Just trying to get some general feedback from the sajha.com users regarding their views on marriage.

Boy meets girl - a short story.

Boy is young and inexperienced besides self errotic experiences aroused
naturally on it's own due to early adolescence and natural hormones
forcing sexual urges.



Boy sees girls and imagines the sex part the much awaited joyful union
of two bodies. The sexual union to quench the thirst of natural urges
and longings.



Boy meets girl. Boy wants sex. Boy gets sex. Cheerios! Cheers
hallelujah christmas fireworks. Boy gets more sex. Boy imagines movie
role hero heroine love story. Love struck more of sex struck but little
does he know.



Boy marrys girl. Girl begins to have demands on the way he live his
life. Boy not happy girl doesn't care. Have kid and then sex life is
over. Love life is over.



Boy is stuck what does he do?

CyLegend:
Just look at Black community and you know what it does to people who have relationship outside committement and think that is the way. their children are messed up, they do not go far in terms of studies, career and i think a lot is to do with not being in the soceital norms.

Another example i can think of are marwari community who usually get married young and are often successful in their business and tend to grow bigger because they have the family support and care and do not need to worry about it.

Well, i am not saying that it is only because of marriage but imagine the energy you will have to spend to start a new relationship every few years and if you can put that energy into some place else, you tend to have an advantage.

I guess Europe is a great example now a days with low population growth and other soceital problems becasue people do not want to be committed into societal norms.

People created marriage so that not only a boy/girl can be together but also the family be together and that is usually not the case if you are not married. For me it is an issue of Committement and also TRUST and it will reflect in other aspects of our soceity if not resolved within.

In terms of cheating, you are only looking at the US data where people have so many relationship prior to their committment that they are used to that lifestyle. I think cheating is also directly related to number of relationships one have had in their life. and you tend to compare and be unhappy and cheat/leave your partner. It is impossible for my parents to ever cheat because they only had each other as partners till now but if you ask me, i could be tempted becasue i can compare my husband to my ex-Bfs and see his weaknesses.

Well, one of the reason i feel that Asians are advancing today is becasue we are more committed and have stable relationships in our lives, same father and mother, same society. You will see a lot of problems in US in few years when all these single parents kids grow up because they never had a mother/father in their lives.

 

I am going with CyLegend on this one. Marriage does not necessarily bring stability. Why do you think almost half of the marriages are ending up in divorces now? Getting married to please society is absurd. You have to do what makes you happy.
@CyLegend - About benefits, where are you going to draw the line? Should we start asking for unemployment benefits even when we are employed because its not fair that they get paid for not having a job? Its the same way. I think of it this way - "Married people get more benefits for being in a legally binding relationship and restricted freedom".

Black community ?? really??? have you noticed lately what color the president of USA is or are you color blind or maybe you need to switch to HD tv from your Black n White tube tv?? marwari are successful because they have a family with married parents?? umm you know i don't think it's for that reason marwaris are successful rather it is because of the fact that they worked hard and  took successful business decision that they are there. yes given that they help one another is a factor but not necessarily marriage.

 

As far as cheating is related to how many relationship one has endured in the past is another discussion i fail to relate. i think cheating depends on individual choices and not necessarily marriage. One cannot conclude and assume that just cause one had many relationships in the past that they are going to cheat. as far as ones parents are concerned who would come out and say hey I just cheated  honey?? anyway what percentage of married people do you think cheat and never get caught? I think there are a lot more people who cheat after marriage than before.

 

Europeans have a very good lifestyle. Take a look at India then, forging marriage under the constant family interference, dowri practice, spousal abuse, family pressure to have a kid?? is that what you think is better? and as far as single parent raising a child is concerned it is not a matter of how many parents it takes to raise a kid it is what values and morals you teach them during their upbringing that matters. I guess US always had a high number of single parents in the world, and truth be told US is still among the elite countries to lead the world.

Well, then yours and mine point of  view are completely different. Lets stop at that. Europe has great lifestyle? that is the reason why their economy is getting impacted day by day. Their country is being taken over by the immigrants. I still feel marriage brings the stability and forces one to be commited becasue as human we do not like to be committed otherwise. We will see the outcome few years down the lane... i am not saying marrying anyone in that case, i am talking about marrying the person you love and want to spend your life with.

About India, which world you are in ? they are becoming one of the most modern society and yes there are problems in villages but i am talking about people like you and me..educated urban families and not about some village in an Indian corner. I think sometimes that Mumbai and Bangalore are better than many US cities in terms of everything.

You need to look at the statistics of US. the children being raised by a single parents has increated much more past few years and you do not see any problem with that also. That is because you do not know how it is to raise a kid? A single person can never fulfill the duties of both father/mother at emotional and often at financial level as well. when you are alone raising a kid, you will have too many problems to cope with and which will definately impact the relationship with the kid. It is like in marriage, you have another person to share the problems with and thus your child will see a better you, else you will be worried all the time about raising the kid, money, time etc and that will impact the kid. I think there is a study done in that topic as well.

Looks like you are the person who sees good in everything US and Europe and bad in everything Nepali, Indian.

About Black community, hahha...the comment seem so typical CNN one. I am talking about majority of the black community in US, are you illeterate or you do not read any data, just check in CNN itself and see where Blacks are today in US compared to other races. I have no problems with them, i am only comparing the data here and their lifestyle. Don't try to act as if you are some black activist fighting for their rights. Ohhh! i should say AFRICAN AMERICAN People....how does that sound????

god you are so inflenced by this free US life, do you work here? or r all your contacts your age?

hmmm the more i read this thread, the more confused I get.

"Survey for single guys in US: Marry a Nepali giirl or someone from here?"

so.. hmm black guys, cnn...india bangalore, villages. illiteracy, non-married couples being looked down in society, why marriage is important, why i am important, why you or your opinion is not important therefore i will make you feel like a piece of undeserving turd tomato sticking out from the back of ur moms hairy ass, what happens when single parents raise kids, WHY marriage helps both financially economically, what are the impacts on the girls parents, why never to marry a spanish girl.

which makes me read the topic again:



"Survey for single guys in US: Marry a Nepali giirl or someone from here?"


and once more:



"Survey for single guys in US: Marry a Nepali giirl or someone from here?

Marrying a nepali girl is the way to go :) Just my 2 cents!

 

First off please show me how you have correlated European
economy going down the drain to not committing to being married?? So for you to
be committed you have to be married? Is that how weak as a species we have
become that we cannot even commit to anything without getting married? I
strongly disagree. Yes, and that is exactly what I am opposing that you DO NOT
have to be married to your soul mate, the one you love to have a happy
relationship and happy life. That one ceremony that binds us in a chain  is totally unnecessary. If you are a good
person you will always restrict yourself and commit to the goodness, regardless
of marriage.

 

 

About India here http://www.upvery.com/7459-increasing-divorce-rate-in-urban-india.html

                                http://hubpages.com/hub/divorce-rate-in-india

There is no
correlation between economic boom and marriage. 
The more economically sound a country becomes the divorce rate increases.
And no not only am I talking about rural Indian villages rather the urban
Indian cities as well namely MUMBAI AND BANGALORE. Those are just few examples. Here is what
is happening in another booming economic nation

China: http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/english/doc/2005-03/01/content_420456.htm

                http://english.people.com.cn/90001/90782/90872/6888153.html

 

A single parent might
not have the physical capacity to fulfill the needs of both the role of mother
and father however they have the same capacity and quality to raise a child
that a family with mother/father would. 
I beg to differ on various level on how you can conclude that single
parents are not enough to raise a child. You have said that there has been a
study done on the topic where single parents aren’t capable of raising a child
better than family with two parents please cite the source.

 

“Looks like you are the person who
sees good in everything US and Europe and bad in everything Nepali, Indian.”

How did you ever come to that conclusion?
Based on what we are talking about right now if you can jump to such
conclusions then I have nothing to say to you.

 

As far as Black Community is
concerned you have cited CNN as your source and I just ended up googling if I
can find such story and was unable to. If you can please post the link. Having
said that, if CNN is the kind of News network you watch then I feel utterly
sorry for you. CNN has lost  it’s quality
and is just another puppet network run by greed mongers. Most of it’s programs
bring up news from social networking discussion boards as opposed to what most
quality news network sites show. Here is a prime example of what CNN home page
had vs Al Jazeera, BBC, even FOX home page had two days ago when the world was
shocked at the release of the leaked video posted on wikileaks. I know I am
veering off topic put I have to show you that CNN has lost it’s quality. 

 

I am in no way a politician, BLACK
ACTIVIST or whatever you are trying to make out of me. Those comments were
highly uncalled for. For someone who cites CNN as a source of data I don’t know
if I am the one influenced by American FREE LIFE..as you have called it.

 

Peace! 

@dekchidriver: 

Interesting take.

Sheetal, thank you for pointing the props of marriage, the strongest element that determines where a society is headed towards. America is already suffering due to rising number of single parents and it is definitely the strongest foundation that shapes our lives in my personal opinion.

That said, I don't think that's the sole basis on how you can infer that Europe is falling apart. European life is the best in my personal opinion but at the same time, its way too liberal. No bondage.

As far as "cheating" is concerned, cheating/adultery is based on how a society perceives sexual acts. In South American, the outcry over two adults having sex ( married or unmarried ) aren't as big as they are here in the states. Lets forget India and Nepal.

On topic, I reckon the original query fails to completely ignore the main issue - our immigration statuses. I'm a permanent resident myself ( 4 years before I can file for citizenship ) and I'm in a massive dilemma on who or where to marry ( being single, finding a girl is a different issue altogether ). If I married a girl here, and say if she didn't have a decent job, her legal status...etc will haunt me. If I found a girl ( during a visit to Ktm ), and fell in love, when shall I marry?

Marrying a Nepali girl is the best way to go in my humblest of opinions. Please note that I've never dated a Nepali girl but American girls are like American cars while Nepali girls are like Japanese cars. Flashy, attractive, glamorous from inside and outside, when new  - i.e. an American girl ( exceptions occur ) but when it comes to long term prospect, nobody comes close to a Nepali girl. Besides, Nepali girls aren't too bad looking either but I don't wanna stress on looks only.

And this again ( sadly ) brings me to the issue on marriage. Marrying a Nepali girl educated here ( w/ great morals etc. of course ) is the most ideal thing in my personal opinion. After having spent almost 6 years here, I'm too "Americanized" for my own good. I wish to incorporate myself into Nepali traditions, beliefs etc but I can't ignore the American aspects that I've acquired/learned either. A Nepali girl, born, raised and educated in Nepal will take quite a lot of time to get adjusted ( again, exceptions occur ).

All that said, the ones who are in a great relationship right now are really lucky. That's what leads me to wish that there were some Nepali girls at the college I studied. Pity that was never a case. And I don't mean to sound insecure or anything. Just sharing my personal opinion. I don't wanna find myself taking a route that my parents and grandparents did i.e. arranged marriage.

you try to fool the day but end up in reality.

k this is what i think of marriage. 

marriage is an element that strengthens the relationship and it shows
you the true meaning of love. from marital problems to kids, something
we all need to face in order to understand life and only love can get
you that far.

 

atleast for me.

 

 

dude you're talking like you're going to have options lined up and you have to chose and pick one.. unless you're a kaamdev with dhanu in his hand, it's not going to happen. most good looking classy whites will not marry south asians, don't ask me why maybe cuz they don';t need a gc from you. if you work really hard you may find a fat one. so,. you'll most likely end up going to Nepal to get a girl after you get your citizenship, or marry a desperate student in the usa who would drink poison against going back to Nepal. but again, you can only do so much... so relax and enjoy your life. 

Thank you for your insights.
But this isn't a thread about the "meaning" of marriage.

Dudes,



Marry the person who makes you happy and who u respect, someone who you
don't want to take your eyes off, who u cant wait to see after a long
hard days work, someone you want to commit to for life and are ready to
go through and work through all the highs (and lows) of marriage and
what life throws at you. Commitment with no agendas and forget about
origin, location or race. Since when did that correlate with anything
good? If you marry for those hidden agendas, you will screw yours and
the girls lifes up. Yours may be counted as one of many unhappy
marriages and possible divorces occuring in todays society. Infidelity
may occur. Is it worth it?



Marriage might seem like a piece of paper expected by society as written
by the few who've written on this thread but along with it, marriage
brings an expectance of obligation from both parties to commit whole
heartedly. Obviously there are variations to peoples sort of commitment
nowadays, but still, piece of mind mate. Ahh that's all I can say for
now, i'm tired....lol.







- Femmy

How long have you been married for femmy?

It varies person to person and depending their situation and personal choices, even willing to marry a Nepali you may have max-out. Lets say, you have been to usa for a long time and out of status. Someone has to do you a favor to get married with Nepali girl. Why should she / he marry with you?
I guess girl has more choices than men do because of the ratio. Most girls have in some kind of relationship before they come to USA, so you must be in similar situation.

Bidroh,

Thanks for the question but i'm not married...waiting for that person whom I described..lol.  Where the hell is he? He's bloody late!

Any reason you asked that question? What I wrote did not agree with u? What's your take on the issue? Do share. :)


- Femmy

I've already expressed my opinion above. Your wait is over now.