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Straight Talk from SITARA (after 10 years!)
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SITARA
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Posted on 08-16-15 5:10
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My Last Straight Talk on Shibani’s 21st!
Welcome to the dawn of your pseudo-adulthood, my 21-year-old teenager! You were more adult at 15 when you first sat behind the steering wheel of my Civic, and more adult when you cast your first vote in the Presidential election, than at 21 when you are legally allowed to drink, buy alcoholic beverages, coolly stagger along with a drunken group of other 21-year-olds, respectably pass out in a drunken stupor, and honorably nurse a hangover on a head that was not wisely used, the night before! At 21, you are still a glorified teenager and a half-baked adult.
The notion of adulthood is a matter of perspective. Notice, I said, “notion?” However, the reality of adulthood effectively pulverizes any existing “notions” or “perspectives” that may be flirting the peripheries of the gray zone. You cannot claim to be “mama, I’m almost adult!” as you cannot claim to be “almost pregnant.” You either are, or aren’t. The realities of adulthood are grounded in consequences—you drink and drive, you will get arrested; you have sex without protection, you will get pregnant; you get pregnant at 21, your academic and career goals are shot. I am not saying getting arrested is going to boost your career, either. And what about finances? You squander the money you have not yet earned, your credit will be shot; your credit is shot, you won’t be able to buy a car, rent a room, or get a bank loan. Basically, you can’t take a piss without a decent credit history. And what about that license you lost trying to celebrate your 21st, so you can’t drive to a job that can barely provide for you and your baby, pay for your health-insurance, not to mention the overdrawn credit card and student loans, circling you like a shark despite your interrupted student life? In adulthood, it will cost you too much to say, “Ooops, I did it again!” There is no “again!”
The day you own your health-insurance, car insurance, pay your mortgage/rent, utility bills, car notes, school loans, pay for your own vacation (and maybe mine—no pressure there), buy your own groceries and cook your own food (Ramen noodles don’t count), and perhaps, grow that age-old wisdom, I shall call you an adult. I say “perhaps” because learning from the follies of another is wiser yet harder than having to learn from your own. Yes, I confess, I am still working on the latter. My Love, adulthood can be a train-wreck waiting to happen. Now, do you blame Peter Pan?
Having sufficiently scared you like a conscientious, Asian, tiger-educator-mom typically should, I want you to know that exploring pathways to adulthood can be enlightening, empowering and liberating. Oh, to be 21 years old, to traipse around the world unshackled, unburdened and unlimited by culture, tradition, geographical boundaries, children, husband, boyfriends and parents! Oh, to be passionate about your views, values, notions, perspectives, loves, lovers, sex, sexuality, however, ignorant they may be…or not! To travel light, to shed excess baggage, to be able to toss your pretty head and say, “Fuck you, I don’t need you to clutter my life!” and strive on! Oh, to study to your heart’s content, follow your quest for knowledge till eternity, and experience the highs of the Everest region and lows of your armchair philosophies! Oh, to be young, youthful, unconquerable, inexhaustible and fearless about life and afterlife! Simply put, Oh, to be so gloriously and ignorantly blissful that you naturally attract the bounties of life and nature!
That is where you are at 21—taking that leap of faith into graduate school, then on to med-school, then on to honing your skills and applying them in service of humanity. “A lifetime of learning, Shibani!” as some have warned you, but how much longer will your lifetime be if it has no learning?
Just be mindful, like the “The Road Not Taken,” you will always be presented with a fork in your pathway—would you then take the “Road Not Taken” or the one that is well-traveled, trampled to dust by a million feet, comfortable, predictable and oh, so numbing, so mechanical, mindless and simply boring?! When you approach this junction, however, know that you will be equipped with Choice, the ability to exercise that Choice and the ability to engage your intelligence while exercising that Choice. You will also have Power-- to activate Will, to activate the ability to engage your Wisdom while acting on that Will, but most important of all, the Power to practice Self-restrain where necessary. Yes, My Beautiful, the choice is in your mind, the action, in your hands, and the consequences in your future.
As an educator, I recognize your “stickability” (the ability to persevere) and your learning stamina (your voracious appetite for knowledge). As a mother, I recognize your vulnerabilities that actualize your inner strengths; as your friend, I appreciate your trustworthiness, and as a human being, I recognize your compassionate being. You have inherited Bijo Papa’s quiet, yet resilient core, Anushka’s individuality, Zen’s (your first dog) no nonsense alligator moods, Boo Angel’s (blind/deafy pup) blindness to limits and obstacles, Hubble’s (the adopted stray) wanderlust, Sydney’s (toy poodle rescue) ability to overcome self-doubt, and finally, my own wry sense of humor/humorlessness!
Finally, welcome to the golden age of 21, the age of adult-wanna-be! You will be graduating this year with a degree in Neuroscience but know that adulthood is more about common sense than neurosurgery. That easy! Go figure! ☺
This was inspired by your question and our phone discussion on "the meaning of life" (not a book).
Happy Birthday, Sweet Child of Mine! You have been blessed by all your family members and those friends who’ve graced your life.
Last edited: 16-Aug-15 08:07 AM
Last edited: 16-Aug-15 10:09 AM
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SITARA
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Posted on 08-16-15 7:31
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It has been a long time since I visited Sajha as a writer--life just took over. However, despite its seemingly personal nature, I am posting again because 21 is a milestone for many and a stepping stone for many more. You are welcome to comment if it resonates with you, or not, of course! Thanks for reading.
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ramas
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Posted on 08-16-15 8:03
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so "The meaning of life" is a book?
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Saajha
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Posted on 08-16-15 4:40
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"...because learning from the follies of another is wiser yet harder than having to learn from your own." very well said. Great write-up, and welcome back, Sitara! Congratulations, and Happy Birthday to the little one!! ~@~
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SITARA
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Posted on 08-17-15 5:36
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Hi Ramas, thanks to your question, I did edit the write up so there would not be any confusion. Thank you for reading Saajha and the birthday wishes. I hope all is well with you. Life goes fast!!!!!!!! :) Nas, thanks for taking the time to read and respond--I am sure somebody, somewhere agrees with you. :)
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ne0
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Posted on 08-17-15 8:05
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Hi Sitara! Welcome back after all these years! Your writing is crisp, refreshing and witty as usual. In this day and age of information, kids tend to learn a lot of things from the web so the whole teaching by parents, teachers and peers has changed a lot.
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hurray
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Posted on 08-17-15 9:14
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21 is over-rated as a milestone. I guess kids in US reach adulthood at 21 and kids in Europe at 18. But I do agree "The notion of adulthood is a matter of perspective". Btw, welcome back.
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ThahaChaena
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Posted on 08-17-15 10:52
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Welcome Back SItara di.... This writeup of yours seems like an outcry of a mother for a child who is slipping off of your sweet motherly warmth. Nevertheless, its a creative piece and crisp as Neo bro said. Good read creative prose amongst all these melancholic TPS posts in sajha. Happy birthday to your lil'one. - Thaha Chaena
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SITARA
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Posted on 08-17-15 6:36
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Thanks Neo, it's good to be back as an occasional writer. I have made quite a few good friends through Sajha. As for the witty writing, I have crossed over to sarcasm (like you didn't know)--must be the pent up energy from abstaining from engaging in the act of Sajha!!!! Hurray, that is exactly right! In the US, 21 is such a hype--it isn't even funny. ThahaChaena--Bless your heart! It is not an outcry from a wounded mother--on the contrary! Every year, since Shibani went to college, I have done a writeup on her birthday. It usually starts out by embarrassing her and then ending with full on support. This time, I noticed that everyone she or I met made comments like, "Wow, 21!...Congratulations, you can legally drink now!" We would both look at each other and burst out laughing at what seems to be the highlight of being 21. So, this writeup is a more tongue-in-cheek parody of what we've been hearing, except I added the side effects being afflicted by the disease called "adulthood at 21." 
Last edited: 17-Aug-15 06:41 PM
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Vivant
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Posted on 08-17-15 8:33
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Hello Sitara,
A very nice and moving read. It is amazing how time flies. How fast kids grow up and how fast we grew up! (although I sometimes wonder if we ever truly grow up - it seems to be in our nature to cling on to and drag our childhoods out as long as we can.) Congratulations on this milestone in your life and please keep the stories coming.
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my man
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Posted on 08-18-15 1:22
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ages 18 and 21 are hyped for the same reason as mentioned in the above post by nas. its just natural to like blossoming flower. sorry
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my man
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Posted on 08-18-15 1:30
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i really like the writing; although, i cannot write essentials, like you do, it does feels like watching low budget movie with great story line
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SITARA
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Posted on 08-18-15 4:18
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Hi Vivant, life seems to be a paradox in itself, no? I don't know if we'll ever be truly old, but we'll certainly become more responsible (I hope). :) Thanks again. My man, Ma Myaan! I don't know why you are apologizing--is it for your opinions or mine? Thanks for the compliments; I am still trying to figure out the low-budget part. However, I have a better one, just to go along with whatever you said--It's like watching a home-video movie on Youtube--Free! Free to post on Sajha, Free to read on Sajha! Lol!
Last edited: 18-Aug-15 04:27 PM
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sojoketo
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Posted on 08-18-15 5:12
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sitara?? chya naam ramro lagena.. manche chai just Ok raichau..not oho kya chwak maiya type nor chyaa kasto naramro (awkward facial xpression of girls, Nas(ey) lai dekhdako  damn..i just read most of
the comments and realized you have a daughter who has just turned21. i could be
wrong. my english sucks and yes i don't regret on that.. :) but i blame it on
you for looking young or posting young profile pic..flirting little bit in fact, you know cbani(i prefer calling you cbani, character of your post) you kinda a look like the one of the mature crush of mine. to meet whom, I drove 15 hrs all the way to canada. i regret. i told her the truth being honest and she got emotional and pissed off but on the other side i am happy i told her the truth. hope she is not your elder sister i ain't mean no bad
sarcasm on real shibani calling you cbani. so stay +ve coming to your post, kei bujeko bhaye marijaau. kasto english ho tyo? harek sabda ko artha dictionary ma khojnu parne. (my english is pretty bad and i ain't mind for that ..mero xucchi crush, ani amby le english sikautheen but they are kind of lost in a blue for now  but yeso your post herda, Nas(ey) ko comment dekhe and i presumed some vulgar joke and it even didn't take a nano second to turn my presumption into reality..kukur ko puchar 30 barsa samma dhungro ma rakhda pani ustai..Just FYI for them who ain't know Nas(ey) is turning 30 soon.. Nas(ey)
no vulgar jokes or comment, come on man, she is a mother of an adult child who
could legally buy alcoholic beverage in any store across the states and oh yaa
could hit on any night clubs and casinos :)
Neo ko comment pani raicha..Neo bhaneko hamro san dai haina..then cbani must be popular one in sajha.. aru titar bitar jharpat haruka comment sojo keto lai padne time chaina as sojoketo is on aru titar bitar
jharpat haruka comment pani ramra raichan
vacation in Europe at the moment. However, still cbani's post has attracted sojoketo's attention to read it like magh ma swastani padeko jhai and comment like JK rowling ko books ma based movie hereko jhai .. paci fursad ma majjale padaula 'cbani ko katha' still have to read the
title post recursively to understand @ least 90% of it Last edited: 18-Aug-15 05:32 PM Last edited: 18-Aug-15 05:46 PM
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sojoketo
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Posted on 08-18-15 5:56
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'21 is over-rated as a milestone. I guess kids in US reach adulthood at 21 and kids in Europe at 18.' i do not agree with the content 'kids in Europe at 18' reason: i met a european girl who has just turned 21 and allowed to enter in the nightclub ..she is the most beautiful girl i have ever seen..(well i do always feel the same when i see every other beautiful girl) The European girl hesitates to twerk neither was ready to grind unlike all the freaking white chicks and black booties in the club. and at once she was smiling and a little bit shy as well looking at me. i knew the reason but still i asked her why and the reason was a guy and a girl(of course white american) in front of her and sojoketo were kissing right in front of the mass in the night dance club.. so the assumption that girls from Europe at 18 turns to have the adulthood at 18 is not always right. IMO, American girls are the craziest freaking forward one who reaches the adulthood at 21, of course after 21 and ever before 21, most of the time even before 18..
Last edited: 18-Aug-15 05:58 PM
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ma_ek_loser
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Posted on 08-18-15 8:19
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Last edited: 18-Aug-15 10:36 PM
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SITARA
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Posted on 08-18-15 10:19
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Sojo Keto, Ye Hajur, You might wanna use braille to read my post. Back in my feisty days, I might have said, "Horny dreams of a teenage mutant ninja turtle!" to your second post, but really I won't hajur! So, yay, whatever floats your unholy boat--carry on, dream on, twerk away, if you must.  Ma-ek-loser, Thank you for remembering bygone days. Actually, those people you mentioned are impacting people's lives in one way or another. They remain my friends through Sajha.
As for the other, few things bother me--there are trolls everywhere, esp. in public forums. I don't know if the troll-factor in Sajha has changed any, since those days. People come here for many reasons--some, to unleash their pent up sexuality, wag their loose tongue and others to download their fantasies, seek advice, information etc. San allots them this space. I come here to scratch an itch to write, sit back and watch. :) Thanks though, very thoughtful. And of course please message me.
Last edited: 18-Aug-15 10:24 PM
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