"To those whom much has been given, much will be asked."

This was the most beautiful part of the write-up that Ktmdude posted in the thread "The Nepali people work very hard", and a truly inspirational one. Very few people realize this, although perhaps everyone knows this in the back of their minds.

I am often faced with this question, both from others and from myself at times -- What is the best way to challenge yourself to do better? Some say that you should look at those whose success has surpassed yours and strive to be their equal. If you are content with your situation and don't aim for higher things, you will remain a specimen of mediocrity, I've heard many people say. Others claim that the true challenge is to realize that there are many more who are worse off than you, to be thankful for what you have, and give in return to uplift the others from their present state of misfortune. Which one of these is a wiser way to self improvement and success? I haven't been able to answer that question yet.

I spent my undergraduate summer vacations working with mentally ill patients in psychiatric hospitals in New York-- patients with schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, major depression, borderline personality disorder. Often, when I came home after the day's work, people would ask me -- So, how does it feel to work with these lunatics? For those who hadn't seen, never met, never known these living and breathing people, they were creatures of another world, the world of abnormality, the world of lunatics. But for me, they were human, very much like myself, with families, jobs, hopes, desires, dreams, feelings, and a future that was on hold for years past and years to come. Then there were patients whose families were unlike our own, families that we take for granted -- there were fathers and mothers who raped their own children, there were fears and threats imposed on them daily, there was jeering and cacophonous laughter at their failings that had demolished their sense of integrity and self-esteem. Each case had a horrendous history. Each page painted a reality that these people had actually lived through but which we can only imagine. At best, perhaps we could see images of their mutilated lives through flimsy portrayals in high gloss movies with glamorous stars.

So, when asked how it feels to work with these lunatics, my answer would invariably be, "it feels so real."

I won't deny that it made me feel so much more fortunate, and for the first time, truly thankful for what I had -- family, friends, relatives (even those who gossip behind your back), and a future brimming with hopes. Working with them, particularly with adolescents, was both a joy and a challenge. A funny sort of challenge was that being of small stature, it was often difficult for me to maintain the air of authority required of my position, especially when all the patients were giants in front of me. But that was what brought me closer to them -- they found this lack of physical intimidation welcoming and I was allowed glimpses into their lives that were rarely open for public display. It was truly amazing. They let me travel into their world, the world called Abnormal and Insane.

to be continued ...

very nice....

Thank you -- I'm glad people enjoyed.

I think Capt. Haddock has raised a few thoughts so let me try addressing them:

1) I read this question as a rhetorical one, so I'll not address it. Most people know the answers anyways. :-) Let me know Capt, if I am mistaken about your intention.

2) This seems less of a rhetorical question and I just felt like addressing it because it can potentially dispel some myths about us poor folks. If you meant it otherwise, then "my bad"!

When I tell people that I am a psychologist, the first reaction is "Oh geez, are you gonna read my mind?" I guess most psychologists have similar experiences. That's because psychology is confused with psychic reading for most people. And I, like most of my colleagues in the field, don't know the ABC of psychic reading!

Tthe other reaction I get, especially in a social or even in an interpersonal setting, is that within a few minutes of knowing my field of work, people start pouring their problems on my lap. Problems ranging from failed marriages, infertility issues and their psychological impacts on the person, dysfuctional sexual lives, dysfunctional family dynamics, questions about psychological disorders, socilitiations for therapy/counseling, and even lectures on teen sexuality which I was asked to deliver in at a distinguished private school in Nepal. These are all very well, but it's often not in my power to address them in the manner that people expect. So, I end up disappointing people more often than I can help them genuinely.

In a romantic relationship, things get funny. The first thing is that most guys get intimidated by my doctoral degree and run away from me which diminishes chances of romance in the first place. :-) The brave ones are too busy wondering about and fearing my analysis of them -- analyses ranging from their looks, their manner of speaking, their handwriting, their facial expressions, and everything under the sun. I don't deny that I analyze these things -- but then, which girl doesn't, or guy for that matter (except for the handwriting, I guess)? After all, a romantic relationship is a quest for the right life partner so everyone dons the psychologist's hat, whether it's done consciously or unwittingly.

One other myth that this question addressed in my mind is that because psychologists are viewed as problem solvers or counselors/therapists, people assume that their personal lives are fine and dandy. They never encounter problems of their own, particularly in relationships. That's not true. They have their fair share of them. You see, it's easy to advise others because you see their problems from an objective viewpoint, but often lose that objectivity when you are the subject of the problem. I guess that's where psychologists cannot be super-human. They have a tough time being human as it is. :-)

I will share my thoughts in the future, time permitting. It was fun today.

Oldmaven,
Your nick has fascinated me for quite a while. In fact, if you don't mind my saying it, there is an eerie and spooky touch to it. Are you into Gothic stuff?
Thanks for sharing your thoughts/experiences.

Good night people!

always loved psycology as a subject . and ur write up was a treat. Nice. :)

Simplegal,
First thing that came to my mind after reading your narration was..WOW !!! It was awesome..I'm going to make it a point to read all your postings in future...so please continue sharing your experiences..I think you'll be the second person after Sum Off, whose narration will make me come back to Sajha..

I always wanted to take psychology as my major in college...for some reason I couldn't. In the course of time, the desire just faded away..After reading your narration, I feel maybe I made a mistake not taking it up.

I envy you for being able to reflect your day of work and be satisfied and happy that you are making a difference to people's lives. Only lucky few can really have that opportunity, I guess..just my thought..Good luck Simplegal and thanks for sharing !!

Hey sndy I am a bilogist ........

I can help you wid phychology........


-rocky

sry biologist....... ho not bilogist.....

-rocky

No thanks Rocky...stick to your wildlife preservation...

welll if biologist like meh ain't here in this world......

how would you guys be here...... huh ??

-rocky

anyways you are welcome....... I will teach you animal phychology..... it may help you

when you are adopting pets in ur home

SimpleGal I'm glad you liked the thread that I created which helped you in some extent to pour your feelings into words and helped all of us to understand the feelings of being helpless, sad, enjoy, in some extent about the way of life. It is good to read your words. Thank you so much. We are with you:) and that's the way the life goes.......day and night till the end. Keep up your dream with a little smile on your face, rest will come to you sooner or latter.

hey simplegal....that simply was great...and of course my first guess (if you remember) was true...that you must be a psychologist...i knew by the way you posted on that thread for guy/gal realationship......seee i am kindaaaaa of a psychologist too...n can i ask you one question that is in the back of my head now!1!!!!!

Loneliness often is the common source of psychological problems if I am not wrong....can you pour some of your thoughts into;
Is loneliness, and unsocialism more common in capitalist world like America compared to our own country. Here people are so bg and moneyminded that they barely get time to sociallise....while in our country people don't earn that much of a money and still we have some strong family bonds, values and cultures that gives us strength and courage to face whateve future has to offer..you know what i mean...a person works all day under the 40 degree sun all day and still he has a reason to struggle with that everyday fate...is that simply KARMA ....or other social and cultural values embedded with it.
n by the way simply you are so simple................don't be confused with my nick name....i just chose some random words that was in the back of my head when i sin=gned up....that simply doesn't reflect my personality.....

simplegal,

Thankyou for sharing few of you wonderful thoughts and experiences. We as a simple being, think of stepping out of the line and help the misfortunes. But then, without even noticing, get back to same old human nature of competition -- trying to make oneself better, better than "others".

Please smile for us like Cris did for you; a big hug from us like you did to Melvina; I won't promise you any earrings though -- that I can't deliver or will forget.

I could already see that you are a great soul, and we need lot more like it.

Thanks again for the great read.

haami,
haami

SimpleGal -

Thanks for the response - very nice of you to do so. I cant help but chuckle at your comment about romance because I know a lot of stories around the same lines , and some of them are pretty hilarious :D. I do think though that quite a bit of it boils down to maturity and people's own sense of self. How you deal with another person is at some level driven by what you think of yourself and how comfortable you are with being yourself, no? :)

No, I wouldn't think of psycologists as being beyond the problems that everyday people have. On the contrary, as they say, the cobler's children can have the worst shoes, and it would only be natural for them to have the problems that others do. No different from people who do other things for a living. I remember running into this person once who used to counsel adoloscents with behavioural issues, but themself was a bit of an odd duck in the social skills department :) No biggie there but I brought up the example because I can use it to relate to the points you raised.

Aiight, got a load of stuff to do - thanks for your insights and you have a good day!

Regards.

Many thanks for the kind and encouraging words from everyone. :-) Sndy, thank you in particular. That's very sweet of you.

Captain,

You've hit the nail straight on the head in the romance department.

You have a good day.

Junkynfunky,

What a coincidence because I am writing a paper *right now* on the socio-emotional relationships in experiences of loneliness, which is a small project I did last year. If you want to know more, email me. :-)

Take care.

The little lady with flower patterned dress,

Thanks for sharing. Made us feel how lucky we are despite all our complaints and excuses to be unhappy. Like your expertise in psychology, your writing is also awesome. Best of luck for your career in psychology.

P.S. I hope that you finally got a chance to give the earring to Rita.

try this---> sneeze with ur eyes open very challenging indeed!!!!!

.
SimpleGaL, Thanks for the appreciation for the nick , hideous i try to remain. YES!
No. "Gothic" is not the word there . I was infact nothing close to that. It would rather be exemplified by this word "non-linear" . hmm . i dont know , i am trying to justify things which i am no more. :)

BTW.. how do "reverse psychology" come into play in your daily life ? i presume thats what you would do with the powers ! :P .. or at least i would do , if i had the powers! lol

LOL @ live_wire. Hadn't really thought of that. Thanks! ;-)

People have brought up their interest in psychology. One branch of psychology that has interested me is Criminal/Forensic Psychology. But I was not brave enough to pursue that. However, I have periodically browsed a particular website to read up on some cases, ranging from Ted Bundy to Ted Kaczynski.

It's one of the best and most thorough websitesj that I've come across that chronicles the life and works of people's truly weird and shocking crimes. Indeed, fact is more bizarre than fiction!

Here's the website if you wish to read. Be careful -- they're pretty addictive!

http://www.crimelibrary.com

Laterz ......

pretty good link http://www.crimelibrary.com
I did graduate as a cirminal justice major and law..........I love reading all there stuff and yes pretty addictive ............thanks simple gal

SimpleGal,
An absolute delight - thoroughly enjoyed reading what is a cracking piece, though its contents clearly lay beyond the ambit of my academic reach.

You piece reminded me of my reading of Jean-Domnique Bauby's moving memoir – The Diving-Bell & The Butterfly, many moons ago. I related the plight of Bauby – a rare case of a medical condition referred to as 'locked-in-syndrome'; paralysed from head to toe after a stroke but with his mind intact; unable to communicate except through blinking of his left eye-lid - to that of your charges, not least because they were prisoners in their own bodies, just like the former. Except of course they could move about, talk or respond unhindered without the visible presence of any physical impairment. I can only imagine the gravity of the task at hand: dealing with such ‘abnormal’ people would have required a fare dose of tact and flexibility on your part, your technical expertise notwithstanding. Nothing could have been more fulfilling than knowing whatever professional help you could muster had added to bettering the lives of those unfortunate few. Now back to Bauby – thanks to his loyal helper who took down his dictation relentlessly, letter by letter during countless sittings (she would read out the alphabet a-z, and he would blink his eyelid at the intended letter); his psychologists, medical professionals and others who made possible for him to ‘write’ what was to become a staggering piece of work in modern literature. No mean feat indeed.

Read the book, no? Worth a try if not already read. Pse do excuse the repetition if you have. This book remains one of the most heartrending in all of the biographies/auto that I have read. Really moving – I think, they’ve made it into a mainstream feature film.

This is clearly a quality write-up – one that I have read in a good whack of time in Sajha. PPlease do keep them coming.
*************
Some random ramblings now:
""A funny sort of challenge was that being of small stature, it was often difficult for me to maintain the air of authority required of my position""
I think, you should come and attend a crash course at the University of Life with the resident Prof Emeritus: he will teach you how to maintain the air of authority:); can give you lessons on a discipline bizarrely termed as 'leadership', one tenet of this involves shouting down the phone at your subordinates if the morning cuppa does not arrive on time.. ahem. How about that? :_)

""After all, a romantic relationship is a quest for the right life partner so everyone dons the psychologist's hat, whether it's done consciously or unwittingly.""

Hmm.. is this why I keep failing my tests?? :) All because I am not wearing me ol’ psychologist's hat?? Dementia is its euphemism perhaps, and I could surely do with a tad bit of treatment for its bouts, don't you think? :))

Joking aside, please do keep them coming. A very happy new year – have a good one.
******************
Capt,
How're you doing, ol chap?

Some non-sense hereunder:
""How much does the physical apperance of a person influence how they are treated by others? Does a cute guy or gal end up getting favorable treatment over a less attractive one even amongst the most educated and thinking people in society whom you would expect would see past such superficial features?""
Don’t worry mate, Napoleon was only five foot two. Or even shorter.. Sorted :)

And his fellow Frenchman who wrote quite a bit of rubbish called existentialism, while sipping his cuppa at Café De Flore: Sartre. He too was barely five foot two, I think. Short and ugly with those funny pairs of chashma, and yet he went to bed with a few dozen of Padma Laxmis in his life time.. barsetweard! :) Now I am not going to talk about the other ugly libertines – Picasso, a select few from the Lost Generation era, et al. :)))

""key to being constantly challenged, in my opinion, is to realize the infinite thinking power of the mind and not be hesitant to push new boundaries in thoughts and action.""

Right, let's challenge ourselves – yes, you and I! :)))

Don't know about 'thoughts' but I know, plenty of 'action’'stuff to 'push new boundaries'!
How about sky-diving from 35000 feet???

Don't worry, I will give you a piggy-back during the whole of the dive… and oh, I will get one of those extra jumbo sized pampers from Marks & Spencers (nappies rather!), one for each to put on, in case either of us wanted to go to the toilet. Sorted.. :))

And you know what! We'll land at SimpleGal's roof. I will leave all the cerebral stuff for you to engage with our host – the 'thoughts' part, while I get busy with my 'actions', one of which will be to ransack her fridge for those bottles of super-chilled Chavlis from Bordeux. How's that for pushing the boundaries eh?? :-) Blimey..

Enough woffles. It's been good talking again though.. see you in the new year probly. Have a good one, matey!
****
Carpe diem

STOP PRESS:

"fare dose of tact"
to read:
"fair dose of tact"


"in case either of us wanted to go to the toilet."

to read:

"in case either of us wanted to go to the toilet MID-AIR." :)