashala running.

But what's the biggest similarity? The kids are not around.

Never leave your home. If you do, at least comeback one day and keep your folks with you and keep them with you. You could be poor but you'll be rich with blessings.

I think part of the reason why old people get abandoned is due to Nepal's culture as well.
In Nepal always a son has to look after parents, and not hte daughters.Daughters have to be maried off and sent to their husbands house. Once they get married they may not be able to support their parents, so I think our culture and our perception has to be changed as well. It is as much daughter's responsibility to look after the parents as it is for sons. So i think daughters should also try to move forward be the sole care takeer of their parents.

i dont think looking after ones own parents should be catergorized as whose duty is it, be that of a son or daughter. it should be sheer out of love, care and passion.

what if someone only has 1 kid, then what.

it something that has to come out from heart, from love.

Bijaya Dasami ko Hardik Mangal Maya Subha Kamana

and am sure there are atleast 500 nepali studenst who surf sajha, even if we all pitch 10 bucks each , its 5000 bucks, almost 4 lakh, that should be able to atleast provide them with something.

one way to do is, we can open a trust, contribute directly to the name of the trust, so everyone knows there is not foul play, and the contributinos are tax deducted too, and the trust can write the check for whatever or whoever is the designated person in nepal.

am just trying to push this thread up. i wanna know if anyone is interested in the idea. thanks.

Sure Mansion..Go for It..i will help ..once you establish such funds ..lets us know here in sajah ..i will contribute.

once i get above this stage of life ..i will do some sort of social work for betterment of Nepalese . i will think about that project .

The main conclusion, never give any of your property to your kid before you die, if you want to go give also keep enough for yourself ......most of these old people in bridha ashram is kicked out by their selfish kids......

IMI, ya thx for your input, i just wanted to know what ppl think about this, coz everyone complains of ANA not doing enough, so i was thingking, if we create a trust, and if a lotta ppl donate, then we dont have to look for ANA in things we wanna contribute for.

and as a trust we can even sposor big projects in nepal, such as building for homeless childrens and stuff like that, or even hlep ppl who are stranded here in US.

once again, any input from all memeber would be very beneficial.

I have no idea what goes into forming a trust and so on...
but if it moves along i think lot of people will contribute .. i mean even little kids do it to help ppl with their allowance (we see it news every now and then). It's a great idea...

thx cerine,
the trust and all, i can do that, i just wanna know how many are interested..coz most than often, especially among us nepalese, we say something in the heat of moment and when the time comes, no one acts upon us. so i was just trying to look for some input. some new ideas.

the trust can be arranged to have a president, VP, secretary, treasure, BOD, members and so forth, so everytime we thing we should contribute towards someone, we can have a vote, and decide,

i personally think its a good idea, since its the youth who talk more about helping nepal and so forth.

and since everyone complaisn about ANA about not doing enough, i was just wondering if this would be a right move.

i definetely would like to hear more input, ideas
thanks.

in most of the these cases those money that gets sent to the nepal to help ppl are never used fully to help the ppl. So most people have lost faith in those efforts...i think anyway...

Shanti Tuladhar:

रात गए दिन जाँदैन, दिन गए रात जाँदैन.. बित्न लाई गारो..

A very touching story of an 80 year old Bishnu Maya Bhandari who lives all by herself in Sindhupalchowk. Her sons, daughter in laws and grand children all live in Kathmandu.

Listen to the Radio Sagarmatha program Hindahindai:

http://www.radiosagarmatha.org/audiobank/archive1.htm

Scroll down to 2063-05-27, Tuesday [ September 12, 2006] and listen to the second part of the program Hindahindai.

enough about love questions, and curshes and nepal situation and maobadi.

lets talk about what we can do for these ppl, why does everytime, our sentiment just dies with time, and we forget our responsibility

See the thing about Nepalese mostly students out here:
They will spend $20 in stupid dance party and $80 drinking beer but won't give $5 for charity.

I have seen in ANA people rushing into dance and concerts but no one giving donation for nobel cause.This is just funny and yet people blame previous govts, king etc.

In an individual level if a person cannot change his/her attitude .there will never be change in Nepal.

You said it Imi bro. People in this world are too selffish.

I bet even after reading this people would still not do anything about it, and thats what we Nepalese lack. We talk the talk, but will never walk the walk.
We talk just for the sake of talking but our actions are severly limited.