Hi Guys,

I have been going through certain issues in my life recently. It felt like everything was coming apart. In Nepal we don't talk about these kind of things so I didn't know how to handle it. I went to an American counselor to go talk about it.

I told her all the symptoms of what I was going through. And after diagnosing me, the counselor said that what I am going through is called an 'Existential Crissis." I had not heard of these words before. I feel that in Nepal we are not familiar with this term. Anyway, the counselor was asking me, how in my country we as a culture and people dealt with an Existential Crisis. I did not have an answer. So I thought I would come and ask some of you if you know of anyone who suffered from this or know how they dealt with it in Nepal.

http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-with-an-Existential-Crisis

I would be very grateful for your help.

 bairaag

ब्रो ले गे हुने थ्रेड ओपन गर्‍यो जस्तो छ, हो ब्रो ?

अस्तित्व संकट

Meek Misfit and Man Ko Kura,

Thank you for both your sensitivity and your replies.
I am more familiar with the word bairaag than with अस्तित्व संकट

If you can provide any more information, or you know how Nepali people you may have known have dealt with this, I hope you will share. I am sure I am not the first Nepali to be going through with this. I know I will not be the last.

Those of you who may laugh at me today...but tomorrow it may be you posting this type of thread in sajha...asking for other Nepali brothers and sisters help.

It is especially difficult going through this living in America, seperated from friends and family, who are in Nepal. That is why I am seeking the support of friends in sajha through this difficult time in my life. I am also hoping that other friends in sajha will learn from my experiences. If we cannot be there for friends and other Nepalis at times like this, then when can we count on others, hoina ta?

If other Nepalese can also learn from what I am going through it would be good for us all to be educated in how to deal and help someone going through अस्तित्व संकट.


 

inner dilemma,  personal crisis, separation anxiety, depression,  cultural shock, all comes in the package of Existential Crisis, when I first arrived in the States in 1997 I was a mere teenager, it was a huge culture shock for me as I had to struggle that life had just slapped me in my face, I was in the age where my friends back home were enjoying life, where as I had to now work....that was new to me as I never worked in my life, So If i wanted to go to school, basically live life, I had to work and so I did, I found a job in an Indian restaurant but after a week or so I had enough of the dhoties bullying around so I beat one of the partner to a pulp( felt so GOOD) and challenged the owner to call the police BUT since the guy was illegal and he just paid me to leave. I struggled to fit in a job but later I found a nice job at a good place with lots of Nepali students, life was always tough because everything I made was barely enough to pay for school and live life, so I got another job, countless nights I felt that I was in hell and had to go back but the thing that kept me going were my friends who were struggling like I was, they felt everything i felt and we were very much alike and we were there for each other. Later on life wasnt that bad as we all started to fit in, finished school, got a job, married, kids, house and looking back i feel that those days were the best days of my life as they define who I am right now.
                I been through some real bad times and  in many ways I can relate to you bro. My advice is keep pushing your self no matter what life throws at you, remember its just a phase in your life and if you hangon against all the odds, things will fall in place slowly but surely. There were times in my life when I had lost all hope but the learnt  that the thing i had to overcome was myself, I wasn holding my self back,  once I tamed my self the rest shhiat the world threw at me didnt matter al all. If life throws a curve ball at you bro, learn how to catch it and learn from it. And lastly  a very good friend once told me" Tough times dont last, Tough people do". So Good luck

Babaal, first make sure that's what you have. Manytimes self loathing and inadequateness are hidden under existential crisis. Be true to yourself then you can heal yourself.

If you really have it, then maybe planning would help. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? After retirement? Just thinking about them and coming up with some kind of plan would help.
Also, don't stay alone, have some company.

Astitva sankat.

 BK,

I am pretty much sure you have sought help from all the resources you have available. Hence I would not suggest you any "out of the ordinary" solutions. I am no psychologist/counselor but I was able to make a difference on an individual's problem of depression. She is rolling very fine now.

If you shed more light on your situations, my suggestions would be more appropriate. 

 Best thing is try to figure out what kinds of thoughts make you feel that your existence make no more value to any other person, society or to yourself. Try to isolate yourself from those thoughts.
Isolation,"a fully arbitrary dismissal from consciousness of all disturbing and destructive thought and feeling".

Guys,

I have been reflecting on your words and trying to make some sense about how I feel.

I think this is the problem: I feel that in the process of adapting to make life work in the United States, I got "stretched out of shape" if that makes any sense.

To make life work in the United States, we have to do this and that and a little bit more of that other thing and so on and so forth. And in the process of adapting and listening to the culture around you and your professional friends, and the TV and the movies, and the magazines, etc, etc and driving yourself on forward, at a certain point you realize that you are everything to everybody...but nothing to yourself.

Externally, I have everything that "American culture" tells me that I should have. But internally, I don't have myself. I'm not Christian, but I heard a quote from Jesus Christ that goes, "What gaineth a Man if he gaineth the whole world, if he loses his soul in the process."

So I feel that in the process of adapting to life in the United States according to how I thought I should be living ideally, I was ignoring some of my more basic needs inside me.

Have you seen one of these trees on the side of the mountain, that are stretching out so far, that their roots are coming undone under it? In that analogy, I am the tree. And the family I am from, my country, the culture and people I identify with, are the ground that the tree is on. And America is the air and sun (economic opportunity) that the tree is reaching out towards. So I feel that in the process of making the life adjustments to take advantage of the air and the sun, my mis-positioned tree was coming undone at the roots. I was feeling lost.

One of the difficulties for me has been that I live in a small town in the States. There are Nepalese here, and I do go to the festivities. But I don't really "bond" and click with them like I do with some of my family members or friends in Nepal. I am not saying that I am superior or they are inferior or viceversa. There are many varieties of Nepalese and I am just different and they are different.

Anyway, I am visiting family members living in the States right now, and feel that I am seeing things a lot more clearer and I am understanding my own needs better. I really appreciate you guys for your advice. It helped me to put a lot of things in perspective in my time of need. Thanks!