"To those whom much has been given, much will be asked."

This was the most beautiful part of the write-up that Ktmdude posted in the thread "The Nepali people work very hard", and a truly inspirational one. Very few people realize this, although perhaps everyone knows this in the back of their minds.

I am often faced with this question, both from others and from myself at times -- What is the best way to challenge yourself to do better? Some say that you should look at those whose success has surpassed yours and strive to be their equal. If you are content with your situation and don't aim for higher things, you will remain a specimen of mediocrity, I've heard many people say. Others claim that the true challenge is to realize that there are many more who are worse off than you, to be thankful for what you have, and give in return to uplift the others from their present state of misfortune. Which one of these is a wiser way to self improvement and success? I haven't been able to answer that question yet.

I spent my undergraduate summer vacations working with mentally ill patients in psychiatric hospitals in New York-- patients with schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, major depression, borderline personality disorder. Often, when I came home after the day's work, people would ask me -- So, how does it feel to work with these lunatics? For those who hadn't seen, never met, never known these living and breathing people, they were creatures of another world, the world of abnormality, the world of lunatics. But for me, they were human, very much like myself, with families, jobs, hopes, desires, dreams, feelings, and a future that was on hold for years past and years to come. Then there were patients whose families were unlike our own, families that we take for granted -- there were fathers and mothers who raped their own children, there were fears and threats imposed on them daily, there was jeering and cacophonous laughter at their failings that had demolished their sense of integrity and self-esteem. Each case had a horrendous history. Each page painted a reality that these people had actually lived through but which we can only imagine. At best, perhaps we could see images of their mutilated lives through flimsy portrayals in high gloss movies with glamorous stars.

So, when asked how it feels to work with these lunatics, my answer would invariably be, "it feels so real."

I won't deny that it made me feel so much more fortunate, and for the first time, truly thankful for what I had -- family, friends, relatives (even those who gossip behind your back), and a future brimming with hopes. Working with them, particularly with adolescents, was both a joy and a challenge. A funny sort of challenge was that being of small stature, it was often difficult for me to maintain the air of authority required of my position, especially when all the patients were giants in front of me. But that was what brought me closer to them -- they found this lack of physical intimidation welcoming and I was allowed glimpses into their lives that were rarely open for public display. It was truly amazing. They let me travel into their world, the world called Abnormal and Insane.

to be continued ...

simplegal,

Thankyou for sharing few of you wonderful thoughts and experiences. We as a simple being, think of stepping out of the line and help the misfortunes. But then, without even noticing, get back to same old human nature of competition -- trying to make oneself better, better than "others".

Please smile for us like Cris did for you; a big hug from us like you did to Melvina; I won't promise you any earrings though -- that I can't deliver or will forget.

I could already see that you are a great soul, and we need lot more like it.

Thanks again for the great read.

haami,
haami

SimpleGal -

Thanks for the response - very nice of you to do so. I cant help but chuckle at your comment about romance because I know a lot of stories around the same lines , and some of them are pretty hilarious :D. I do think though that quite a bit of it boils down to maturity and people's own sense of self. How you deal with another person is at some level driven by what you think of yourself and how comfortable you are with being yourself, no? :)

No, I wouldn't think of psycologists as being beyond the problems that everyday people have. On the contrary, as they say, the cobler's children can have the worst shoes, and it would only be natural for them to have the problems that others do. No different from people who do other things for a living. I remember running into this person once who used to counsel adoloscents with behavioural issues, but themself was a bit of an odd duck in the social skills department :) No biggie there but I brought up the example because I can use it to relate to the points you raised.

Aiight, got a load of stuff to do - thanks for your insights and you have a good day!

Regards.

Many thanks for the kind and encouraging words from everyone. :-) Sndy, thank you in particular. That's very sweet of you.

Captain,

You've hit the nail straight on the head in the romance department.

You have a good day.

Junkynfunky,

What a coincidence because I am writing a paper *right now* on the socio-emotional relationships in experiences of loneliness, which is a small project I did last year. If you want to know more, email me. :-)

Take care.

The little lady with flower patterned dress,

Thanks for sharing. Made us feel how lucky we are despite all our complaints and excuses to be unhappy. Like your expertise in psychology, your writing is also awesome. Best of luck for your career in psychology.

P.S. I hope that you finally got a chance to give the earring to Rita.

try this---> sneeze with ur eyes open very challenging indeed!!!!!

.
SimpleGaL, Thanks for the appreciation for the nick , hideous i try to remain. YES!
No. "Gothic" is not the word there . I was infact nothing close to that. It would rather be exemplified by this word "non-linear" . hmm . i dont know , i am trying to justify things which i am no more. :)

BTW.. how do "reverse psychology" come into play in your daily life ? i presume thats what you would do with the powers ! :P .. or at least i would do , if i had the powers! lol

LOL @ live_wire. Hadn't really thought of that. Thanks! ;-)

People have brought up their interest in psychology. One branch of psychology that has interested me is Criminal/Forensic Psychology. But I was not brave enough to pursue that. However, I have periodically browsed a particular website to read up on some cases, ranging from Ted Bundy to Ted Kaczynski.

It's one of the best and most thorough websitesj that I've come across that chronicles the life and works of people's truly weird and shocking crimes. Indeed, fact is more bizarre than fiction!

Here's the website if you wish to read. Be careful -- they're pretty addictive!

http://www.crimelibrary.com

Laterz ......

pretty good link http://www.crimelibrary.com
I did graduate as a cirminal justice major and law..........I love reading all there stuff and yes pretty addictive ............thanks simple gal

SimpleGal,
An absolute delight - thoroughly enjoyed reading what is a cracking piece, though its contents clearly lay beyond the ambit of my academic reach.

You piece reminded me of my reading of Jean-Domnique Bauby's moving memoir – The Diving-Bell & The Butterfly, many moons ago. I related the plight of Bauby – a rare case of a medical condition referred to as 'locked-in-syndrome'; paralysed from head to toe after a stroke but with his mind intact; unable to communicate except through blinking of his left eye-lid - to that of your charges, not least because they were prisoners in their own bodies, just like the former. Except of course they could move about, talk or respond unhindered without the visible presence of any physical impairment. I can only imagine the gravity of the task at hand: dealing with such ‘abnormal’ people would have required a fare dose of tact and flexibility on your part, your technical expertise notwithstanding. Nothing could have been more fulfilling than knowing whatever professional help you could muster had added to bettering the lives of those unfortunate few. Now back to Bauby – thanks to his loyal helper who took down his dictation relentlessly, letter by letter during countless sittings (she would read out the alphabet a-z, and he would blink his eyelid at the intended letter); his psychologists, medical professionals and others who made possible for him to ‘write’ what was to become a staggering piece of work in modern literature. No mean feat indeed.

Read the book, no? Worth a try if not already read. Pse do excuse the repetition if you have. This book remains one of the most heartrending in all of the biographies/auto that I have read. Really moving – I think, they’ve made it into a mainstream feature film.

This is clearly a quality write-up – one that I have read in a good whack of time in Sajha. PPlease do keep them coming.
*************
Some random ramblings now:
""A funny sort of challenge was that being of small stature, it was often difficult for me to maintain the air of authority required of my position""
I think, you should come and attend a crash course at the University of Life with the resident Prof Emeritus: he will teach you how to maintain the air of authority:); can give you lessons on a discipline bizarrely termed as 'leadership', one tenet of this involves shouting down the phone at your subordinates if the morning cuppa does not arrive on time.. ahem. How about that? :_)

""After all, a romantic relationship is a quest for the right life partner so everyone dons the psychologist's hat, whether it's done consciously or unwittingly.""

Hmm.. is this why I keep failing my tests?? :) All because I am not wearing me ol’ psychologist's hat?? Dementia is its euphemism perhaps, and I could surely do with a tad bit of treatment for its bouts, don't you think? :))

Joking aside, please do keep them coming. A very happy new year – have a good one.
******************
Capt,
How're you doing, ol chap?

Some non-sense hereunder:
""How much does the physical apperance of a person influence how they are treated by others? Does a cute guy or gal end up getting favorable treatment over a less attractive one even amongst the most educated and thinking people in society whom you would expect would see past such superficial features?""
Don’t worry mate, Napoleon was only five foot two. Or even shorter.. Sorted :)

And his fellow Frenchman who wrote quite a bit of rubbish called existentialism, while sipping his cuppa at Café De Flore: Sartre. He too was barely five foot two, I think. Short and ugly with those funny pairs of chashma, and yet he went to bed with a few dozen of Padma Laxmis in his life time.. barsetweard! :) Now I am not going to talk about the other ugly libertines – Picasso, a select few from the Lost Generation era, et al. :)))

""key to being constantly challenged, in my opinion, is to realize the infinite thinking power of the mind and not be hesitant to push new boundaries in thoughts and action.""

Right, let's challenge ourselves – yes, you and I! :)))

Don't know about 'thoughts' but I know, plenty of 'action’'stuff to 'push new boundaries'!
How about sky-diving from 35000 feet???

Don't worry, I will give you a piggy-back during the whole of the dive… and oh, I will get one of those extra jumbo sized pampers from Marks & Spencers (nappies rather!), one for each to put on, in case either of us wanted to go to the toilet. Sorted.. :))

And you know what! We'll land at SimpleGal's roof. I will leave all the cerebral stuff for you to engage with our host – the 'thoughts' part, while I get busy with my 'actions', one of which will be to ransack her fridge for those bottles of super-chilled Chavlis from Bordeux. How's that for pushing the boundaries eh?? :-) Blimey..

Enough woffles. It's been good talking again though.. see you in the new year probly. Have a good one, matey!
****
Carpe diem

STOP PRESS:

"fare dose of tact"
to read:
"fair dose of tact"


"in case either of us wanted to go to the toilet."

to read:

"in case either of us wanted to go to the toilet MID-AIR." :)

Very interesting read indeed!

for me a real challenge would be to do something I don't want to do or to stop myself from doing something that is so tempting...

SimpleGal, although I'm not a psychology major, I have met some people whom I consider abnormal. I'm sure they experienced 'abnormal' things during their childhood years to have such an effect in their adulthood. And most abnormals end up hurting people making it inevitable for the so called 'normals' to isolate them. So I think, the only people who'll accept them is a therapist or someone who has no other option (family). But even families cannot take them anymore cause they have limited amount of patience and cannot really reason on things they do (only professionals can), thus the need of psychologists.

I think a normal person has a healthy amount of ego(not too much, not too little) that is necessary to have a healthy amount of confidence. and when someone starts stripping that sheath of confidence, they will revolt(self defense mechanism??). now someone like my dad will start asking me how much is too much and how much is too little...hehehe...well people have different level of patience or level of tolerance, I suppose. But my question is, is tolerating the abnormality good? Isn't it a definite no no? I think, by tolerating abnormality, we will only be promoting his/her abnormal behavior. Now do I sound like I have some kind of disorder? :P

i haven't browsed through the website that simplegal suggested, but have come across few of the documentaries shown in TV. and yes, they are very addictive to me.

sajhauser, I think there are various levels and kinds of abnormalities. The idea here -- I think -- is to understand this forms of abnormalities and try to understand them as oppose to tolerate them. Understand them so that you are able to hug those people, seeking hug, and get a little smile back from them.

Every action has reaction; and the path these so called abnormal people take is because of some action that took place in their early lives. In other cases, it's simply because of some sort of disabilities.

Peace!
haami

Sajhauser wrote:

"Now do I sound like I have some kind of disorder? :P "

my answer would be a big YES!!!!!!...you know why rite? else why would you be quiet when the ice was already broken? :P

good friday ya'll!
LooTe

Sandhurst Lahure,

I've been wondering about the Sandhurst part of your nick. Also wanna tell you how much I enjoy reading your distictive British style of writing. Your writing style reminded me of a friend and fellow sajhaite of the past -- Czar. I thought perhaps you were a reincarnated version of him, but then you've declared living in London for 10 years so I guess I was off the mark. :-)

"The diving bell and the butterfly" seems like something I need to put on my reading list. The last book I read was "The kite runner" by Khaled Hosseini. Very disturbing portrayal of Afghanistan under the Taliban. And on a microcosmic level, a brave insight into the harrowing depths of human failings.

Have a Happy New Year!

I realized that I have posed rather an ethical question to SimpleGal rather than something related to psychology.

haami,
It is very easy to tell others that you have to 'understand', but when you have to personally deal with the situation, it’s rather difficult. It is not that easy to understand when you get hurt. When you can’t understand why the person is doing the thing he/she is doing. Like you said, every action has reaction. So the harm inflicted by someone will create some reaction to a person who doesn’t yet know that the person is ‘abnormal’. And when that person will affect not only you, but your loved ones too then you might start losing your patience. How can you make everybody understand that there is a reason behind the crimes and verbal abuse?

Labeling someone for having personality disorder is rather creating a pity for the person; to create a way to forgive and a way to understand. And I totally respect that.

loote,
Which ice are you talking about? I’m lost here :S

I believe every one of us has some sort to disorder (low to medium), hence no one is perfect. So I don’t mind if someone tells me if I have one :P cause I know who I am. I’m talking about extreme cases here…I’m talking about people with whom you might not ever have to deal with in your life. If some kind of disorder is only in 1% of population, then you have to be lucky to deal with the person (without knowing the person has disorder) :P

keep calm and drink plenty of water everyone! :D

Sajhauser,

Tolerance comes with awareness. In most cases, families that have an "abnormal" relative are absolutely clueless about the particular disorder. That which we are ignorant about, we fear. And fear breeds intolerance. Take the issue of HIV/AIDS. People who don't have any knowledge about the causes and transmission of the HIV virus are mortified in the company of someone who is HIV+. But those who are aware about what causes HIV and how you can get it, are *gradually* able to tolerate being around the person, and ultimately to accept the person.

You are right, awareness is not the "cure" because the "abnormal" person imay inflict harm or injury (physical or mental) to you or your loved one. Instinctively, we retaliate, sometimes violently. But that is true of a "normal" human interaction, too. If you go to any Nepali party in the US, after some time brawls for different reasons inevitably erupt. One of the frequent reasons is drunkenness. If you can envision being "abnormal" as being "drunk" and therefore in a state of mental aberration, then perhaps you can be more "tolerant" of the "abnormal" person's violent behavior. Of course, that's no valid excuse for them to act so rash because you are the recipient of the violence. But being aware that this person is not in the right state of mind is a start toward some form of tolerance. At least it will prevent *violent* retaliation from you, which triggers more violence and frustration in the other person who is already suffering from mental violence that we cannot even begin to imagine.

A good way to "understand" normality and abnormality is to view it as a spectrum or continuum -- we all fall on some part of the spectrum.

Happy New Year everyone!

SimpleGal,
Your post - gratefully received. Many thanks.

Yes, ever intrigueing they are, aren't they? Your name, any name, but I am happy to offer you some direct clues - no red-herrings there, mind you. Hereunder:

Lahure = Lahuray (self explanatory. NB: this is not the 'deshi' one - pukka 'bideshi'; ie not the ones you used to meet swanning about on Ktm streets with SLRs not long ago!:))

Sandhurst = check this link below:
http://www.sandhurst.mod.uk/

Sorted. :-)

Yes, the book is a must read. Definitely. Have seen the book cover - the Kite Runner; might try it whenever I have a wee bit of time on my own. Thanks.

Okay, I had better not start shooting the breeze today! :-) I have got to shoot off to the town for shopping now - have got a do to go to tonight. That's why.
Hey, thanks again. I will do pop in now and then - so don't disappear totally.

A very happy new year again - have a good one.
Carpe diem

SimpleGal,

That was said and done in a hurry, and I missed this one below:

"Your writing style reminded me of a friend and fellow sajhaite of the past -- Czar"

The nick is the one and only I have got for my Sajha postings - a case of mistaken identity obviously. No acquaintance of mine, 'virtual' or otherwise but the name does somehow ring the bell. I have been visiting this site on and off for the last 14 months or so, so I am more of a casual/junior surfer in relative terms, than someone whose experience with this place spans a good few years. When placed against the participation by other veteran 'Sajhaites', my own pales into insignificance. The experience has been all the more fulfilling nonetheless. It is a cracking place for 'virtual' interaction with fellow Nepalis from around the globe - my personal best in many respects no doubt. My less than informed verdict there perhaps as there might be other equally entertaining sites that I have not come across just yet.

"""you've declared living in London for 10 years""
Not bang in the middle of or in the city itself, but I have lived quite close by on a number of occasions.

Have a good one.

Has anyone checked out the crimelibrary link? Has some pretty neat detective stories on tracing psychopathic killers for those who can stomach grisly stuff.

Sorry to jump in a bit late in the game, but couldn't resist LOL-ing at Sandhusrt for his fridge-raiding fantasies :) How's it going,bud?

Simplegal - Agree with your comments on relative normality.It disappoints me when people are so quick to rush to judgment - I guess at some level many of us feel so small that we need to put others down in order to pull ourselves up. Pity.