My First Love Lost




I will not say that he was the object of my first affections, for that would be a lie. I have been feeling passionate about people since I was very, very young. Younger probably than most people. But I deny giving those feelings the title of love.

This may seem unfair to those who don’t know the difference, but those who do will agree: calling infantile crushes love is calling a dandelion a rose. There is simply no comparison.

I suppose that we all lose our first loves, as well, and that is what makes them so sweet. But the truth is, real love is something that one never truly loses: as long as we hold onto that feeling, that emotion that is love, in its first, most pure state, we have hope, and we have the promise of bright days ahead. And your first love is perhaps your most real and most true of all loves.

It took us a year and a half to work up to “I love you,” even though we’d been saying it with our eyes for almost that entire time. He thought I was “hot,” I thought he was “cute,” his friends hated me for taking him, my friends hated me for talking about him all the time, but we were in love, and damn the rest of the world.

Every single important moment with him, from first kiss, first voicing of the tremendous feeling inside, first time making love, break up, was completely perfect. In the course of three months, I ran through every single passionate emotion a human being can possess. And I think that he would tell you the same.

Finally, I made a mistake or two, and it became apparent that he had many things to do that he couldn’t do with me there loving him deeply. I do not say that bitterly; it is the truth. We are both young and ignorant, and college draws us steadily farther away. And yet, our love draws us closer and closer together.

In the days that followed the breakup, I realized that while it hurt incredibly to have to “lose” him, I had gained him as a friend, and that was more important than anything else. Years down the line, I am sure, we will end up back together, for there is much unfinished business and untapped emotions between us.

But even if that never comes to pass, he is, and will always remain, my first love as well as one of my truest friends. There is so much I have to thank him for, and I cannot, so I merely show him in my actions how much he means to me, as a human being. I give him compassion, now, instead of passion.

Love, true love, transcends all. It does not have to be passionate. It does not have to be wild, it does not have to be romantic. True love is ALL of those things, at one time or another, but it endures through all the ups and downs, adapts to all situations, and never gives up. That is what gives those who love truly the incredible hope that all others find so amazing and foolish.

But those who love are not foolish … they are, for the first time, truly alive and open to feeling all emotions that can possibly be felt by the human soul.

I am not a fool to have loved and lost, for I lost nothing, and I gained the world.

धेरै अर्थ लाग्छ मायाको तर हार नठानीदीनु
जती जे भो भैइ गयो मन मन्दीरमा सजाउनु

धेरै बाधा हरु अरुको तर दोस कसैलाई नदीनु
जती जे भो भैइ गयो मन मन्दीरमा सजाउनु

कती कम्जोर रहेछ भाग्य .......

View/Share this post only

1. Anonymous : Many thanks fro your beautiful words.
2.Cyberdude, The illusionist: Thanks for your words
3.Bidhata: No words found to thank you.
4. niVan: Thanks for your loving words
5. LooteKukur: loote dai ' thank you'
6. Rythm, I love Nepal : ' thank you'
7.Birbhadra: Thanks for your beautiful poem in Nepal

Thank you all !

uhi .. fuchhi ..

yo fuchhi,

are you nails by any chance?

you don't need to respond if you want to conceal your identity :P


oohi Dai
LooTe

Twisted............
memories....feelings.......dreams......
the sky outside......
the pain inside........
lights.....forms........stars....
past......present..... future......
twisted is my life
twisted am I

Loote dai, Malia dukkha lago hajoor le teso bhanda ...

ma hajoor saga aba boldina ke ....

bye ...

gazzab... thanks for sharing ... ..

..uhi fuchhi ...

oye fuchhi,
last ma wink, wink bhanya khai ta? hehe.....i thought you were nails ke...now i am damn sure ni :P


LooTe (wink, wink ) hahahahhahaa

loote - lol!!
i am here ke!! and when did i ever say that you were my dai ke?? uffffff!! :@ :@
and not i am not fuchhi!!

but i am sure fuchi is just someone like me!! :) aren't you fuchhi??

and nice story by the way!! (wink,wink)

o its so much like anurag-prerna story!!
first love.. hmm wudnt say its a true love but .. cannot forget it for sre,.. tyo ta ho naii..!!..i think love depends on how ppl take it... boys - 75% go for sex in love, women .. i think want attention and care more than sex..!!

I think nails should change her name to winku...hhehehe..just a thought :D...nails uses lots of 'ke ke' and 'winku winku' and 'uffffff' all the time...fucchi is really a fucchu ;)

nailu aka fuchhi...:P

that story was a sweet one ni so you don't need to register for another nick ke:P. you are my sweetheart (sis bhanyo bhane risaauchha ke garne) so you don't need to worry ke!! :P wink, wink

fucchi,

why mad at me sis? ma pani timisanga boldina ke! wink, wink ....:P


LooTe

loote - whatever you wanna say ke!!! i am not in the mood to argue with you ke!! uffffff!!
and i am not your sis ke!! cause i never was in the first place!! :@ :@

nailu,
don't get mad at me ke! maile ke bhanya chhu ra? i thought you were fuchhi ke!..i didn't know you are not ke! now i know you are not fuchhi ke! you are tall ni! :P wink, wink...

aba haasideu na? katti risai raa ma sanga? mero ke galti chha ra baaba?


LooTe

loote,
jau timi aafnai biradar ko jantu sanga..

nails ta aarkai biradar ko ho ni.. uslai chod dau (O:

looks like nailu is really mad at me....so nailu here i go uth bas for 50 times...i am repenting :(

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10... 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20...21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30... 41 (:P) 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50....phew!!!

that was tiresome...i cannot even stand on my feet now damn!!


in complete agony
LooTe

P.S. aba ta haasi deu na....:)

chyaaaa love bhaneko pani 1st 2nd 3rd choti hunchara bhanaya.

Beautifully Written!

A happy me became the sad me again..as usual..its becomin a habit..lol...today i called her up to know how she is..coz partly i was missin her n partly worried..We talked for about half n hour when she said that she's feeling sleepy.After keeping the phone i sent her a message.and when i gave her a missed cal i found out that she was talking ..with probably her bf..i felt so bad so bad that she lied to me..lied to me as she has done before...and the thing is i cant accuse her of lyin even though i know she's not doing the right thing by lyin...u know how it feels wen the girl tels u that she trusts you more than anything and then at the same time she's hiding things and lyin..this really hurts especially wen u love dat girl...more dan urself

A few days ago went to cafe coffee day to take a break...wen a girl was starin at me i felt so afraid so strange..i was happy but i was sad at the same time coz it reminded me all d time both of us (S n me) enjoyed..i jus missed those..at that time i desperately needed her..i wanted to cry..i just wanted to cry..even though i am a man i jus wanted dat..its so pathetic..i jus culdn do dat too..coz my friends were wid me..n i didnt want them to know..didn want them to worry about me...WHY does it have to be me who loves her not someone else..i get up everyday thinkin i dont care about her..everytime i think of her i try to convince myself its jus infatuation or lust...but i cant even force myself as much as i try..i am a loser.whatever i get in my life love wil be one thing i am always goin to lose at.....and i cant do anything about it except watch gettin hurt again n again n again..........

Loote dai .. thank you . you are lovely bro.

Bidhata: many thanks for another sweet song !

thanks to nails, AznshawtY, thapap, gundaa, jellybeans, sajhauser, and wot ? wott ?? ...

uhii ..fuchhi

fuchhi,
timi sanchai fucchi ho? in age ki height?
brain ta khatara chha