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Two army rules:
#1.The commanding officer is always right.
#2.If the commanding officer is not right, see #1.
A soldier is being led to the place of his execution.
-Some bad weather we`re having,-he says to his convoy.
-Look who`s complaining, they say, we have to go back.
First year sailors decided to leave their duty wilfully and play hocky. They opened the tambour and all the water gushed in...
Yes, it's hard to escape from a submarine.
A commander announces:
- The platoon has been assigned to unload luminum
- Aluminum, not luminum, corrects a trooper.
- The platoon is going to unload luminum, repeats comander,
- and the intellectual here is going to load s
A recruit examines the food served to him in the batallion dining room.
- Do I have any choice here, he asks a sergeant.
- Yes, you do. You may eat it or not.
A soldier keeps a mug upside down and tells the sergeant:
- I can't drink from this mug. It has no opening.
The sergeant examines the mug and says:
- You are right. And besides this, it has no bottom.
A general calls a colonel:
- Do you have a couple of smart majors?
- Yes I do.
- Send them to me. I need to move my furniture around.
- What do you think about the coming battle, General?
- God knows it will be lost.
- Then why should we go for it?
- To find out who is the loser.
A sergeant instructs a sentry:
- When the general comes, report to me immediately. The general doesn't show. The sergeant gets nervous and every hour reminds the sentry to report about the general's arrival. Finally, the general comes in.
- Where have you been? asks the sentry. The sergeant has already asked about you four times.
- Sergeant, what should I do if my parachute won't open?
- Bring it back and I'll replace it.
Soldier Ivanov was ordered to peel a barrel of potatos.
- In this day and age, the army should have a machine to peel potatos, complains Ivanov.
- Absolutely, answered the sergeant. And you are its latest model.
A trooper asks a sergeant:
- Is it true that man descended from a monkey?
- Yes, troopers possibly were. But not sergeants.
- Who likes music? - asks a commander.
- Two soldiers step forward.
- All right. I bought a piano. Take it to my apartment on the fourth floor.
Two paratrooper recruits in a plane:
- Are you crazy, Vasily? You are going to jump without a parachute.
- Is it mandatory to wear it?
- Sure. It's raining outside.
A soldier requested a two-day leave, as he was to become a father in the near future. When he returned to the base one week later, a sergeant asked:
- Was it a boy or girl?
- I don't know yet. I'll let you know in about 9 months.
