I get really nervous in social situations and do not know what to do..its to the point where i cant barely speak because im so shaky and people can hear my beating heart. I have servere difficulty in making anykind of eye contact...i feel like i see too much when i look into people's eyes, what they are really thinking.When I try to speak my voice just get compressed and my sound listen like whistling 

I do have no idea what to do

Is it really serious problem or do I have see doctor ?

 

Good suggestion needed.. seriously..

It is something you can get better by involving yourself more and more in public appearance u know. I was like that in class presentation, but i was dealing with this kinda situation more frequently - now i have to give presentations to city attorney and governer..i do fine now. Involve a little bit of humor in presentation - that's my trick.

Thank you so much ..you guys...for urs valuable suggestions

More advice needed

Im tired of this sick..so this time I have to get rid of this things...

Appreciated... guys

It's your subconscious mind only.. so get over it.

C'mon guys, give more effective suggestions pls...

Mann just think you are the king of the world. All others are your chelas. Say whatever comes to your mouth and keep quiet for a while. Give a shit to people who go against you.

Thats it.

Dude,

The best way to do this, is by starting "small-talk". Just start saying 'hello' or talk about the weather when you meet new people in the elevator.

When you go to Mcdonals and other places, don't just order, ask them how they are doing? you know? small things?? I am sure you will find it a lot easier to talk to younger people and people who are in your level like hapsis and mexicans or janitors (no pun intended) or people in customer service, who like talking - or they HAVE to talk to you.

Or if you are student, if you can't speak up in class, talk to the Prof after class. I really recommend asking questions in class, because that takes a lot of courage. If nothing else, just raise your hand and say "Prof, i am not following, could we go over this one more time". Try this out a couple of times, this is a good way to build your confidence.

Or join those clubs, what's that called "kettle class" or "tea party" or something, where you go to meet new people who want to learn public speaking. WTF, I can't think of that word right now. But you get the idea.

Good luck.

Seems you suffer from anxiety disorder. It can be treated..

There is very popular method to treat it.. Let me summerize it as follows-

1. Think that this fear as a third party hypothetical creature like a scary animal, imagine it.. and give it a name - lets say 'foo'. This means you are normal person, but this 'foo' attacks you and make you feel like that (increased heart beat, sweating, trembling, fear) .. whenever you are about to talk in group.

2. Medically it has been established fact that no one dies because of social anxiety, stress. This means, foo can not kill you no matter what worse it may be... it just scares you, makes you feel chill in your body.

3. Third step is to make a list of all symptoms you experience when foo attacks you, i.e. when you feel nervous while speaking in group (dry mouth, chilling weaves in legs, increase heart rate, sweating... ).

4. Next and Important step - foo will not hold grip you forever. It will vanish soon .. possibly in few minutes.

OK, with this preparation, now you are ready to fight the war..

1. Next time, when you have to talk in groups, think in advance that - foo will attack you and get mentally prepared for that fact. As expected, foo will show up.. Just accept foo, don't resist.. let foo do what it can..

2. When you talk in group, foo will definitely show up. Wait for foo to appear. Let him come .. Feel him..experience each symptoms.. since you already know what foo will do, it is not surprise or new thing.... and say.. oh. yeah.. I know that too... Tell him (internally), "oh.. mr. foo, so you are here again ? I knew you will be.. And I also know everything, what you will do to me.. It's fine. No worry.. do whatever you can. I am ready to handle." Flow with it.. don't resist.. foo will try its best to scare you this time too, but since you already know its all symptoms.. you just neglect them.. foo will gets tired himself soon. Don't pay attention to it. Instead ASK FOR MORE.. "Hey, what else you can do ? that's it ? common...."

GO ONE STEP AHEAD ..

Don't stop there. Instead of waiting foo to show up,  be warier .. start searching for foo yourself. Go one step ahead, and do anything you were not able to do just because foo used to scare you (you will not die doing that..).  Hunt for foo yourself now.. Could not go on the top of tower and look downwards ? Could not ride roller coaster ? Now is the chance.. Do it now.. . Let foo show up again. .let it come.. feel the symptoms of foo (which you already know..)..experience it...enjoy it.. Do everything that makes foo appear ... Say "hey, where are you  mr. foo? so are not you comming again ? you can not scare me anymore.. .. "

Practice this.. expect foo.. ejoy his drama.. his effort to scare you.. soon foo will not be intersted in you..

For best effect, imagine foo as a funny charater. Like a duck .. quacking around.. and trying to scare you..

----
It sounds funny, but it is effective method.. try it!

my personal experience,
its because of lack of self confidence.

easy steps to follow:
1. when you speak do not care about other people's reaction [ hard to do right]
2. way i achieve (1) is by not looking @ them
3. look at the end of the room. a dark spot or some stationary; non-living things and present your case (O: .... he he he .. works perfectly...

when you can accomplish (1) (2) and (3) for some time.. you will build your self-confidence and think of yourself like the ruler in town.. then you can talk/brag/do anything with confidence.....

no more nervousness issue...

============================
as always
what do i know (O:

wow ANS , I like that one. Foo lai fuuuuu garera pathaune. I am also nervous for class presentation. I will try this trick for sure......... tell u guys my experience later... Thanks

 

P.S   I like sajha. different ppl, different views ... 

First of all thanks to Shambhhoo for raising this issue. I think most of us are facing this problem everyday in our life or once in the past. Some have overcome it and some are fighting for it. I am the one still fighting. From this thread i have learned more idea to overcome it. I think two things are most important if we want to fight with this kind of problem.
1. Becoming mentally strong
I think the way ANS described  is the best way 'Expect foo'
2. Experience and practice more
The more u speak, the more u are used too. Be prepared before presentation to boost ur confidence level. Participate in some group. If u find 'TOASTMASTER' it is the best. u can find this org in most of the city in US.

It happens to everyone in the beginning. Public Speaking is not easy for anyone. Thats why there are comm classes starting from 101...if you still an undergrad take speech classes . it helped me doing my presentations thru out the college year...

and yes make sure you know what you talking as it requires a huge level of confindence..

juss my thought

And Mr Shambhoo, if you a pot head then dun worrie abt it..........its normal...depends on what kinda stuff you burn :)

Personally for me, it is the ascent that acts against my confidence. As I don't have american ascent, I feel tentative to talk in front of group of people because I sometimes feel I am not pronouncing the words right or people are not understanding the word what  I meant to say. During my first semester in my chemistry class, I pronounced chemical bond in a way it sounded chemical bone..you know  how bond is pronounced like b -a - nd sound.and my group members were like "Jesus!".That was kind of depressing during my first month in USA.When I sometimes talk on the phone, a lady picks up the phone and says "I don't understand you ".. may be because I speak fast but its the way they sound that sets me back..

Shambhoo, From the symptoms that you are experiencing, it sounds like you have Social Anxiety Disorder. I don't know how old are you. But you might cope this anxiety better when you grow older. However, there are some ways to try to overcome it. If you really want to know more about it, this site might be helpful: http://socialanxiety.factsforhealth.org/ Good Luck!

 

Its all about confidence...Even the most powerful peeps get nervous when confronted and they're not prepared (ala Dick Fuld before the Congress). Just make sure you KNOW what you're doing and confidence will come automatically. That should help.

As for Bear23, if you're a bhalu and knowing that there are cops around 24/7 in most areas of the US, you should be the most nervous of them all, muji. Quit giving advice as a bhalu needs to be good in bed and not try and be a psychologist. LMAO

 

Thanx guys. I really appreciate ur valuable suggestions. In my case day by day my condition is going worst. Nowadays its really difficult to concentrate on the things i ve to do in the office; i can't cooperate with my boos and colleagues because i feel i m inferior and can't look into their eyes. The whole day the same small thing is rolling into my mind ... does anybody else have the problem like me ? I think i m the only one ... pls share ur experiences and more suggestions...

If you are looking towards career move never go for Business Analyst jobs as this job requires frequent interactions with developers, presentation, speech...etc

other self improvement tips in daily life try to speack loud, dont worry about what other might think about you whatever you speak you should have a strong views and confidence about that topic, also keep in mind that you are the smartest and others are dumb (but respecting others and being a good listeners also)

thanks guys ur valuable suggestion

As abhi2000 described.. I have same kind of problem too.

I do not have good american accent and that makes me feel that are they understand me or not ?

If  I have some frn with me I feel embrass to speak with any american . That things are making me dumb day by day..

Give us more guys....I think there is a lot of people who are suffering this kind of problem..

dipulata i like ur tips, "Don't worry of wat other might think abt you" but how can i apply it? I m trying to do so but couldn't over come the problems. Its very difficult for me to build up the confidence that i m the smartest n the others r ...

Shambhoo, people who grumble about your accent don't matter to you. Those who matter will politely ask you to repeat if they don't understand. You are doing no harm to yourself when you don't speak English in American accent, as American tongue is shit anyways. Try to pronounce each words separately and people will understand everything. I can guarantee that your English is much better than most non-Americans living there. Perhaps even better than some Americans who never made to the school.

As far as being nervous at Social situations is concerned, I'd not give a flying f*** about what others might think about me. And trust me those people have their own problems. No one would bother about how you were doing, unless you are there for a job interview or fixing a girl for yourself. Whenever you go to a gathering, just loosen up yourself. Talk to someone if you want to, otherwise enjoy the atmosphere by smiling at people and moving around. But don't think what you'd talk with x,y,z. Nobody talks serious in such gatherings anyway.

I'd also suggest you to watch Ali G clips in youtube and try to impersonate him in front of your friends.