The people I am in love with, they have never heard me saying it or accepting it but they don’t know how many poems and just plain lines I have wrote keeping them in my mind. They don’t know how many times I have pictured them reading my poems and thinking maybe it is them I am talking about. They don’t know how many times I have just allowed myself to get lost to fantasize about them, how many hours I have wasted thinking about them and how much I have yearned to say all the things I think, hope and wish for them out loud. They don’t know and I don’t think I would ever confess. It’s quite a feeling to secretly adore someone, to love someone for every bit of them and sometimes hating them but always, always finding a way to love them back. I guess I am more in love with this feeling than I am in love with these people.

The people I have run out of love for, I don’t think I can ever apologize enough. I don’t know if I even want to. I may be that one girl that burned their hearts but refused to take the warmth or maybe I am that girl they stumbled upon who passed away like a season causing nothing to ponder upon. Whoever I may be, I hope they know I am just someone who crossed their paths and I was never meant to be there for more seasons than I already was. I hope they know it because to know this is a relief. And additionally, I hope they know that whatever they may or I may feel about them today, I will always wish the best for them and that would never change.

The person I thought I run out of love for, I still want you. I still think, talk and dream about you and it hurts. You are still so fresh in my memories and I still blame me for letting you go. I lie awake playing your voices in my head and I keep hitting the repeat button. I keep checking your profile and think about hitting that unfriend button but instead wish that you were still mine. Even now I am thinking what are the odds of you reading this and knowing it’s me and it’s you I am writing for. I still love you but I wish one day I would stop.

Nice post. It gave me a sigh of relief for some reason and I don't know why. She came in my life with the sweet fragrance of spring and left with the harshness of cold winter. She made me feel like I was all that she was waiting for all her life. She loved me, I loved her more but then everything ended with these words "I don't think I 'm ready for a relationship now." If she wasn't ready why did she not think of it before? But then I vividly remember my conversations with her. Though she said she loved me and made me feel special once in a while, she was always full of herself. She felt second to none, she was the most beautiful girl in her own terms, her dreams, her family status, her priorities and me ? I was just an object. She didn't love me but only the idea of me for she found everything she wanted in me. So, I think I loved a NARCISSIST.
But I can't get over her. She hasn't unfriended me on facebook. I don't have a single post updated after the breakup but I wish she looks at my profile and misses me. She maybe heartless but my love is unconditional .............................

ktmguy

i am glad you could relate to this. i know how you feel except i may be on the other side of the blade. but well, i like to think if it was meant to be, it would be and then again i think should i have fought harder? anyways, l really wish you would get over her and move on cause life doesnt stop right? cheers buddy!

I secretly hope that you are talking about each other on your posts. That would be really interesting!

lamopuri
hahaha that would be something huh! but i really hope not i really am no narcissist ;)

lamopuri
I guess it just a coincidence and yeah if it were true idk it would be really interesting lol.
evanescence
I tried to move on - I really did but in vain. One moment I feel I don't need her and try to man up but again I fail miserably. Maybe I was just one other guy for him but she was all I had. I was always tough but then I realize how weak I am for her. The way she broke up with me - it's really frustrating and sad at the same time. I can't stop loving her no matter what tho.
"I suppose in the end, the whole of life becomes an act of letting go, but what always hurts the most is not taking a moment to say goodbye." Life of Pi

ktmguy

letting go and moving on is tough. may be she regrets she lost you and maybe she is just too weak to admit that or maybe you both were just a phase in each other's lives and one day it wouldnt hurt at much. i am rooting for the latter. give it time, time is a healer they say!

evanescence
Thanks for the boost in my optimism to try and get over everything that happened. Yes,time is a healer and I will gather some courage to stand back up after this crippling fall. She was my first love and she will always be . I don't know if I'll ever love a girl with such passion and dedication again. But well, I won't be heartless, I'll just use my heart less :)

ktmguy

i hope time heals you. and i wish the next time you fall in love, you fall hard and i wish it would be everything you wanted and more. i hope you never have to use your heart less which i think as one of those rare sincere hearts and i hope you continue to be so :)

evanescence
Is it a bad thing to wish to get her back though? Or do I just let it go?

ktmguy

i dont know how to answer that but if you make someone your priority, its not selfish to want to be the same in that someone's life and if they cant understand that i think its best to let go.

evanescence
Very well said. At this time the best I can do is to listen to "not a bad thing" by Justin Timeberlake haha. Thanks for listening to my rants and have a great day :)
“As I look back on my life, I realize that every time I thought I was being rejected from something good, I was actually being re-directed to something better.” - Steve Maraboli

बिर्सिन्छन मायालाइ यहाँ माया गर्छु भन्ने हरु
रित्तिन्छन अथाह सागर प्रितको भर्छु भन्ने हरु
अस्ताउँदो सूर्यको अर्थ कान्तिहीन दिन हैन
मिठो आभास मधुर याद लुट्छन मनको चैन
ये मुटु छोडी जाने निष्ठुरी, एक फेर मुटु साटेर त हेर
तातो मुटु चिसो परिवेष, प्रेम आत्माको मागेर त हेर

evanescence - राम्रो मन को भवन पोख्नु भएछ ... सानो टुक्रो मैले पनि पोखिदियें ... अन्यथा मान्नु हुन्न भन्ने मानेको छु .....

- थाहा छैन

datktmguy
cheers to all the better things coming ahead! :)

thahachaena

" बिर्सिन्छन मायालाइ यहाँ माया गर्छु भन्ने हरु
रित्तिन्छन अथाह सागर प्रितको भर्छु भन्ने हरु "
malai tapai ko yo sabda haru ekdam manparo. yaha share garnu vaye ko ma dhanyabad :)

A beautiful expression of complex emotions, Evanescence.  Life is only as complex as we allow it to get.

vivant

your comments always inspire me. thank you for being so kind. :)

thahachhaina
That was some wonderful piece of writing. Thanks for sharing and keep 'em coming.